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Bold men and their games

Posted by Charles P. Pierce  June 14, 2010 05:12 PM

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In case you missed it, the American Right is all a'tizzy about the World Cup. They're not having any of this, by God. Some of them have even abandoned Americanism entirely and lined up with the Cheating French Bastards on the issue  of vuvuzelas -- which, I am sure, most of them believe is some sort of synonym for the naughty bits of which they've all heard rumors around the old campfire.

I have heard endlessly about how it is liberals who a) wedge their politics into every aspect of modern life, and b) go through life desperately afraid that someone, somewhere, is having fun. (In the conservative formulation, this usually means that the Someone is smoking a big cigar and lining up his next ex-wife.) But, really, folks, who's out there now declaring entire worldwide sporting events to be unAmerican, and wondering why the rest of the countries in the world -- and a decent-sized piece of this one -- are enjoying the daylights out of this event? Of course, every time the American right encounters popular culture, hilarity ensues. The Weekly Standard did a sports issue a few years back at which real sportswriters have yet to stop laughing. And, you may note that one of the soccerphobes in question up above is a guy named John J. Miller, who wrote what may be the single funniest piece ever written about rock and roll. 

Look, kids. People aren't enjoying the World Cup because they're liberals. They're enjoying the World Cup because it's a Big Honking Deal and Americans love Big Honking Deals, and they're enjoying it because live daytime sports provide an excuse to duck out of work and into a cool, dark place that sells beer to watch Paraguay draw with Italy, two countries that conservatives historically should embrace, if only for nostalgia's sake. I mean, really, guys. Don't you have birth certificates to chase down? Lighten up, Francis.

 

dean wormer.jpg

 

No fun of any kind!

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