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Capital mistakes

Posted by Charles P. Pierce  December 6, 2010 11:19 AM

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Holy Flying Spaghetti Monster, why not just go down to 14th and D and throw the money out a window.

The ongoing mistake that is the Washington Nationals continue to amaze and delight. Not only does major-league baseball give Our Nation's Capital another baseball team to ignore, which ONC's had done twice before, as though this time was ever going to be different, then the city itself mortgages itself until the sun goes nova for a ballpark so that people will have a glorious facility to ignore. Now, desperate to fill the stadium somehow, and apparently believing tractor-pulls to be declasse and human sacrifice to be less than family friendly, the team -- predictably ignored, predictably unloved, and predictably as doomed as anything languishing in the Senate right now, including Joe Lieberman -- decides to wildly overspend for a guy who's even money to petrify long before he cashes his last paycheck. Seven years for Jason Werth? Just dig up Walter Johnson and start him on Opening Day, why don't you?

The quotes from GM Mike ("Why, yes. I would love some magic beans.") Rizzo are utterly priceless. It seems very likely that the Nationals brain trust -- which I would not trust to have any brains, by the way -- has adopted a variation of the Underpants Gnome School of Economics:  Step 1: Collect Aging Veterans Step Two: ???? Step Three: Profit!!!!

Why is This Blog so frosted? Because the Washington Nationals are a historical freak and an economic debacle that you could see coming a mile off, but that various Very Serious People inside the Beltway thought would be a brilliant idea, just as they thought the other teams DC wouldn't support -- now d/b/a the Texas Rangers and the Minnesota Twins -- were better ideas in retrospect than they were at the time, when the city lost two baseball teams in 12 years. Why shouldn't Our Nation's Capital have a team representing it in Our National Pastime? The answer is, it does. That team is called the Washington Redskins.

And This Blog is also frosted because MLB refused to listen to its brilliant plan regarding where to move the Montreal Expos -- namely, to Havana. Listen, it's only a matter of time. The island is baseball-silly and the old man in charge -- who, all evidence to the contrary, can't live forever --  used to pitch. Get some broadminded billionnaire -- Mr. Soros? Line 5 -- to build us a ballpark on the waterfront. Call it Sierra Maestra Stadium, if it keeps the old man happy. What do we care? Price the tickets cheaply for the first decade, so as to build an audience among the young fan base. At the time, the Expos were loaded with young talent from in and around the Caribbean basin. If Japanese fans will fly to Seattle to watch Ichiro play, why couldn't we put together charter flights from the Dominican and from Central and South America to bring in people to watch the Havana Revolucion or whatever we call the team. Get some capitalism in there before the old gentleman dies and the regime collapses.

It makes far more sense to have a team in Havana than it does to have two in Florida, and any baseball team at all in Washington, D.C. Sometimes, This Blog wonders why it doesn't control the world. Should've joined the Masons.

 
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