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Our love affair resumes at kickoff tonight

Posted by Obnoxious Boston Fan  September 7, 2011 03:31 PM

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Howie Long had no idea how right he was.

Not only is football America’s passion, but passion so often takes a back seat to football.

There are lockouts, and then there are lockouts and lockouts. But nobody gets locked out when it comes to the NFL.

Thankfully, the NFL lockout ended before anyone got hurt. The NBA lockout continues, but no one seems to care.

Some "lockouts" have nothing to do with labor negotiations. They happen when you suddenly decide to spend Saturday night with your pals instead of catching “Friends With Benefits VII” or decide you don’t want to go the in-law’s house for dinner because they still don’t have cable.

And sometimes you get "locked out" when you try to schedule a presidential address the same night as the other party’s big debate.

Even if you’re being “locked out” – you can still celebrate the arrival of pro football. Just ask
President Obama, who plans to wrap up tonight before kickoff.

We don’t do politics here. But the return of the NFL gives us at few more reasons – check some others out here and here – why watching the NFL is better than sex:

  • You can get a whole season of the NFL “Sunday Ticket” on Directv for $334.95. For the same amount you might get 30 minutes with the local “escort service.” And that doesn’t include the tip ...
  • It’s just as much fun alone as it is with a group of friends ...
  • You don’t have to worry about a presidential speech killing the mood...
  • You can watch the NFL sometimes up to 4 days a week...
  • There are never any unwanted berths...
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  • When you yell out “I love you Tom Brady” – Giselle won’t get jealous (and Mrs. Obnoxious doesn't care.)...
  • Discussing your “fantasy team” isn’t cause for divorce, break-up or slap across the face. (Unless you do it more than 10 times a day)...
  • You can have a “fantasy draft” without trying to pronounceNicole Scherzinger.”...
  • Using the term “let’s tailgate” won’t get you dragged into the HR Director’s office...
  • Unless you’re Rick Pitino, the 2-minute drill doesn’t end after 15 seconds...
  • It’s disease free...
  • Size only matters to the person you’re sitting next to. (You’re reading a blog post about the NFL and sex and all you care about is that I ended that sentence with a preposition?)...
  • Weight, looks and – unfortunately – personal hygiene are strictly optional...
  • Any long-term emotional baggage can be dealt with by burning your Super Bowl XLII DVD or pretending that loss to the Jets never happened...
  • Hoodies are comfortably worn for hours on end...

Now, it’s your turn – tell us why watching the NFL is better than making love and do it in a way that might actually preserve whatever rules of deceny still exist here.

Some other observations and stuff-that-should-be-true but probably isn't:

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  • Still can't believe Milan Lucic reporedly played the old "Do you know who I am card?" with the police. That may have worked in Vancouver, but not so much in Boston. Three things you don't ever want end up saying to the cops: "Do you know who I am?" "I only had a couple of drinks" and "She said she was 21."...
  • Bruins regular-season tickets go on sale Friday and for the first time 39 years someone besides Jack Edwards will notice. Envious of anyone who will be there Oct. 6 when the banner drops...
  • R.I.P. Brad McCrimmon and the rest of the victims of Wednesday's crash...
  • Daniel Bard must have the under in theTim Wakefield 200-win pool...
  • Maybe they ought to have Jason Varitek pinch-run next time...
  • Sobering to hear Michael Felger yesterday rattle off all the members of the Patriots defense from last season who are no longer with us. Albert Haynesworth should probably rent. BTW, I wonder if WEEI will sound any different in FM on-line...
  • Today in Boston Sports Misery: Sept. 8, 1925 - Babe Ruth hits his 300th career home run at Fenway Park - not for the Red Sox. The Yankees won the game 7-4, and you know the rest.

    Time for your vote: Let your voice be heard. The debate rages on who hae earned our first annual "Negative 10th Player Award?" J.D. Drew? Carl Crawford? Dice-K? John Lackey? Theo? Post your responses here, on our Obnoxious Boston Fan Facebook page or e-mail them to me at obnoxiousbostonfan@hotmail.com. And don't forget to follow us on twitter @realOBF.

    Thanks for reading. Pass the clicker.

This blog is not written or edited by Boston.com or the Boston Globe.
The author is solely responsible for the content.

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Obnoxious Boston Fan offers a fun, unique and biting perspective on the Red Sox, Celtics, Bruins, Patriots and whatever else people are talking about in the world of sports. We More »
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