In Everett, McNamee strives for redemption

BRIAN McNAMEE A closed-door talk

EVERETT - Disgraced personal trainer Brian McNamee, fresh from testifying before Congress about plunging steroid-laden syringes into the rear end of Roger Clemens, yesterday kicked off his personal redemption tour at a nutrition supplement store Clemens once visited.

"Everyone knows who I am, and I wish it was for better reasons," McNamee confided to a small crowd in a closed-door session as police stood watch outside the American Nutrition Center in busy Glendale Square. The event was billed as McNamee's first public appearance since his congressional testimony.

An obscure fitness coach before he was swept up in a federal investigation into the distribution of illegal steroids in sports, McNamee has since developed a legacy as the government witness who helped expose Clemens to possible criminal charges in one of the worst scandals in baseball history.

Six weeks after McNamee told a House committee and national television audience, "I have helped to taint the national pastime," he arrived in Everett with perhaps a richer understanding of his role in baseball's steroid crisis. He testified under oath last month that he injected illegal performance-enhancing chemicals into Clemens and his former Yankee teammates, Andy Pettitte and Chuck Knoblauch, as well as Clemens's wife, Debbie.

Audience members at the supplement store went home with certificates adorned with McNamee's new credo: "A lifetime of achievements can be defined by a singular monumental mistake."

Or a series of them. From 1998 to 2001, McNamee went from serving as Clemens's trainer to also injecting him numerous times with illegal performance enhancers, he testified before Congress.

In 2001, McNamee injected Knoblauch seven to nine times with illegally obtained human growth hormone, he testified. He also admitted giving Pettitte two to four injections of HGH in 2002. McNamee was granted immunity from prosecution if he told the truth about his role in the scandal.

Now he wants to start over. Walled off from the public - store owner Steve Cardillo admitted only invited guests and a few handpicked news outlets to the event (the Globe was denied access) - McNamee expressed his hunger for atonement, according to a copy of an audio recording of his talk obtained by the Globe.

"I believe firmly that everyone deserves a second chance," he said in his 12-minute talk. "For me personally, I have to earn my second chance. Every second chance starts with a first step. Now I'm taking my first step."

McNamee has known Cardillo since 1998, when McNamee was Clemens's strength and conditioning coach with the Blue Jays. Through McNamee, Clemens bought weightlifting belts from Cardillo. Clemens later befriended Cardillo and appeared at his Everett store in 2003 for an autograph session.

"When the controversy hit, I reached out to both of them," Cardillo said in a press release. "Brian was the only one who reached back, and that's why he came to the store to do this event."

McNamee did not refer directly to the steroids crisis as he spoke to about two dozen student-athletes, coaches, and parents, among others. He made no mention of the Mitchell Report.

"As for what was involved, I don't want to even go there, other than to educate people," he said.

In a store stocked with muscle-building supplements, McNamee cautioned the student-athletes against recklessness.

"You have to be careful," he said. "The best guide to it is to go with your gut feeling."

He did not mention Clemens by name, though he joked indirectly about Clemens secretly taping a conversation with him and then releasing it to the media. In his opening comments, McNamee said he considered asking reporters to turn off their tape recorders because "I'm not too fond of that lately."

On a more serious note, McNamee tried to distinguish for the audience the difference between wrongdoing and making an honest mistake. He said some of the world's richest and most powerful individuals have overcome numerous missteps. "No one should be afraid of making a mistake," he said, as long as they are not as singularly monumental as his.

Last month, McNamee testified that his "livelihood is in ruins" because of the scandal. His problems were compounded last week when he reportedly crashed his Lexus head-on into a bus in New York after he blacked out because of diabetes. No one was hurt.

Yesterday, McNamee said he would try to earn his second chance by continuing "to train and educate" the public. Among the audience members impressed were Mike Kulch, who plays football for St. Mary's (Lynn), and his uncle, Alan Casaletto.

As they left the supplement store, Kulch and Casaletto described McNamee's presentation, particularly his advice on exercise and nutrition, as informative and helpful. They expressed little concern about his role in the scandal.

"Everybody makes mistakes," Casaletto said.

Material from the Associated Press was used in this report.