For Youkilis, some painful memories fuel a desire to help

“People told me throughout my college years that, ‘I don’t know. He’s kind of pudgy. He can’t really move around well. I don’t know if he can be a professional athlete,’ ’’ the Red Sox infielder recalled yesterday. “He told me . . . ‘The day you make it to the major leagues is the day I’ll be there.’ ’’

On Thanksgiving Day of his sophomore year, Youkilis learned that his friend had committed suicide. To this day, he said, “I sit back at night and wonder what I could’ve done.’’

But that was not the only friend Youkilis lost to suicide. There were two others.

Youkilis shared those painful memories before nearly 200 people gathered at the Sheraton Needham Hotel yesterday for a benefit to raise awareness about teen suicide and how to prevent it. Needham has lost five teens to suicide in the past five years.

“This is something that when I saw all of you 18- and 19-year-olds standing up, I saw a reflection of myself,’’ said the 30-year-old ballplayer, directing his words to about 50 teens in the audience.

“A lot of times there’s stories around of Kevin Youkilis as a baseball player. There’s not a lot of stories of what I went through when I was growing up,’’ he said.

“It’s a little tough for me to talk about this,’’ he added, pausing to collect his thoughts. “This is something that, as you can see, has affected me my whole life.’’

Youkilis was asked to speak through his charity, Kevin Youkilis Hits for Kids, to raise money to support Riverside Trauma Center’s efforts to prevent youth suicide.

But when he revealed his personal connection to the topic, many were surprised, including several event organizers.

After Youkilis’s speech, Garrett Goodman, 20, a Needham High School graduate and a friend of several of the town’s suicide victims, said the ballplayer’s stories hit home.

“It’s comforting to know that he’s a normal person, too,’’ said Goodman, who attends the University of Vermont. “He made such a connection with all of us.’’

In an 18-month span, between November 2004 and April 2006, four Needham teens committed suicide.

Jason Roberts, 18, who graduated from Needham High School last year, took his life in March. His father, Richard, gave a passionate testimony about the loss of his son and said he was surprised to hear of Youkilis’s close connection to youth suicide.

“I was touched by his willingness to discuss such a personal topic, not just because he is a celebrity and an athlete, but because this isn’t an easy thing to talk about,’’ said Roberts. “I thought his emotion was great for the kids to see. Their reaction to Kevin was unbelievable.’’

The first time a close friend of Youkilis’s committed suicide was during high school. He said he was with that friend the same night he killed himself.

“I woke up to find out, and I had no idea what to do or where to go, who to talk to,’’ he said. “There’s a lot of times I ask myself, ‘What could I have done that night, before it happened?’ ’’

Youkilis did not talk about the third friend who committed suicide.

The ballplayer said that life poses problems for all, and the key is not to quit.

“It’s not going to be easy, and it’s not supposed to be easy,’’ added the infielder, who has claimed two World Series rings, made two All-Star appearances, earned a Gold Glove, and recently signed to a four-year extension.

He urged parents not to put too much pressure on their children and told teens that the problems they have now tend to seem bigger than they actually are.

Youkilis, who made his major league debut with Boston in 2004, still remembers how his roommate had faith in him. “And to this day,’’ he said, “I wish he could’ve been there to see it.’’