The first OBF Weekly NFL Power Rankings are out. We'll update them each week throughout the season. Remember, these are for entertainment purposes only.
1. Patriots: Still on track to go 16-0.
2. 49ers: Play Packers in Week 1 as we get the NFC Championship Game out of the way early.
3. Packers: See above, homefield may be on the line.
4. Texans: The AFC version of the Philadelphia Eagles. (Note: No animals were harmed in the making of this football team).
5. Steelers: Lost several key starters during Bane's takeover of Gotham City.
6. Bears: After reading the Sports Illustrated story about Jim McMahon this week, I no longer hate the 1985 Bears - as much.
7. Cowboys: Kevin Ogletree will be off your fantasy team by October 1.
8. Ravens: Has anyone seen Lee Evans lately? OK, how about Lee Majors or Linda Evans.
9: Broncos: Slight upgrade at quarterback position in the offseason.
10. Eagles: Michael Vick. Fragile. Handle With Care
11. Giants: They didn't make a defensive stop in the last 35 minutes against Dallas. About 7 months too late.
12. Chiefs: Matt Cassel and Romeo Crennel only 122 regular-season victories behind Tom Brady and Bill Belichick on all-time coach/QB tandem list. Belchick-Cassel trail by 113.
13. Falcons: Does every team from Atlanta have to underachieve?
14: Lions: Matthew Stafford-Calvin Johnson will combine for more TDs than Brady-Gronkowski, when I play Madden 13.
15. Saints: $500 for a late hit on Roger Goodell. Any takers?
16. Chargers: Forget Bobby Valentine - how does Norv Turner still have a job?
17. Bengals: Marvin Lewis coach until: 1. They win a playoff game (which hasn't happened since 1990) or 2. Every player gets arrested.
18. Bills: Any team playing the Jets is OK is my book.
19: Titans: Brady threw for 517 yards in season-opener last year. Jake Locker over/under this week: 51.7
20. Seattle: Pete Carroll makes career decision in picking rookie QB Russell Wilson over out Matt Flynn for the starting job.
21. Jets: Mark Sanchez was "rattled" when the Jets signed Tim Tebow. The rest of us were "simply overjoyed."
22. Panthers. Why bother with the season? Ryan Kalil has already told us who is going to win the Super Bowl.
23. Cardinals: Fordham grad John Skelton undefeated at home. Fellow Fordham grad Vince Lombardi still not impressed.
24 Redskins: Robert Griffin III. How long will it take Dan Snyder to screw this up?
25. Buccaneers: Nothing beats football outdoors in Florida on a 95-degree Sunday afternoon. 4:25 p.m. start won't help.
26. Raiders: Silver and blech. New coach. New general manager. Same results.
27. Rams: As public service - the Rams are 1-10-1 against the spread in their last 12 openers.
28. Jaguars: Maurice Jones-Drew and Wes Welker might want to think about hiring Scott Boras next time.
29. Dolphins: Highlight of season was/will be Chad Johnson being cut on "Hardknocks."
30 Browns: Another team with a rookie QB. At least Brandon Weeden gets to begin the season at home - which will give the fans something to boo since the Browns won't be honoring Art Modell.
31. Colts: Andrew will the only Luck they have this season.
32. Vikings: Rebuilding mode? They make the Red Sox look like Apple.
Don't forget to join us Sunday at 1 p.m. for our in-game Patriots-Titans fan chat. As always, let us know what you think. Post your thoughts here, on our Obnoxious Boston Fan Facebook page or e-mail them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. And don't forget to follow us on Twitter @realOBF. Thanks for reading. Pass the clicker.
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