Sorry doesn't seem to be the hardest word
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell needs to name a top honcho just to handle the apology department. They are being delivered at a fever pitch these days, by players, coaches, owners, and broadcasters, and while apologies are usually noble, there probably needs to be some semblance of order.
Now, Eric Mangini reminds me of Captain Renault in "Casablanca," telling the NFL: "I'm shocked, shocked to find that videotaping is going on in here." Still, give him credit, spygate prompted Bill Belichick to issue an apology, and Mangini received one himself Monday when Brian Billick had to backtrack from his outrage the day before. Billick's Ravens had beaten Mangini's Jets, but there had been some "illegal" work by New York in simulating snap counts.
Or so suggested Billick, whose Sunday rant led reporters to write that the coach was ripping Mangini.
This seemed to put spygate on the back burner and it got juicier the next day when Billick apologized to Mangini while at the same time still insisting that "illegal" work was done by the Jets, only the Ravens coach was now saying he meant to rip the referees for not calling it. It was all very confusing, but don't be surprised if it gets even more so, because it stands to reason Billick will now apologize to the referees.
That's the way things go in the cutthroat world of the NFL these days. You say and do goofy things, then come back the next day and apologize, citing your emotional nature. Everyone seems to accept the apology, as if it's as much a part of football as the coin toss.
Michael Vick, of course, got the 2007 apology season off and running when he said he was sorry to his Falcons teammates, to the team owner, to the fans, to his family and friends, and to Lassie, Snoopy, Rin Tin Tin, Scooby Doo, Air Bud, Old Yeller, Underdog, Goofy, and all 101 Dalmatians.
Rodney Harrison came along next and apologized.
Now comes Steven Jackson, the Rams running back. His team was en route to a second straight loss when he decided to put on a sideline show reminiscent of the legendary Reggie Jackson-Billy Martin act. Jackson dressed down his team and players had to come between him and coach Scott Linehan.
Jackson waited until Tuesday to apologize, which is something that could be handled differently if the league would name a vice president in charge of apologies. Let's call him the Sorry Czar, and it would be his job to designate specific times for apologies to be issued. For instance, at noon Monday coaches throughout the league would take the podium and issue whatever apologies are needed for the previous day's transgressions.
Player apologies would be at 10 a.m. Tuesday. Team owners would get a chance to offer their apologies at 4 p.m. Tuesday, which would leave Wednesday morning all to Terrell Owens. After all, we all know he would need at least 90 minutes a week to offer apologies for all the sophomoric nonsense he inflicts upon us. More than likely, Owens would use these 90 minutes to explain why he doesn't need to apologize, which will make things very sticky for the new boss.
My apologies for that.
The picks
Buffalo at New England (-16 1/2) - At 2-0 and with fellow AFC East Division tenants the Jets, Dolphins, and Bills 0-2, who would have believed that the Patriots would clinch their playoff berth sooner than the Red Sox? But they just might. Pick: Bills.
Minnesota at Kansas City (-3) - Tarvaris Jackson was intercepted four times against the Lions and ended the game with a 26.4 rating. All the research I've uncovered indicates it's the most interceptions ever thrown, and the lowest rating compiled, by a quarterback named Tarvaris. Pick: Chiefs.
Carolina (-3 1/2) at Atlanta - You've heard, haven't you, that 47-year-old Morten Andersen has signed with the Falcons. He's the only guy in the NFL who, when you ask him what Norm Van Brocklin was like, says: "As a quarterback or a coach?" Pick: Panthers.
Detroit at Philadelphia (-6) - Lions quarterback Jon Kitna had to leave the game in the second quarter last Sunday when he was knocked silly. He got cleared to play in the third quarter, but didn't see any action until the fourth. Why the delay? Seems he had to run to an ATM for the $20 co-pay. Pick: Eagles.
Jacksonville at Denver (-3) - Seven field goals in two games? The Broncos could really go at it with Arsenal or Real Madrid. Pick: Broncos.
Dallas at Chicago (-3) - The Cowboys have signed Tank Johnson. He's currently serving a suspension, which will give him plenty of time to register all those guns with the Dallas police. Pick: Cowboys.
Miami at NY Jets (-3) - Sorry, but until the Dolphins show any semblance of being an NFL team, we'll have to refer to their coach by his birth name, Malcolm Cameron. Pick: Jets.
Cleveland at Oakland (-3) - The Raiders have now lost 11 straight, dating to last season. "Just forfeit, baby" is what Al Davis is mumbling. Pick: Raiders.
NY Giants at Washington (-3 1/2) - Jeremy Shockey was seething after being called for a delay-of-game penalty for spiking the ball after a reception last week. "I've always played like that," he said. "If I don't play like that, I need to find another occupation." Please do. How about lifeguard in New Schwabenland, Antarctica? Pick: Redskins.
San Diego (-5) at Green Bay - Just wondering, but has anyone introduced the Chargers' new head coach, Norv Turner - he of the 59-83-1 career record - to the guy wearing No. 21, LaDainian Tomlinson? Pick: Packers.
San Francisco at Pittsburgh (-9) - It has nothing to do with this game, but the state Legislature is pondering a law against holding a cellphone while driving. I'm OK with that, but if they extend the law to include holding cups of Dunkin' Donuts, well, they'll have a fight on their hands. Pick: 49ers.
Indianapolis (-6) at Houston - You know the average child spends 2.37 hours a week watching Peyton Manning commercials? Pick: Colts.
Cincinnati at Seattle (-3 1/2) - You can laugh, but need I remind you I won handsomely when I took the 6 1/2 with Don Quixote against the dominating La Mancha Windmills. Pick: Bengals.
Arizona at Baltimore (-8) - How about this one? Samari Rolle plays for the Ravens, Antrel Rolle for the Cardinals. They're not related, nor are they on the menu at
St. Louis at Tampa Bay (-3 1/2) - Bucs coach Jon Gruden still looks as if he could get a lead role on the new TV series, "Kid Nation." Pick: Rams.
Tennessee at New Orleans (-4) - At 0-2 and outscored, 72-24, the Saints are befuddled. "We really need to take a deep look at ourselves, identify the problems, and figure out how to fix it," said quarterback Drew Brees. He signed up the team for an appearance on Dr. Phil. Pick: Saints.
Last week: 6-10.
Season: 13-16-2. 