Miley Cyrus set the tone early on "Saturday Night Live" this week.
There will be no twerking.
I don't owe anyone an apology, except the people who make the bottom half of shirts.
"Hannah Montana" was murdered.
The currently-embattled, literally and figuratively over-exposed and sometimes-talented Cyrus was all about moving on from her foam-finger-driven, twerk-laden performance at the Video Music Awards this week.
That was dispatched with in the show's cold opening.
The skit offered a look into the future [a post-apocalyptic New York in 2045, with two survivors, Kenan Thompson and Noel Wells] that tied the end of America to Miley's foam-fingered duet with Robin Thicke.
Canada did OK, thanks to Prime Minister Bieber.
The old Miley [Vanessa Bayer as Montana] met the new Miley backstage at the VMA's and tried to warn her that her planned underwear prance-dance, twerkfest might cause her some problems.
"If you wear that on stage, you'll end up in prison like that guy," warned old Miley, who also gave new Miley a Molly "American Girl" doll because the new Miley keeps singing about in her songs.
That guy turned out to be Thicke [Taran Killam]. His best line: "Are you ready to grab my junk while I half-sing."
“Why do you keep doing that with your tongue?” old Miley asked.
“I’m having tiny strokes, yo,” new Miley answered.
“This is so weird,” Miley said to her old self. “I must have smoked too much … cigarettes
Even Will Smith [nailed by the ever-brilliant Jay Pharoah] wished Miley luck and wished for a G-rated performance.
The most creative moment of the night was the "50 Shades of Grey" screen test.
It featured several interesting gruops of actors paired up in the leading roles, including Steve Harvey and Rebel Wilson, and Jon Cryer and Jane Lynch.
The government shutdown was a recurring theme.
Cyrus and Killam returned in a dancing interpretation of the government shutdown - taking a left turn in laying the blame squarely on Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) and Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.)
Beyond the politics, the raunchy "We Did Stop (The Government)" video was based on Cyrus' "We Can't Stop" and included Boehner disturbingly dressed in ill-fitting underwear. Not something anyone wants see regardless of party affiliation. He was even caught kissing the nipple of a bare-chested dancer.
Bachmann grinded away on several objects, her fellow dancers and even Uncle Sam. Stuffed elephants were used as stand-ins for the teddy bears from the original "We Can't Stop" video.
Not sure if Cyrus knew who either Boehner or Bachmann were, or if the show's writers ever heard of Harry Reid?
Cyrus did look better as Bachmann in this video than she did as Cyrus at the VMAs.
Depending on your political views it was either brilliant satire, partisan perversion, or a combination of both.
All sides of the aisle could agree the highlight was President Obama [Pharoah] peering in the window with a terrified look on his face.
Cyrus also performed "Wrecking Ball" and "We Can't Stop" live on the show.
"Weekend Update" delivered its winners and losers of the Government Shutdown. Among the losers, Boehner, the GOP and the healthcare.org website. The biggest winner: Nic Cage since "no one was guarding the Smithsonian."
During "Weekend Update", Shannon Sharpe [Pharoah] offered Seth Meyers some thoughts on Week 5 of the NFL season complete with unintelligible twists and turns.
Bruce Willis hosts next week with Katy Perry as the musical guest.
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