Facing free agency, Nixon reflects on his stay

Like Bill Haselman , then the catcher behind the plate, now the Red Sox first base coach, Trot Nixon was wearing a Red Sox uniform Sept. 18, 1996. You might have missed him, on the end of the bench during that night's game in Detroit, as Roger Clemens pitched. Nixon was a rookie, a self-proclaimed quiet one at that, who wasn't quite sure what was going on.

``I'm like, `Wow, Roger's got a lot of strikeouts right now. How many's he got?' " Nixon recalled Wednesday. ``[Trainer] Jim Rowe told me to shut up. I just shut up. Then toward the end of the game, I'm like, `What's going on?' He's like, `He's got 20 strikeouts.'

``You look back on that, you never know what you're going to witness out there in baseball. You never know."

Nor did Nixon, back in those early days before he was much more than a first-round draft pick, know what would follow, how Clemens would leave the organization, and how Nixon would stay. And stay. And stay.

While many current Sox players saw the magic of the team's World Series win from afar, Nixon has survived two owners, three general managers, and countless teammates. Drafted by Lou Gorman in 1993 -- and signed away from playing football at North Carolina State -- Nixon remains the longest-tenured member of the organization. Or, as it sometimes seems, the only one left.

But that may change in the offseason. After the final three games of the season this weekend against the Orioles, Nixon faces free agency for the first time in his career, and possibly being away from Boston for the first time as a pro.

``Very fortunate, I really [am]. Fortunate and spoiled in the same sense," Nixon said of his years with the Red Sox. ``You know, if you don't bring it to the table every night, sometimes you're going to hear from [the fans]. It's just kind of like any other big league clubhouse, some of the rookie guys have got to earn the respect of the veterans. I look at it as, not only do I have to earn the respect of my teammates and people through major league baseball, but earn the respect of some of the greatest fans in professional sports. I had my ups and downs, but everybody does. But that has spoiled me to where, obviously, being an athlete, you don't want to leave this type of atmosphere."

He might have to, though. With his power numbers slipping, Nixon likely won't be around next season, his potential successor already in uniform -- Wily Mo Peña. Since Nixon signed his three-year, $19.5 million contract before the 2004 season -- after a career year in which he hit .306 with 28 home runs, 87 RBIs, and a .578 slugging percentage -- he has struggled to remain healthy, with back, quadriceps, oblique, biceps, and knee trouble. His home runs, in that time, have dipped from three straight years of 20-plus to years of 6, 13, and 8.

``Everybody knows Trot is a good player," David Ortiz said. ``You already know how good Trot is as a player. I'm pretty sure everybody knows -- it's not a secret -- when he stays healthy, he can put up some numbers. Hopefully, he stays around."

Nixon's biceps strain -- and the infection that delayed his return to the lineup -- hasn't helped this season. Just as he should be putting on a show, either for his current team or those who might sign him in the offseason, Nixon has endured a slump, his batting average just .148 (9 for 61), his slugging percentage just .246, since rejoining the team Sept. 4. That's why Nixon seems much more fixated on his performance at the plate.

``I think just coming back from being injured I haven't felt really comfortable in that batter's box," Nixon said. ``I haven't felt like I belong in that batter's box. Hitter feels like that, obviously, you're not going to have much success up there. I try to continue to play hard just like anybody else in a kind of a funk. Keep fighting through it. Good things are going to happen."

He hopes so. Good things, memorable things, have happened with the Red Sox. That World Series win. The playoffs in 2003 and 2004. His ninth-inning, two-out, two-run home run off Clemens in the Rocket's 2000 bout with Pedro Martínez in the Bronx. His teammates -- notably Mike Stanley and Darren Lewis and Gabe Kapler. Johnny Pesky.

Nixon, who along with wife Kathryn received the Red Sox' Ernie Tavilla Award for outstanding character and leadership on the field and in the community yesterday, is not sure how he'll feel Sunday. He brings up the topic of emotion himself, midway through a long answer to a question about seeing players come and go in free agency.

``I can't really tell if I'm going to be emotional or not," Nixon said. ``I don't know. Maybe at night in bed. Maybe a little bit. Maybe if my son asks me about it."

Maybe. For all the time he has spent in Boston, for all the time he has devoted to the Red Sox, and the fans, a few tears might squeeze past the dirty uniform and the pine tar and the regret about what could have been without injuries.

``I think it's important for all of us to take in as much as we can every day and appreciate what we have because we could very easily have it taken away from us," Nixon said. ``Not because it's a punishment, but just because that was the plan. I think we take that for granted every day. I know I've been guilty of it. I think it's important for us to always take in everything, whether it's the green of the grass out there, the smell of the ballpark, even when you drive in.

``Don't take it for granted, appreciate it. One day it's not going to be there."

RED SOX CHAT: Gordon Edes drops by Boston.com today at noon to chat about the offseason. Go to boston.com/redsox