See, here I thought Jesus recently announced his return in the morning dew on the driver's side window of an Isuzu pickup truck in Jonesborough, Tenn. Turns out, it was actually in the form of Ted Ginn Jr.

Miami Dolphins offensive coordinator Dan Henning – also former Boston College overseer of all place bets – compared the underperforming wide receiver to a higher power after returning two kickoffs for touchdowns last week against the Jets. He also said there was no better human story last week. Hey, who can argue?

From the Miami Sun-Sentinel:

"Wasn’t that marvelous. Wasn’t that marvelous?," Henning said. "You know, in the Bible, on Palm Sunday they threw flowers and garlands at the Good Lord and then on Friday, they picked him up, beat the s--- out of him, crucified him, and in this league they give us seven days – only gave him five.

"So we go back three or four weeks ago and Teddy was a hero after the first Jet game, he was a goat after New Orleans and now he’s a hero again. I can’t wait to see the next chapter of this and who decides that….

"We’re going to try and see if we can get him to be a killer of other teams, as he was against Buffalo last year, like he was against Seattle last year. … If we go back in time we’re going to find all those things but we only want to focus on what happened on Good Friday, not what happened on Palm Sunday …

"To me, there can be no better human story than what happened last week around here and what Teddy was able to come up with. You can take anything that happened in that game, that was the best feeling for me to see him come out of that. He had to be lower than whale defecation, and that’s at the bottom of the ocean. You know what I mean? For him to be able to come out and do that, it’s a great story."

Take that, billions of other people. Ted Ginn Jr. is the greatest human alive. Bow to him on Sunday, will you?

Where the heck is Mercury Morris?

I thought for sure someone (ahem, ESPN) would have dug up the former Dolphins running back by now so that he could announce to the world why neither the 7-0 Colts nor Saints pose a threat to his 1972 team's perfect 16-0 record.

Yet, nothing, not even after Ted Ginn Jr.'s 101-yard kickoff return against the Jets last weekend, second only in team history to Morris' 105-yarder in 1969. Not even to celebrate today's 28-year-anniversary of his 20-year sentencing for drug trafficking. Not even as the Dolphins prepare to take on his favorite team to hate, the Patriots, this weekend in Foxborough.

Nada.

Instead, we've had to settle solely for Joey Porter, who, frankly, we realized was still playing only just this week. Porter hates the Patriots, hates Bill Belichick, hates Tom Brady, hates the New England throwback uniforms, hates Route One traffic, and hates the menu at the Foxborough Davio's.

"I have a natural hate for them -- period," Porter said. "And that's just going to be with me forever. That's not ever going to change."

Yawn. Lame. Bring us back to the good, old times, Mr. Morris.

Who they're picking

Our roundup of picks for this week's Dolphins-Patriots game:

I was living in New York the last time the Yankees won the World Series. Yankee fans celebrated that title by crowding the local speakeasies and carousing with flapper girls, dancing the night away to the controversial lyrics of Rogers and Hammerstein.

It wasn't easy making things work back in 2000. You kids may not realize this, but back then if we wanted to browse the World Wide Web, we had to sit down at a desk instead of picking up our mobile phones. The St. Louis Rams were the premier team in an NFL that had yet to fight off the threat of the XFL. "The Simpsons" were relevant, Christina Aguilera, today the ripe, old age of 29, won a Grammy for Best New Artist, and Tiger Woods was at the top of his game.

New York Magazine crunched the numbers. It had been 2,992 days since the New York Yankees could call themselves world champs. Think about that for a moment. That means 8-year-olds living in New York had never had the opportunity to celebrate a World Series title. God bless these Yankees indeed.

I don't really know where to begin with the New York Post's front page this morning. The tabloid's lame Photoshop job of Pedro Martinez in diapers is parts hysterical, parts disturbing. Here's hoping there's an opportunity to get Joe Girardi's mug on a goat come tomorrow.

I suppose some piece of my heart should have felt badly for A.J. Burnett when Fox cameras showed the despondent Yankees starter staring into space last night, his dreary eyes searching for answers about what could have been had he been even the least bit effective.

It didn't.

Truthfully, it had nothing to do with wanting to see the Yankees go down to the Phillies, though I never was a really good liar, so take that statement for what it is worth. But Burnett's failure gives us the opportunity of catching not only a World Series Game 6 (the first time since 2003 we've seen one of those), but the pleasure of watching the theater that is Pedro Martinez perhaps, but probably not (ahem, Theo), for the final time.

