Feel-good story feels a lot worse
Rick Ankiel knew it was wrong. More than that, he knew it was illegal. Forget about baseball and its own regulations. When you obtain human growth hormone by virtue of a fraudulent prescription, you know you are breaking the law.
So now the primo feel-good sports story of 2007 is tainted.
Of course, we don't definitively know anything. We don't know what he took or when he took it. We do know he had lots and lots of HGH in his possession for the calendar year 2005. We know that was the year he abandoned pitching and took up hitting. We know he was an immediate success, hitting 21 home runs in 85 games while advancing from Single A ball to Double A ball.
We don't know how much of the stuff he decided to take, or whether he obtained more when that shipment ran out. We know he had knee surgery in May of 2006 and missed the rest of the season. We don't know what he's been taking in 2007, but we know that he hit 32 home runs and drove in 89 runs in 102 games in Memphis this season before being called up Aug. 9.
We know that he hit a two-run homer in his first at-bat against the Dodgers Aug. 11 and that he put a smile on manager Tony La Russa's face in the dugout, which is something like the Pope breaking out in song during a funeral Mass. We know that he has not stopped hitting homers. We know that the St. Louis Cardinals were six games out when he was called up and now they are battling for first place and have been as close as one game out and that he has been credited with lifting the spirits of both a stumbling ball club and an entire baseball-loving population. We know that he has been cited as the anti-Bonds, the anti-Donaghy, and the anti-Vick in this dismal sports year.
We know that he hit two home runs and drove in seven runs to lead the Cardinals past Pittsburgh Thursday, in so doing raising his RBI total to 20 in 23 games (and 109 in 125 games overall in '07). And we know that, on that same day, the New York Daily News learned that in 2004 he had illegally purchased HGH from a Florida anti-aging clinic.
Whew. Where do we go from here?
His response Friday was sadly evasive. He cannot deny that his prescription was fraudulent, issued by a shady Florida doctor associated with an anti-aging clinic.
What he needs to do is pull a full Rodney Harrison. He needs to hold a tell-all press conference in which he fesses up, explains why he felt it necessary to cut corners by purchasing (and, presumably, using) HGH, and then asks for forgiveness. He thinks it will be hard, but it won't be. He is not Barry Bonds, an essentially detestable figure. He is not Gary Matthews Jr., who has relied on a strict denial defense after his name surfaced in an investigation, but no one really cares about him, anyway. He is Rick Ankiel, and this nation is turning its lonely eyes to him. America wants a reason to believe. America wants to embrace his story. America wants to forgive him.
But he has to ask.
Right now, he is putting us to the test. We cannot chastise and ostracize and mentally spit upon Barry Bonds and not act the same toward Rick Ankiel. Few of us wish to be bogged down in technicalities about what was against the rules and when with regard to Bonds. We loathe Bonds because we think he cheated, in spirit if not in fact, and we think he did so because of sheer vanity, which is despicable. There was no reason for a man who had compiled a Hall of Fame résumé to enhance his credentials by cheating, other than a pathetic desire to wrest the spotlight from Mark McGwire.
Bonds has admitted to nothing. Therefore, he has not asked us for forgiveness. The day will come when he will be exposed completely, and he will regret not having thrown himself on the mercy of the court. That, to me, is a given.
Ankiel is a far more sympathetic figure. He always was. He had this sad back-story concerning an incarcerated father, and then he had that awful come-down six years ago, when he went from being the next Steve Carlton to being the next Steve Blass between the end of the 2001 regular season and the postseason.
But if he used the HGH he purchased, it means he did cheat. Don't quibble about baseball not getting around to banning HGH until 2005. I repeat: You know you're doing something shady when you need a doctor to write a fraudulent prescription. Ankiel has erred, and he needs to make amends.
Once again we have been reminded that we have no idea how badly baseball has been tainted by steroid and HGH usage. It has reached the point where we need to be wary of every contemporary achievement.
We all laughed at Jose Canseco's allegations, but it now looks as if he exaggerated only slightly. We scoffed when BALCO man Victor Conte sneered that half the players at this year's All-Star Game had done something or other, but what if Mr. Conte is simply stating a fact? We are in no position to dismiss him as a kook, nutcase, or blowhard. He knows a lot more than we do.
If only there were a way to let these wayward athletes understand that we are willing to forgive, not condone. Big difference.
I have no doubt that Patriots fans will welcome back Harrison when he takes the field against Cleveland in Week 5. It would be foolish to think otherwise. I have no doubt that the people in St. Louis are offering similarly unconditional love for Ankiel. I just wish there was a way fans could let these players know that they have been hurt by their foolish actions, that, for a time at least, they will feel a little less comfortable rooting for them.
The problem with baseball now is that everyone is suspect. Everyone who throws 95 m.p.h. is suspect. Everyone who hits a bunch of homers is suspect. Every aging player who puts up great numbers is suspect. That's what this steroid and HGH business has done to baseball.
I thought I was prepared for anything. But Rick Ankiel? This one really hurts.
Bob Ryan is a Globe columnist. He can be reached at ryan@globe.com. 