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Fop Guns

Posted by Charles P. Pierce  January 7, 2010 09:57 AM

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I am extremely disappointed in my friends over at the National Rifle Association. David Stern has severely restricted the Second Amendment rights of one Gilbert Arenas -- and, perhaps, those of Javaris Crittenton as well, although in Crittenton's case, he may avail himself of the well-known mitigating circumstance of Not Being Famous Enough. It seems that the two of them brought their constitutionally protected personal firepower into the locker room of the Washington Wizards, whereupon they exercised their constitutional rights to brandish their iron. This has caused Stern to step in -- probably with his jackboots -- and begin the long, slow slide to authoritarianism in yet another part of our once-free country. And, as far as I can tell, the NRA is nowhere to be found. I am extremely disappointed by this.


After all, every time somebody opens fire in the workplace, or shoots up a university, the defenders of our gun culture are quick to point out that the whole thing could have been avoided if more of the secretaries had been packing heat, or if everyone on the campus had been strapped while studying their Camus. More guns, less gun crime. That's what we hear anyway.


(And, no, you should not come back and tell me that the two players were carrying "unlicensed" firearms or some such other liberal wussy nonsense, because we all know what the NRA feels about the people who are supposed to enforce those laws, and everyone will laugh at you anyway.)


Clearly, then, the solution to the arms race in the Wizards locker room is to arm everyone. If Gilbert Arenas knew that, say, Brendan Haywood or Mike Miller were also carrying, he might be less likely to be waving around his personal overcompensation so freely. Live free or die.


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