You know he'd still be best

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. -- If Tom Brady were a politician he'd be John F. Kennedy -- handsome, charming, and ever the winner. Making it to the top at a young age. The Camelot quarterback.

If he were a rock star he'd be Paul McCartney, the cute Beatle who was never a threat to parents. He'd compile a catalogue of eternally popular songs, all before the age of 28. Candlestick Park would be a special venue in his personal history.

If Tom Brady were a hockey player he'd be Bobby Orr, the boyish bachelor who owned Boston by his mid-20s. He'd be the coolest player on the ice, and half of the young fans in the building would wear his jersey. He'd be the best hockey player.

If he were a television star he'd be Richie Cunningham, ever polite, always trying to do the right thing. He'd be the perfect son, and a great brother. He'd drink milkshakes and eat cheeseburgers with Ralph Malph and Potsie.

If he were a beverage he'd be a tall glass of cold milk. Wholesome. Healthy. Good for the bones and those dazzling white teeth.

If he were a college he'd be Stanford -- cool, smart, West Coast, great reputation.

If he were a painting, he'd be Van Gogh's "Starry Night." All blues and yellows and gold stardust sprinkled across the canvas.

If he were a dog, he'd be a golden retriever. He'd be loyal, shiny, and athletic. He would never bark, but he'd make the children feel protected.

If Tom Brady were a basketball player he'd be Bill Russell. He would not have the arsenal of Wilt Chamberlain but he'd win the big matchup every time. He would not score a lot of points, but he'd control the game. He'd make his teammates better. And he'd never choke down the stretch.

If he were a fruit he'd be an apple. He'd keep the doctor away. He'd be a good present to give your elementary school teacher. He'd be the best apple.

If he were a sportscaster he'd be Bob Costas. He'd be likeable, informed, quick-witted, and pleasant to watch. He'd never panic. He'd be able to hold down the anchor post no matter how much chaos was going on around him.

If he were a car he'd be an American-made four-door sedan with eight cylinders and whitewall tires. He'd be clean, but not too flashy. He'd have the horsepower to go fast, but most of the time he'd observe the speed limit.

If Tom Brady were a baseball player he'd be Derek Jeter. He'd emerge as a team leader at a young age and win many championship rings before turning 28. He'd have connections to the state of Michigan and he'd be good to his parents and his teammates would love him instead of being jealous. They'd love him because they know he's tough and he's a winner.

If he were a holiday he'd be the Fourth of July. He'd be a warm summer night on the Esplanade with the Pops playing Sousa's "Stars & Stripes Forever" while church bells peal in the Back Bay.

If he were ice cream he'd be vanilla. With a cherry on top.

If he were a sportswriter he'd be the late Ray Fitzgerald. He'd be funny and smart, delighting us with wonderful prose. He would never be mean. He would be the best sportswriter.

If Tom Brady were a tennis player he'd be Arthur Ashe. He'd be brave and cool under pressure and he'd win championships even without the strongest game.

If he were a city he'd be San Diego, with perfect weather, beautiful beaches, and deep blue ocean waters.

If he were a state he'd be Montana. You know why.

If he were a movie star he'd be Matt Damon -- modest, mindful of his roots, careful not to take on roles that don't fit, able to stay grounded in a starstruck environment, and smiling sheepishly when the compliments get too thick.

If Tom Brady were an NFL quarterback he'd be 8-0 in the playoffs with two Super Bowl MVP trophies in his house. He'd be leading his team into its third Super Bowl in four years. He'd be in Jacksonville preparing for the next biggest game of his life, against the Philadelphia Eagles. If Tom Brady were quarterback of the New England Patriots there would be no doubt back in New England that the Patriots were going to win tonight.

Dan Shaughnessy is a Globe columnist. His e-mail address is dshaughnessy@globe.com.