Palmeiro remains on sideline

BALTIMORE -- Rafael Palmeiro dwells in a pantheon of shame, shoulder to shoulder with sport's most notorious cheaters. Privately, he knows this. He understands the carnage he wreaked on his prolific career by testing positive for anabolic steroids. And it pains him.

''He's kind of down right now," the Rev. John Bauer, team chaplain for the Baltimore Orioles, said last night as Palmeiro returned from a 10-day suspension in search of redemption. ''I'm trying to figure out how to help him."

Bauer conferred briefly with Palmeiro during batting practice at Camden Yards after the 40-year-old slugger donned an Orioles uniform for the first time since he became the only major star in baseball history to test positive for steroids. The priest put his hand on Palmeiro's shoulder and counseled him to draw strength from all he has accomplished since his family fled Cuba when he was 7 years old.

''I wouldn't want to be in his shoes, coming out in front of all the fans and all the boos," Bauer said. ''I just hope he comes through it."

It won't be easy. Not with Palmeiro's unwillingness -- or inability -- to fully explain how he tested positive for a banned performance enhancer, purportedly a potent substance (stanozolol) that is not found in dietary supplements. Not with Congress breathing down his neck with a preliminary inquiry into whether he lied to a House committee when he testified under oath in March that he had never used steroids. Not with the baseball world watching him as if he were a sinking ship.

Yet Palmeiro, who was considered a future shoo-in Hall of Famer before his transgression, vowed to persevere.

''I'm anxious to be back on the field and playing the game I love very much," he said in a brief news conference in the Orioles dugout before a 4-2 victory over the Devil Rays. ''It's been a tough time for me and my family the last couple of weeks."

So tough that the Orioles planned to keep Palmeiro off the field for at least another game or two. Interim manager Sam Perlozzo, who spoke privately with Palmeiro when the suspension ended, described him as ''a little spent." Palmeiro declined Perlozzo's invitation to address the team before he returned to action.

''He said, 'No,' he would rather go around individually," Perlozzo said. ''He said he would tell everyone he was sorry about the distraction, and that's pretty much it."

One thing Palmeiro seemed dead set against telling anyone, at least for a while, was how he could have inadvertently ingested steroids, as he previously suggested he had. He refused to address the matter during his news conference despite indicating earlier that he was anxious to provide a fuller accounting of the episode.

''I've been instructed by my attorneys not to comment on the situation," Palmeiro said, citing the congressional inquiry. ''The time will come, and soon, hopefully, when I can explain it."

Until then, Palmeiro is likely to endure a climate of suspicion as thick as the tropical heat that enveloped Camden Yards.

''Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire," read a placard etched with Palmeiro's likeness and displayed by a front-row patron.

Plenty has changed since Palmeiro parted ways with the Birds Aug. 1 to start his suspension. Manager Lee Mazzilli was axed after the team tumbled from the division lead into a sub-.500 netherworld. A banner commemorating Palmeiro's 3,000th hit was removed from the historic railroad warehouse beyond right field. A ceremony to mark Palmeiro's joining Willie Mays, Hank Aaron, and Eddie Murray as the only players with at least 3,000 hits and 500 home runs was canceled. And Palmeiro forfeited both $164,000 of his $3 million salary and a large measure of good will.

Perlozzo tried to ease the impact of Palmeiro's return by calling a meeting after Wednesday's game to advise his players to ''let nothing stop us right now." And Palmeiro began trying to win back his teammates soon after he returned.

In an awkward scene, the four-time All-Star worked the clubhouse under the scrutiny of more than 50 reporters. He interrupted righthander Daniel Cabrera, who was reading a magazine, to share a few private words. He extended his hand to Sammy Sosa, who was talking on a cellphone and surveying the media throng with apparent disgust. He patted David Newhan on the back while Newhan chatted on his cellphone. And he spoke for a few minutes with reliever Steve Kline.

So it went until Palmeiro emerged in the dugout at 4:02 p.m., to address the media and perhaps begin the final chapter of his career. Palmeiro indicated he had spent his 10-day hiatus in seclusion with family and friends, and he expressed pleasure at rejoining his teammates.

''I've been playing baseball now for 20 years and this is all that I know," he said. ''It was tough being away, but it was good to see them."

Orioles star Miguel Tejada helped Palmeiro by wrapping his arm around Palmeiro's shoulders in front of photographers, then clasping Palmeiro's hand and thrusting it skyward as if Tejada were declaring him the victor of a boxing match.

After batting practice, Palmeiro spent a few minutes signing autographs for a small number of fans who showed up two hours before the first pitch. But he otherwise kept a low profile. He did not stand with his teammates in front of the dugout for the national anthem. He watched much of the game from deep within the dugout, and the 27,958 patrons offered a referendum on his return only late in the game when some began chanting, ''We want Raffy," and others booed.

''It had to be tough on him," Bruce Chen, Baltimore's winning pitcher, said of Palmeiro's plight.

Palmeiro's time will come, and the chaplain will be pulling for him.

''This thing was a shocker to me, but I just can't give up on him," Bauer said. ''If I started giving up on people, I would be out of business."