We can assume the layout folks at the Philadelphia Inquirer aren't big baseball fans.

In a Dewey defeats Truman moment, here's the back page of section one today, the day after the Phillies fell down 3-1 in the World Series against the Yankees:

Some magic indeed. According to NBC Philadelphia, this may be the work of a rogue Yankee fan on staff: "Next to the offending ad is an article that should have the headline “Limbaugh, Axelrod Trade Jabs.” Instead, the second blooper on the same page reads: 'Limbaugh, Alexrod Trade Jobs.'"

See what they did there? That's Yankee comedy gold.

According to NBC, the Inquirer has refused to comment.

Via Philly Talk.com

I rooted for the Yankees once.

Michael Wrobel was only 11 years old when he lost his battle with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma in 1996. His family struggled through the remainder of that summer, searching for meaning, grasping for reason in places that incessantly had few answers. The Wrobels, despite being ardent Yankee fans, have had significant influence on my life, and when the Yankees made the playoffs that year, I was comforted in the fact that baseball could serve as some tiny solace to a family in overwhelming grief.

So, yeah, I rooted for the Yankees that year. I rooted like heck for them.

I left the field that night – you know, THAT night – as the Red Sox continued their celebration amidst a dwindling throng of family, friends, fans, and media. I exited through the right field gate at the old Busch Stadium, where a couple of grounds crew members stood as a light mist began to fall from the increasingly late St. Louis sky.

"Looks like the Babe is crying," one of them said.

Everyone has a favorite story from the night the Red Sox won the World Series for the first time in 86 years. That might be mine. In one perfect moment, the "Curse of the Bambino" was officially laid to rest, following a two-week period of baseball that we will never forget.

Next year, let's give the Browns and the Rams to London.

For good.

Odds are those two aren't coming up too often based on the criteria used on the NFL's odd team-picker site, aimed at giving curious fans in the United Kingdom the chance to choose their rooting interests.

The results are based on three separate paths using questions ("Are you a glutton for punishment?" Yes. "Proceed directly to the Dawg Pound."), a game of accuracy (the worse you are at it, the better your chances of winning a date with JaMarcus Russell), and gut instinct (the NFL isn't going to insult prospective fans by actually suggesting he or she might be a Panthers fan).

Boston.com sports editor Matt Pepin is substituting for Eric Wilbur this week.

One more “London Calling” headline may just push us over the edge, although we’re bracing for a healthy dose of it, as well as that darn song, all weekend long.

Yes, it’s an interesting thing the Patriots are doing this weekend.

No, it’s not much more than a football game. The players treat it like nothing special. Most of England doesn’t know Tom Brady from Marcia Brady.

Experienced business travelers know how the Patriots feel. When you travel somewhere for work, it’s rarely fun. Usually work dominates all your time, and dinners out tend to be about as good as it gets in terms of sightseeing.

So we’ll stick to business too. Here’s a roundup of how national football experts are calling the Patriots-Buccaneers game Sunday at 1 p.m. (EDT) at Wembley Stadium in London.

• ESPN.com: It’s Patriots across the board for the panel of 10 who make selections.

• Cold, Hard Football Facts: Patriots 31, Buccaneers 13. “The Bucs … are winless and have been competitive only with bilge cleaners Washington and Carolina.”

• Peter King, Sports Illustrated: Patriots 38, Buccaneers 10. "As Roger Goodell flies to London this week, one of The Things I Think He Thinks is: Come on, Bill. Puh-leeeze. Don't run the score up this week. Not in this showcase game."

• Pete Prisco, CBS Sports: Patriots 38, Buccaneers 10. "Tom Brady will have a field day here in front of the London crowd, and Josh Johnson won't be able to handle the Patriots defenses."

• CBS Sports staff: Patriots across the board.

• Vinnie Iyer, Sporting News: Patriots 31, Bucs 7. "Tom Brady will keep another overmatched defense in the fog."

• Peter Schrager, Fox Sports: Patriots 37, Bucs 14. "Here we are, bringing our nation's favorite game to the Queen's country, and we're going to give them this matchup?"

• USA Today staff: Patriots across the board, with four of the eight panelists making it their lock of the week.

• Yahoo! sports staff: All three writers take New England, and the Yahoo users have the Patriots at 98% chance of winning.

• Greg Cote, Miami Herald: Patriots 42, Bucs 20. "Londoners expecting the best in American football get half of that in New England's Patriots."

• Sam Farmer, Los Angeles Times: Patriots 35, Bucs 14. "It's a mismatch."
  

