WILLIAM SHATNER Parcells parallel on TV
Pro Picks
Fortunately for the handful of people who have planned their New Year's Eve around the Music City Bowl, the event will go on as scheduled.
You mean there was a chance it wouldn't?
Darn right there was, but Florida State has something like 457 players on its roster, so losing 23 or so is no big deal. They've still got 434 players, or thereabouts, who think Nashville in December is the place to be, especially if it means a bowl game against Kentucky.
How does a team lose 23 players? Well, it's not that easy, but school officials came down hard on the players as part of a cheating scandal with regard to an Internet-based course. The players have been suspended by the school and while it would appear, on the surface, to be a good thing not to go to Nashville, the whole mess is dominating the football world.
It might not be the NFL, but it's the floor right below, which is why the pro guys are studying this situation carefully. Potential draft picks, you understand.
Sordid as it is, the controversy has answered one mystery. It has always been a curiosity as to why troopers travel to places like Morgantown, W.Va., Durham, N.C., and Chestnut Hill, Mass., to stand guard over Seminoles coach Bobby Bowden, as if he were the Sultan of Brunei coming to hand off his family fortune.
We now know the troopers are probably guarding the tutor, because he is in possession of the answers for the Internet course. That brings us to the root of this scandal: Reportedly, those answers were given to the players before the test.
OK, it's understandable that you might wonder why with all those buildings and all those professors and the high cost of tuition students would need to take an Internet course. But after securing a copy of the questions on the test, it's no surprise the tutor had to provide the answers ahead of time. Look how tough they were:
1. When the referee says, "Repeat first down," what down is it?
2. On which day of the week is "Monday Night Football"?
3. In which state is Florida State located?
4. Approximately how many minutes are left in the half or the game when the two-minute warning is announced?
5. If your team makes a 2-point conversion, how many points is it worth?
6. If your coach calls for the "three-wide" formation, how many receivers go wide?
7. Does Adolph Rupp still coach Kentucky?
8. You are on offense and have the ball at the opponents' 2-yard line. Your opponents are called for a penalty and the referees move the ball halfway to the goal line. Where is the new line of scrimmage?
9. How do you spell BCS?
10. At what point of the game is the opening kickoff held?
The picks
Miami at New England (-22) - Welcome back, Bill Parcells. He's decided to make the Dolphins his fifth NFL team. More importantly, it puts a halt to his third go-round with television. Only William Shatner ("Star Trek," "T.J. Hooker," and "Boston Legal") has enjoyed similar success with three TV flings. The only thing is, Shatner has had costars such as Heather Locklear, Candice Bergen, and Tara Summers. Advantage, Shatner. Pick: Patriots.
Dallas (-10 1/2) at Carolina - First Carrie Underwood, now Jessica Simpson? Tony Romo's taste in music is suspect. What else is on his iPod? Tiny Tim's "Tiptoe Through the Tulips"? Alfalfa singing "I'm the Barber of Seville"? What? It's not their singing talents that attracted Romo to Underwood and Simpson? What was it, their knitting talents? Pick: Cowboys.
Kansas City at Detroit (-4 1/2) - Losers of six in a row, the Lions are reeling, but don't blame the players. "This is on me," said coach Rod Marinelli. "I'm the teacher and when a student fails, the blame is on the teacher." Wow. That's not what Mr. Barnes told me in math class my junior year of high school. Pick: Lions.
New York Jets at Tennessee (-8 1/2) - He doesn't get much playing time, but if rookie wide receiver Biren Ealy has a problem with time management, the solution is simple. Give him an "r" and he could be Early. Pick: Jets.
Baltimore at Seattle (no line) - Refusing to go past cliché No. 1c, Ravens coach Brian Billick insists he'll go with the players who "give us the best chance to win the game." That's fine, except I don't think any of the Patriots, Colts, Cowboys, or Packers can play for the Ravens. Pick: Seahawks.
Atlanta at Arizona (-10) - The Falcons held the ball for just 17 minutes 1 second in last week's game, which isn't such a big problem because they don't have that many offensive plays. Pick: Cardinals.
Houston at Indianapolis (-7) - With just six receptions, it's unlikely you've heard much about Colts wide receiver Craphonso Thorpe, but he's No. 15 in your program. One can only imagine the introductions years ago. "I'd like you to meet my son, Crap." Of course, it begs the question: Why? Pick: Colts.
New York Giants (-2 1/2) at Buffalo - So, as you watched Eli Manning pile up 34 incomplete passes in 52 miserable attempts in swirling winds and frigid temperatures last Sunday night, you perhaps were reminded of the fact that he and his father, Archie, came to the same conclusion several years ago - in no way did they want to be part of San Diego. No, sir. Stay away from 68 degrees and sun at all costs. Brilliant, just brilliant. Oh, and have fun in Buffalo. Pick: Bills.
Oakland at Jacksonville (-13) - Would Joseph Addai of the Colts and Willie Parker of the Steelers please turn in their Pro Bowl spots so that the more deserving Fred Taylor of the Jaguars could finally have his? Thank you. Pick: Jaguars.
Cleveland (-2 1/2) at Cincinnati - The Browns last week beat the Bills by the NFL's first 8-0 score since 1929, when the Chicago Cardinals defeated the Minneapolis Red Jackets. Oh, how those bitter memories need not have been stirred. I had the Red Jackets, but only got 7 1/2 in the office pool that week. Pick: Bengals.
Green Bay (-8 1/2) at Chicago - There was "Horton Hears a Who!" then "Horton Hatches the Egg." Now, in honor of the latest in a line of B-rated Bears QBs, we have "Orton Needs Help." Pick: Packers.
Tampa Bay (-5 1/2) at San Francisco - Really, who cares about this game? Instead, let's talk about a sliver of good news for Roger Clemens. He's committed to play in the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic starting Jan. 16 and he should be good to go, because drug testing doesn't start on the PGA Tour until July. Pick: Buccaneers.
Philadelphia at New Orleans (-3) - You just know fantasy football fanatics will start filing class-action lawsuits against Brian Westbrook for purposely staying out of the end zone late in last week's win at Dallas. Pick: Eagles.
Washington at Minnesota (-6 1/2) - Gotta love the Vikings here, but points seem high. Called Vegas. Asked if I could get 6 1/4 or, if possible, 6 1/8. Guy screamed at me, "You want adjustable rates, call a mortgage broker." Hung up on me. Miserable guy. Pick: Vikings.
Denver at San Diego (-8 1/2) - Philip Rivers's touchdown pass to Brandon Manumaleuna covered all of 1 yard last week. It's the shortest TD pass to the most letters in NFL history. Pick: Chargers.
Last week: 8-7.
Season: 100-125-7.
Jim McCabe can be reached at jmccabe@globe.com.
© Copyright 2007 Globe Newspaper Company.
