The ace of Boston's staff, Jon Lester, is 0-2 and saw his ERA soar to 5.82. He threw 49 pitches in the second inning - long before the last-place Red Sox lost to the Rangers by five field goals. Lester left with the bases loaded and no one out after two-plus innings and was tagged for seven runs and eight hits while giving up four walks on 80 pitches. He "stunk." Or something like that.
The Red Sox are a team in turmoil - especially when they get beaten 18-3 at Fenway Park. This time, Bobby Valentine left in his starter too long by letting him pitch into the third.
When the No. 1 starter on the team puts up numbers like Lester's - it makes no difference whether Valentine and Kevin Youkilis are going to have lunch Thursday. The clubhouse mirrors Syria. The manager was de-nutted by the GM after the best player on the team threw him under the bus. Larry Lucchino runs the Red Sox, but they'd be better off letting Bobby Jenks drive.
John Henry was last seen celebrating Patriots' Day on his yacht with the crew from Liverpool FC.
Carmine must have a virus.
The 1977 Yankees defined clubhouse dysfunction. But they won. The Red Sox have continued 2011's internal freefall with at new manager but the same old problems. Surprised Josh Beckett was able to take time out of his "Snich-Hunt" to beat the Rays on opening day. Getting rid of Tito did little to change what ails the Red Sox. Maybe Dustin Pedroia should manage the team since he's talking like he's already in charge. The Red Sox are acting like they're an NBA team. Perhaps Pedroia and Youkilis - he of the four Ks Tuesday - can demand the Celitcs fire Doc Rivers.
Good news - when the Red Sox were down by two touchdowns (16-2) Tuesday, they still managed to snap off another mass rendition of "Sweet Caroline." That might be the straw that breaks Neil Diamond's back. Have you no shame, Dr. Charles? They should have been playing "Taps."
This one went from loss to embarrassment at the hands of Mark "Plutonium" Melancon. Only Jerry Jones could build a stadium big enough to contain a Melancon fastball. I never thought anyone ever had a shot at reaching the Dunkin' Dugout until Josh Hamilton connected Tuesday. The Ted Williams "Red Seat" was under assault for the first time in decades. Eliot might have to move that "Jordan's Furniture" sign back to Cambridge with this pitching staff.
More scary numbers: Melancon threw 26 pitches, gave up about a quarter-mile of home runs, six runs, four hits, two walks and a partridge in a pear tree. But he was unable to get anyone out. Melancon's ERA is 49.50. John Lackey is jealous. Eric Gagne can rest in peace. The Massachusetts Department of Environmental Protection issued a plea for the Red Sox to cut Melancon in order to preserve the Mystic River ecosystem.
The Red Sox have not come close to resolving their middle-bullpen issues and rotation remains spotty. Scoring 31 runs in the first three games against Tampa was a nice mirage. Valentine and Youkilis can take a whirl on "Dancing With the Stars" or settle their issues "Mad Men" style. But this team will only go as far as its pitching will take it, which is looking like fourth place right now.
Two One more against the Rangers and then the Yankees come to town to celebrate Fenway's 100th this weekend. Move out the fences while you can.
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