Our pick: Patriots 42, Bucs 0. We've yet to see someone pick the Bucs, and we're not going there either. The real storylines: Will Adalius Thomas play? Will Patriots backup QB Brian Hoyer get more PT? Will there be a streaker?

Think of London, a small city...

• I had to laugh about Tim McCarver's assessment Saturday night that all those who called Derek Jeter the worst fielding shortstop in baseball over the years were hiding under a rock after his sparkling defensive season. This statement was, of course, made after Mark Teixeira saved a Jeter throw high and wide to the first baseman's left. I kept waiting for Joe Buck to point out what the Gold Glove first baseman has meant to the Yankee infield overall, and it never came. I guess it's just easier to fleece the Jeter legend than it is to actually, you know, find a tangible reason for his lowest error output in 11 years. Mystique always was easier to use than fielding range anyway.

• Great to see that this story has a happy ending for a local craft-brewer. Don't think Monster Energy Drinks are going to be a big seller in Vermont any time soon.

• How badly does Fox want a Yankees-Phillies World Series? So badly they started previewing it earlier this week. During Game 3.

  "It's like aura and mystique have made a comeback," Ken Rosenthal said. "Teams are falling apart at the sight of the Yankees."

  Good Lord, it's going to be a long two weeks. On the bright side, TBS can go back to pretending anyone even knows who Bill Engvall is.

Oh, the psychological damage that the Patriots must have inflicted on the poor Tennessee Titans.

Case in point: In what can either be classified as a stroke of genius or hitting rock bottom, Titans coach Jeff Fisher showed up at a rally at the University in Nashville yesterday, and introduced former Colts coach Tony Dungy to the crowd wearing a Peyton Manning jersey.

"I just wanted to feel like a winner," he said.

Ouch.

Maybe it was Fisher's way of motivating a group of players who quit on him during Sunday's 59-0 trouncing at Gillette Stadium. Or maybe he's intent on going down in flames in Tennessee.

Fisher later apologized for the jersey during his weekly radio show:

“It was for a very, very worthwhile cause, charity,” Fisher said. “I was introducing Tony, just having fun with it and I really apologize if I offended anybody, but if you’re offended over the nature of that type of thing, then I think you need to rethink things.

“This is a very worthwhile and needy benefit and I was honored to be there. … I’m sorry if I offended anybody but if I had to do it again, I would do it again.”

Titans fans don't think the whole thing is very funny. But then again, what is these days?

The secret to Mariano Rivera's cut fastball?

Yeah, probably not.

Still, Angels fans are up in arms over this clip (now in slow motion!), which appears to show the Yankees closer summoning ol' Eddie Harris for inspiration. Today, the question in Angels Nation doesn't seem to be, "Can the Angels rebound to win the ALCS?" but the all-important, "Did the spit land on the ball?"

You decide. Rivera does seem to contemplate his loogy for some time there.

Of course, there probably hasn't been a loogy this talked about in New York since...well, this one:

Five hundred twenty-six saves, 36 postseason saves, four World Series titles. That, my friends, is one magic loogy.

Oh, and speaking of Rivera, guess what happened five years ago today.

Perhaps the only item of interest lost in the Laurence Maroney shuffle of yesterday's 59-0 shellacking of the Tennessee Titans was that Patriots running back Sammy Morris went down with a knee injury and did not return.

Of course, there's no word on how serious the injury was, and it's not like Morris was going to return to that disaster on the field anyway. But the NFL trading deadline does happen to be tomorrow, you know, which has some folks proposing some fun ideas. Tops on that list: Mike Florio's suggestion that the St. Louis Rams (maybe the only reason we can't call the Titans the worst team in football) ship running back Steven Jackson to New England.

In the end, they'll be 11-5. Division champs.

That, of course, means you'll have to deal with three more "inexplicable" losses. You OK with that?

There's a lot of truth to Chris Gasper's column yesterday about the Patriots being judged by their 2007 season in the eyes of the fans. "It's no longer about winning with style points," Gasper wrote, "it's simply about finding a way to score enough points to win."

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that the way these Patriots won when they stocked three Lombardi trophies in Bob Kraft's Patriots Place closet this decade? The 2007 video game edition has nothing to show for all its greatness except endless 18-1 punch lines.

But the Patriots are 3-2, which is one loss away from being average. So? As Cold, Hard Football Facts points out, "New England also joins the Broncos, Bengals and Saints as the only teams in football with two or more Quality Wins. And they’re the only team with a winning record that’s played four games against Quality Opponents."

