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Panic at the disco

Posted by Charles P. Pierce  September 17, 2011 11:02 AM

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Stuck in traffic on 93 South yesterday while riding in The Car Without Satellite Radio, This Blog was favored on the radio with the smooth broadcast stylings of Mr. Baseball (pace Sean McAdam), who was quite clear that, because Marco Scutaro failed to field the ball the other night while ducking bat shrapnel, the Red Sox therefore did not have It -- or That Thing, which are apparently interchangeable -- and therefore were not A Championship Team. Oddly, Mr. Baseball kept insisting that "the second-baseman" had It -- or, That Thing -- which led This Blog to ponder how the Red Sox in toto could lack It - or That Thing -- if the second-baseman had It --or That Thing -- even if the shortstop were somehow lacking in It, or That Thing. But then This Blog decided that there is a good living to be made measuring teams by intangible metrics only you can calculate -- this was once called Talking Out Of Your Keister, but that was before talk-shows were invented -- and that America is indeed a great country because of it.

Moving on, This Blog believes he saw more than a little of It -- or That Thing -- last night, when Josh Beckett pitched an ace's start for himself, and when Terry Francona showed no fear in running the struggling Daniel Bard out there with a one-run lead, and was rewarded when Bard overpowered the three batters he faced. (Mr. Baseball had pointed out that Francona was a "soft manager" earlier that afternoon, he'd also banged on his little tin drum regarding Beckett's fragility.) The problems with the Red Sox have nothing to do with It -- or That Thing -- or somebody's subjective Freud For Dummies interpretation of sports-as-testosterone count. The problems are that they were supposed to have four competent starting pitchers this year and they're down to two, and that their All Star third-baseman has broken down alarmingly, and that Carl Crawford is having a terrible year. Oh, and that Curtis Granderson is your AL MVP. And America is still a great country.
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