Painful humor

By Bob Ryan, Globe Columnist, 9/23/2003

FOXBOROUGH -- I tell ya, this keeps up and they'll have to start running these Monday postmortems on Comedy Central.

Get this: A couple of minutes into Bill Belichick's Monday morning media briefing, the mentor looked down and smiled.

"Any football or non-injury-related questions?"

There were yuks and guffaws all around.

Guess you had to be there.

But seriously, folks. For a guy with a certain reputation, Belichick has been making an effort of late. OK, his team did win the game, but everyone who saw it, and who has the best interests of the New England Patriots at heart, knows this could have been a classic case of winning the battle while losing the war. The Patriots are losing needed players at an alarming rate, and there isn't much doubt that they have been extremely fortunate in the nature of their last two opponents. For like the zillionth time, we have been reminded that, whereas in business the key to success is location, location, and location, in the National Football League the key to accumulating a good win-loss record is schedule, schedule, schedule. Very often it isn't about you; it's about them.

That being the case, no one would have been surprised if the mentor had come into yesterday's press conference with the glum face plastered on. The Patriots really do have some serious injury issues, especially on defense, where five of the 11 people who would constitute his starting defensive unit are either out of action or very banged up.

Belichick instead chose to accentuate the positive.

"After watching the tape, we were even more appreciative of what a tough, hard-fought game that was," Belichick said. "I am really proud of our team."

He ought to be. OK, the Jets, like the Eagles before them, have issues that render the idea of them actually being a contender a joke. But to save this game, Belichick and his staff had to rely on the contributions of young pups -- lots of them. They would not have won unless the likes of Eugene Wilson, Asante Samuel, Dan Klecko, and Dan Koppen performed like professionals, as opposed to scared youngsters.

This, of course, is a reflection on both the young men in question as well as the elders who scouted them, selected them, and trained them. When Belichick says he is proud of his team, you can expand the comment to include people who did not actually participate in the 23-16 conquest of the Jets.

But the kids get the most props. This was a true baptism of NFL fire.

"The rookies have all stepped up and made positive plays for us," acknowledged Belichick.

These are busy times deep within the inner sanctum of Patriotland. The life of an NFL head coach is far from a 9-to-5 proposition, even in the best of times, but when a man is faced with the personnel problems Belichick has, a 27-hour day sounds good.

"We're scheduling extra meetings with some guys who are being forced to double-up positions, or with young players," Belichick explained. "But we've been doing that since the first week. There's definitely an extra time commitment on the part of the coaches and the players."

He talked about injuries as little as possible, promising that there would be a more detailed discussion tomorrow. Amazingly, the name "Brady" didn't come up until fairly late in the proceedings, and then everyone danced around the delicate topic of the starting quarterback's right arm. That was interesting, given that many people had been shown a photo of Brady with owner Robert Kraft in which there appeared to be a softball attached to Brady's right elbow.

But as far as the mentor was concerned, it was, "Elbow? What elbow?"

"There are a lot of guys sore in there today," Belichick pointed out. "Just going through the training room, I'm sure Brady's in that group."

To be expected, no?

But that little imp that is resident within the mentor did make itself known when Belichick was asked about the status of Adrian Klemm, the perpetually analyzed tackle. Specifically, was Klemm safe, or could it be that the search for a permanent right tackle is ongoing?

"I think if Klemm is 100 percent healthy, and is our best [practice] player this week at tackle, he would be our tackle," Belichick purred. "If that's not the case, then he probably would not be our right tackle. I'd answer that with a solid `I don't know.' "

Come on, compared with the Cleveland Belichick, that's positively Letterman monologue material.

On a more serious note, Belichick did his best to tiptoe through the conversational minefield that is his team's running game. The question was whether he felt the Sunday performance (147 yards on the ground) was legit, or whether this was a case of needing to thank the Big Guy upstairs for sending the Jets to Foxborough.

"I think we're getting a little better production each week from the running game," he declared. "But we can still do better. It's important to maintain as much balance as you can."

(Especially when your starting QB has that softball attached to his throwing elbow.)

He can't say it, so I must. Of course, we can't over-praise the running game. This was against the Jets. The Patriots running game is what it is. Neither Jamal Lewis nor Priest Holmes nor Ricky Williams is going to be walking through that door. Or any door.

No one knows better than Belichick how serious these injury problems are. But for a half-hour yesterday, he was as cordial as a man in his situation can be. When asked just how much peace of mind Adam Vinatieri brings to him, he smiled -- again -- and said, "It's better than a sleeping pill."

Yup. For that half-hour, he was allowing his smile to be his umbrella. But make no mistake: Inside the Patriots' inner sanctum, those injuries are the equivalent of a real gully-washer. Belichick and his staff will earn every penny of those paychecks this week.

Bob Ryan is a Globe columnist. His e-mail address is ryan@globe.com.