Hallelujah! The Tim Tebow trade to the Jets by the Broncos is officially official. The Apocalypse can't be far behind. The holdup in the deal may have been a hint that He didn't want him in New York. Leave it to the Jets to ignore the warnings from above. They wanted Tebow so badly they traded for him twice. The ultimate preacher QB eventually made the choice to take the world's loudest pulpit. The Word is now the word in New York. "Tebowmania" will make "Lin-Sanity" seem like a mood swing. This is just what the Jets didn't need. You have to love it. The reaction of Patriots fans and sports bloggers everywhere was immediate:John 3:16 meet Rex 350 (give or take a few pounds). Talk about taking a bite of the apple. Will Tebow fall from grace after being tempted by the Biggest Apple of them all? Will he able to stay the same humble man of faith while starring on (actually off) Broadway? Something has to give - either Tebow or New York. He'll be raking in ungodly amounts of endorsement cash before he even takes a snap. Don Draper is coming out of retirement just to handle the Tebow account. Fame. Fortune. Free passes to Cheetah's. This could be the toughest test for Christianity since the days of Emperor Constantine.
This is Biblical in scope - if not hype. Imagine, all this for a backup QB. Who's Eve in this case? Rex Ryan, perhaps. Let's put a giant flowing wig and some fig leaves in Rexy - XXXL, of course. Will Tebow change Rex or will Rex change Tebow? Ivory clean meets potty mouth. "Coach, I've never heard that phrase before. How can Bill Belichick do that himself?" Ryan might have to be bleeped every time he talks to his QB.
Does this make Eli and the Giants the snake? Or was that role already set after the Super Bowl? And what about Mark Sanchez? Whatever turbulence the Jets avoided by signing Sanchez to that extension is long gone. The Jets put the fun back in dysfunctional. Not only do Patriots fans get to watch Tebow twice a year - even if he's carrying a clipboard - they get to sit back and watch the Jets implode months before the season begins. The long knives will come out every time either Sanchez or Tebow loses.
Tebow chose Sardi's over the Waffle House. But Tebow got sweet some payback if not a great breakfast. He didn't just knock Peyton Manning's little brother and the Super Bowl champion Giants right off the back page for the next six months, he obliterated them. Given the way the Jets bungled this whole thing only reinforces their desperation. The presence of Jeremy Lin and Tebow in New York at the same has to be a sure sign that the Mayans were right on with that whole "End of the World in 2012" calendar thing. We always thought New York fans were beyond redemption. In this case we may all be going down the tubes.
Tebow the Jet is devilishly good. Facing Tebow twice a year can't hurt the Patriots, considering their success against him and the Broncos last season. Sanchez to Tebow - if the Jets make that move - is no more than a lateral one at best. Which is where most of their passes will be going. Both QBs have not proven themselves as stable passers. Tebow seems to have an edge in the character department given his avoidance of dating high schoolers while in the NFL.
Tebow has lived an amazingly sheltered life for someone of his public profile and stature. The Most Eligible Virgin in New York was born in the Philippines, home-schooled until he enrolled at the University of Florida and remains - for those of us like yours truly who have had the opportunity to meet him one-on-one in person and away from the cameras - an incredibly innocent spirit. The scrutiny he will face in New York is unimaginable for both him and his handlers - despite what they've already been through. This time, Tebow will be on the receiving end of those circumcisions - all day every day.
Tebow passed on unconditional love back home in North Florida. The wrath that will reign down upon him if/when he begins to struggle will test his faith in ways he never imagined. And that's just the hate from his teammates. It got started Wednesday as cornerback and the mother of all Baby Daddies Antonio Cromartie - he of the nine kids with eight women over six states - tweeted before the trade "we don't need Tebow" - among other things. Tebow might lose his virginity by default if they're on the same roster.
Jimmy Fallon was just a day late in his latest "Tebowie" offering. How about a sequel in a Jets jersey:
Tebow can visit Times Square, stand on the corner of Broadway and 42nd Street in a flowing robe and offer eternal salvation to anyone who wants it without earning himself even a passing stare. Promising salvation to the Jets and their fans in the shadow of Eli might be one vow even this promise keeper won't be able to fulfill.
It may be sinful to root for the Jets, but Tebow is one New Yorker who would be hard as hell to hate.
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