Cost-cutting measures? That's the ticket

Captain Wilton Parmenter led F Troop, and he'd have no trouble guiding the bumbling Cowboys against the Redskins, a tribe as gracious as the Hekawis. (File/The Boston Globe)

The National Football League this week announced its own economic stimulus package.

Because of "the economic challenges facing fans," the league is cutting the cost of playoff tickets by an average of 10 percent. Wahoo!

Last season the average price of a playoff ticket was $121. Based on that figure, a family of four can go to a wild-card or division-round game on the cheap this season. Just about $435.60. Wahoo! Again.

The news only gets better if your team keeps winning.

A trip to Raymond James Stadium in Tampa for Super Bowl XLIII in February could end up being a real bargain. Of the 65,857 seats available at the facility, the league is pricing 1,000 of them - yes 1,000 of them - at $500. That's a $300 reduction off the original price! Too bad for the other 64,857 slobs who have to pay full price.

It won't be long now before those $8 cups of beer are down to $7.25. How about a throwback jersey? Those are being slashed from $175 to a measly $163.35.

Anybody out there get a 10 percent break on their parking on Route 1 last night?

I haven't seen bargains like these since I decided to have my carpets installed next day by Empire Today. Or was it National Floors Direct? Either way, I saved 60 percent off the other guy's 50 percent off offer. I think.

In any case, with ticket prices this low, I'm calling J.G. Wentworth to get a lump sum payment from my structured settlement.

Hey, it's my money and I need it now.

The picks
Arizona (-3) at Seattle - Kurt Warner for MVP? The last time that happened was 2001, when the average price of a gallon of gas was $1.85. Remember when we thought that was high? Pick: Seattle.

Denver at Atlanta (-6 1/2) - The Broncos have re-signed former tailback Tatum Bell. Before getting the call, Bell was working as a manager at Mobile Solutions. Now he's hoping to provide just that. Pick: Falcons.

Detroit at Carolina (-14) - The Lions cut Drew Henson this week. The former Yankee and Cowboy then headed up to Ann Arbor for his final year of eligibility with the Wolverines. Pick: Panthers.

Dallas (-1 1/2) at Washington - This rivalry lacks the bitterness of years past. The bumbling Cowboys look more like Wilton Parmenter's bumbling boys from "F Troop," while the Redskins come across as passive as the Hekawi tribe. Pick: Cowboys.

Chicago at Green Bay (-3 1/2) - Kyle Orton (and all Bears fans living or otherwise) hopes he gets to return to action. Be careful what you wish for, the Packers have a league-high 16 interceptions. Pick: Packers.

Houston at Indianapolis (-8) - He can say his knee is fine all he wants, but Peyton Manning has yet to look like Peyton Manning this season. Even his commercials have lacked zip. Pick: Texans.

Oakland at Miami (-10 1/2) - After taking over the play-calling duties from offensive coordinator Greg Knapp last week, Raiders coach Tom Cable's latest attempt to jump-start his team is to take over the passing duties from QB JaMarcus Russell. Pick: Dolphins.

New Orleans (-5 1/2) at Kansas City - Big kudos for Herm Edwards's decision to go for 2 against the Chargers last week. That took guts. His team is awful, but Herm's still playing to win the game. Pick: Chiefs.

Baltimore at NY Giants (-6 1/2) - The NFL's version of the Headbangers Ball. The Giants' top-ranked rushing offense vs. the Ravens' top-ranked rushing defense. Pick: Giants.

Philadelphia (-9) at Cincinnati - For just $89.95 a year, Bengals fans can get exclusive access to jungleinsider.com so they can gain keen insights into what makes this team tick. All major credit cards accepted. Pick: Eagles.

San Diego at Pittsburgh (-5) - The schedule says they only play eight games at home, so why does it seem like the Steelers play every game at Heinz Field? Go ahead and laugh, but I just found four bloggers on jungleinsider.com that agreed with me. Pick: Steelers.

St. Louis at San Francisco (-6) - Those last two minutes of the 49ers-Cardinals game Monday night were hilarious. I just couldn't figure out if Mike Singletary was playing the part of Lloyd Christmas and Mike Martz the role of Harry Dunne or was it the other way around? Pick: Rams.

Minnesota at Tampa Bay (-3 1/2) - Asked how his team can stop Vikings back Adrian Peterson, Buccaneers defensive tackle Chris Hovan told the Sarasota Herald-Tribune, "We have to be a machine gun - bap! bap! bap!" Those Boston College professors must be gushing with pride. Pick: Buccaneers.

Tennessee (-3) at Jacksonville - This AFC South showdown features the two coolest coaches in the NFL. Go ahead, come up with a better matchup than Jack Del Rio and Jeff Fisher. Pick: Titans.

Cleveland at Buffalo (-5) - Exactly who was Kellen Winslow yelling at on the sideline after that crucial fumble last Thursday night? I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but he dropped the ball, no? Pick: Browns.

Last week: 7-7.

Season: 67-73-4.