I've taken to frequently DVR'ing episodes of "The Wonder Pets" lately, due to the fact that my son has an infatuation with the little Nickelodeon creatures, and because my Comcast "On Demand" employs a mere four episodes that I've re-watched so many times I seriously want to drop-kick Linny. That dolphin is going to drown, guys. Quit singing and move it.
I do find the show endearing though in that comfortable way that all toddler programming is geared. With minimal antagonism, everything wraps up the same way every show, the Pets flying into the school house triumphant and full of celery. Much like viewing your favorite movie for the umpteenth time, you consistently know how the script ends, with no surprise around the bend.
I bring this up for two reasons. One, because I think I may have inadvertently deleted a few episodes last night in re-winding Brett Favre's fourth quarter interception repeatedly, and Two, yesterday's comeuppance in New Orleans was too sweet to not make the parallel.
Teamwork, indeed. Look, admittedly even we have to give it to THE GREATEST QUARTERBACK TO EVER PLAY THE GAME this season. Statistically, Favre had his best year since the invention of the wheel. He took a crop of secondary receivers and turned them into stars, overcame the all-too-frequent Medusan hands of Adrian Peterson, and gave hope to a fan base still smarting from the Vikings' epic loss to the Falcons 12 seasons ago.
How's that working out?
Favre may be an OK guy. He may be an egomaniacal, show up to camp late, overrated, won one Super Bowl when the media fluffs him like he's won a dozen, interception-tossing, thank God for Desmond Howard diva. But he might be a nice dude.
Still, it says something about the man when the nation rallies around the New Orleans Saints not because they're Drew Brees fans or want to see a still devastated city get something to root for. No, they just wanted the Saints to win because they hate the Brett Favre Saga, an insufferable, inaccurate, and overbearing love for the man that filters through the unapologetic national media. If Joe Montana were to announce he was un-retiring tomorrow, it wouldn't get half the ink that Favre would get simply for being a "tough SOB."
You'd think last night would have put an end to the ball-washing. Alas, no. In what is the dumbest statement he's made since saying the Patriots "hate their coach," ESPN's Tom Jackson said, "That's the thing about Brett Favre; he's not afraid to throw an interception. That's one of the things I most admire about him."
The stupidity of that statement has, as everything does these days, made it to Twitter, where hilarity ensues under the hash tag, #ESPNFavreRulesForAll. (If I may: "That's the thing about Martha Coakley. She's not afraid to single-handedly torpedo universal health care. Gotta respect that.")
I can only imagine the level of tolerance I would have had should Peyton Manning and LORD AND SAVIOR Brett Favre both played in the Super Bowl. I'd probably finally go see "Avatar" rather than sit home and disgrace myself by rooting for the Colts. Not that the soap burns hurt any less this morning after backing the Jets yesterday, but you know…
Instead, we'll ready for six months of "retirement" talk that already began last night. We all know how this story will end: After weeks of will he, won't he, Favre will show up in camp just after double sessions are finished ready to take the helm of the Vikings, despite the hard work his teammates have already sweated out, lead the Vikings to the playoffs, and suffer another colossal meltdown in the NFC title game. See 2010, 2008, for reference.
Despite some tense moments there last night, the Vikings committed the modern day football version of "Too Many Men on the Ice," and left it to Favre to do what he does best. It was a most comfortable ending to an intolerable story line about the most overrated athlete of our generation.
Maybe the best thing to come out of yesterday's game might be a possible change in the NFL's ridiculous overtime rule. Sure, your team may have been wronged by it in the past, but now that BRETT FAVRE has fallen victim to a flip of the coin, you can expect a movement. That's the way things work, see. What's good or bad for Brett Favre is good or bad for America.
But in the end, despite what you've been told, it's always the same.