Jon Lester throws a complete game.
Still, no respect.
Just ask any Red Sox fan today "How are you doing?" You might likely get this answer, even with the team still in last place: "I'm all right, don't nobody worry about me."
With that tune in our heads, birthday boy Josh Beckett (he's 32) had a 4:05 p.m. tee time at Fenway Park Tuesday. Snobs. Slobs. Golf. Dysfunction. Beckett, who was dealing Tuesday with nine strikeouts and seven shutout innings, almost single-handedly turned Fenway Park into Bushwood. So here's a look at the 2012 Red Sox through some of the classic scenes from the original "Caddyshack."
Rodney Dangerfield got "no respect." Beckett has not earned any respect. But they both put family first. Sort of. And each have some questionable doctors. We begin with Beckett (portrayed by the legendary Al Czervik) showing little patience or concern while John Henry (Judge Smails) takes his time trying to set up the perfect tee shot.
Things aren't much better on the course. Beckett continues to cause one distraction after another, whether he's getting shelled by the Indians, whining about his 18 days off, not caring, tormenting Henry. Meanwhile, Henry's caddy, the young, idealistic and impressionable Ben Cherington (Danny Noonan) watches helplessly. "The man is a menace," exclaims an exasperated Henry.
After that ill-fated outing, Beckett sits down with his agents and members of Red Sox management over dinner to discuss his sore lat:
Unsatisfied with the assistance offered by Henry, Cherington talks shop and seeks life guidance from the slick and smooth Larry Lucchino (played by Ty Webb), as he carries the bag for the Red Sox president.
Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine (another brilliant acting job by Carl Spakler) continues to struggle while trying to make sense of the mess he's been left to clean up, on and off the course. Before he invented the wrap, Valentine served as the inspiration for another mythic figure, detailing the incident for a member of the Red Sox press corps.
Beckett continues wreak havoc and crashes the party when Henry launches his new yacht. Listen for Beckett's boat horn. It says it all.
Poor Bobby V. Stuck in last place, his mind begins to wander. He has big dreams of his own.
Cherington, meanwhile, still aches for the approval of Henry. They meet in Henry's office and come to an understanding. Henry asks: "What do you stand for ... goodness or badness?"
Oh, poor Ben.
Cherington eventually figures it out. Henry can't be trusted. The young caddy is on the verge of acing out Henry (and his pal Carmine) to win the club championship. All the stress, meanwhile, takes a toll on Valentine, who takes his quest to root out the trouble in the clubhouse a bit too far. In the end, there's nothing left but fireworks and a big hole in the ground.
After all those fireworks, Beckett puts the screws to Henry to collect an $80,000 performance clause he's owed for pitching into the third inning of his last start.
Things end on a high note, but that pesky gopher who was tearing things up all over the place gets away.
Meanwhile, Beckett throws another party.
A few more outings like Tuesday's and we might have a reason to celebrate.
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