Of course, we're not too sure how good the Ravens are if they lose to the Bengals, who we don't really have a solid feel for yet, but you get the picture. However, take a look at the remainder of the 2009 schedule, and you have to like what you see: Tennessee and Tampa Bay (in London) the next two weeks are a combined 0-10 on the season. After the bye, the Patriots get the 2-3 Dolphins at home, followed by what will possibly be their next loss in Indianapolis.

From there, it's the Jets, at New Orleans (possible loss), at Miami (possible loss), the Panthers, at Buffalo, at Jacksonville, and at Houston to close out the season.

As easy as the next two weeks seem to be, mid-November to early December is a killer schedule that's could have a lot of Pats fans jumping ship at a more rapid pace than those looking to get off the Mohamed Massaquoi fantasy bandwagon. But studying that schedule with even a remote shred of doubt forecasts them to finish 11-5. It could be better.

An 11-5 mark wasn't good enough for the playoffs a season ago. This year, it will be, as the Jets finish out the season with a tough three-game stretch against Indy, Atlanta, and Cincinnati, who, again, may or may not be good enough to secure a playoff slot.

This much we do know. Tennessee isn't good enough. When you're playing for "pride" in Week 6, you're putrid.

Who they're picking

Our roundup of national writers' picks for this week's Titans-Patriots game:

The most discouraging thing I heard yesterday?

"It might be one more chance with this group to go out and win the whole thing."

That, of course, was Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein at yesterday's 2009 postmortem at Fenway Park, one day after Jonathan Papelbon and Terry Francona choked away Game 3 of the ALDS to the Angels. It was the typical end-of-the-season press conference. Changes will be made. Trades will be discussed. The Sox will get outbid by the Yankees on a free agent or two. The usual.

Hey, kids. It's Pigskin Prognosis 101. Now, you too can preview a football game with as much dim-witted simplicity as the pros.

Ready? Buzz words for this weekend's Patriots-Broncos game matching Bill Belichick against former assistant Josh McDaniels: Teacher, mentor, hoodie. Use them together with a tired pop culture reference, i.e. "The Dark Hoodie shows his pupil he's not ready to be a Jedi quite yet."

See, wasn't that easy? You're doing great.

Now that you've passed Step One, let's move on. The game will be played in Denver, which means the questions about thin air and weather must be asked. This is non-negotiable, and the questions must be posed with the approach that the Patriots have played neither in Denver nor in snow before. If done correctly, this will result in the coach answering the question with as much banality as possible, so you can, in turn, complain later about what a sour puss he is.

All right, next lesson; seeing as this is Belichick going up against a former assistant, it's imperative that you analyze and break down the handshake between the two at the end of the game. Save this for Monday to receive bonus points and amaze all your friends.

Nice work. You're really got a handle on things. Feel free to toss in any number of camera or supermodel cracks, and you'll be on the pregame desk in no time. Good for you.

Who they're picking

Our roundup of national writers' picks for this week's Patriots-Broncos game:

Apparently, Orlando Cabrera has been to the postseason with Tampa Bay.

And the Yankees.

Sounds accurate, I guess.

I don't even know anymore. Chip Caray could tell me that he played a pivotal role on the 2004 Red Sox and I'd have doubt.

Welcome to the blazingly incompetent world of the Major League Baseball playoffs on TBS, the network that doesn't seem to care about gaffes or bad feeds, as long you get the message across about its middling cable comedies.

As if the Red Sox' postseason dominance over the Angels weren't documented enough, how about this fun fact?

The Orange County Register's Jeff Miller points out: "Since 2004, these teams have played 94 postseason innings against one another. The Angels have had the lead for only 71/2 of those innings."

That's only 12.5 percent of the time, which is only a shade better than the 10 percent of the time the Angels have won a playoff game vs. Boston over that span.

For the record, Miller is going with the Sox in a sweep, only because they can't win the series in two.

Here is how some other folks see the series playing out:

It’s hard to believe, but if Pedro Martinez is indeed on the Phillies playoff roster, he’ll likely see his first postseason appearance since walking off the mound in Game 3 of the 2004 World Series.

It’s perhaps even more difficult to comprehend that this month marks the 10th anniversary of Martinez’s Game 5 ALDS performance against the Indians in 1999, one of the best pitching performances any of us has ever witnessed. Not able to pick up a ball just two days prior, Martinez came out of the bullpen and quieted down a slugfest in Cleveland with six, no-hit innings, helping lead Troy O’Leary and company to their first playoff series win in 13 years.