Designer football may add wrinkle to booth
You wouldn't think there would be any more room at Fox,
NFL coaches wearing suits? It's a throwback concept, for sure, but if it materializes, the TV folks will have to be ready and that means just one thing: Which fashion designer/critic will become the No. 1 prospect to hop aboard for expert analysis?
Industry sources suggest Ralph Lauren will be the hottest property, but some scoff at that notion.
"Guys riding around on horsies and playing croquet? That's for stuffy royalty," said one TV veteran. "The NFL isn't croquet."
He suggests Tommy Hilfiger could command big bucks from Fox, which is more hip and in tune with the message his clothing line sends.
Having a fashion designer/critic as an analyst would have been a laughable thought two weeks ago, but Mike Nolan and Jack Del Rio have indicated they'd like to do what many of their showboating players do -- call attention to themselves. They want to wear suits and if they do, it will open up the floodgates and next thing you know, NFL coaches will look Mike Krzyzewski and Pat Riley and the 37 assistant coaches they have between them -- a bunch of GQ wannabes, with whistles and clipboards.
"Now the cameras will show these guys 27 to 36 times a half, which is a lot of air time," said one TV guru. "You can't have John Madden or Phil Simms or Dan Dierdorf telling America the guy is in a seersucker suit when, in fact, it's a dark, gray sharkskin weave cotton -- which are quite nice, by the way, and a steal at $2,565.
"We are going to need these fashion experts to be vehemently critical if some coach comes out wearing one of those ancient tweed jackets with the elbow patches -- a thought, quite honestly, that is nauseating. If a coach is wearing an Isaia wool or has an Italian cut, the viewer needs to know. It's as central to the game as whether a team is playing a one-gap, a two-gap, or the wishbone."
Beyond the spot in the booth for live action, there'll be a need to add the fashion police, if you will, to pregame and postgame shows. Consequently, a number of spots have opened up.
That's why Lauren and Hilfiger are in terrific bargaining positions, and even the esteemed Mr. Blackwell.
After all, if fashion becomes the rage, surely we'll need a top-10 list of the worst-dressed coaches.
Philadelphia at Indianapolis (-9) -- Jeff Garcia? A.J. Feeley? Adequate backups to the injured Donovan McNabb, but the best candidate would be Tom Izzo. Perfect timing, too. The college hoop season is in sleep-walk mode right now and Michigan State won't need him for football for a few months. Plus, his massive ego needs three jobs. Pick: Colts.
Houston at NY Jets (-6) -- Did you notice the third-string quarterback for the Jets? Kellen Clemens. No, he's not an officially licensed 'K' kid -- not like Koby, Kory, Kacy, or Kody -- so the Jets warn you not to buy merchandise saying so. Pick: Jets.
New Orleans at Atlanta (-3) -- The Saints are minus-9 in the turnover department. As for yours truly, when I'm in the turnover department, I go right for apple, although you don't have to twist my arm for a raspberry. Pick: Saints.
Cincinnati (-3) at Cleveland -- In their past four games, the Bengals' defense has given up 1,399 yards. It doesn't sound as bad, though, if you think in terms of kilometers, because it's only 1.8. Pick: Browns.
Jacksonville (-3) at Buffalo -- It's getting so hard to keep up with this celebrity stuff. I've taken notes, so let me see if I have this right: Brad and Angelina went to Africa and were adopted by Madonna, then they went to Italy to attend Tom's third wedding, because they all felt bad about missing his first two, plus they figured Bill Nye "The Science Guy" would be there, given that Tom is a converted scientist. Soon, they'll all return to America and live with Oprah. Pick: Bills.
San Francisco at St. Louis (-5 1/2) -- At 5-5, the 49ers are in the playoff hunt. At 5-5, I need a chair to reach the top shelf in the pantry for all the good cookies. Pick: Rams.
NY Giants (-3) at Tennessee -- Titans tight end Ben Troupe got hurt on his 14-yard touchdown against the Eagles. He was told his right ankle was broken, but coach Jeff Fisher said, "We're going to send him out and get a second opinion." Troupe was devastated when he heard that second opinion. His "Dancing with the Stars" dream was shattered. Pick: Titans.
Arizona at Minnesota (-6) -- The Vikings held the Dolphins to 4 yards rushing on 13 carries last week but lost the game when the offense coughed it up three times in the fourth quarter and Miami scored two defensive touchdowns. Separate locker rooms for the Minnesota offense and defense seem to be in order. Pick: Vikings.
Carolina (-4) at Washington -- Speaking of the Cardinals, they are closing in on a Guinness Book of World Records for most consecutive meaningless NFL games played in a row. It's something in the neighborhood of 837. Pick: Panthers.
Oakland at San Diego (-13) -- You would think TV folks would love LaDainian Tomlinson, but he's infuriating them. "If he keeps handing the ball to the official every time he scores a touchdown, how can we put him on the highlight reels?" asked one producer. "Can't he pull out a Sharpie or a cellphone or play golf with the pylon?" Pick: Chargers.
Pittsburgh at Baltimore (-3) -- Ben Roethlisberger threw 29 times against Cleveland last week -- in the fourth quarter alone. Imagine that? Obviously, the coaches didn't have him on any sort of pitch count. Pick: Steelers.
Green Bay at Seattle (-9 1/2) -- Brett Favre hurt his right elbow last week and his replacement, Aaron Rodgers, broke his foot. Favre should return this week, but if not, Ingle Martin gets the call. Imagine Johnny Most announcing him: "Ingle dingles and fingles, now he dangles and fangles, but wait a minute, he's being tackled by Laimbeer and Mahorn, thugs who simply assaulted the linemen with foreign objects -- nunchucks, I think they were. They came off the line of scrimmage in typical McFilthy and McNasty manner and now poor Ingle is mingled and mangled and the officials are going to just let them get away with it." Pick: Seahawks.
Last week: 5-10-1.
Season: 77-76-7.
