On their best behavior - at least for now

Frivolous as it would seem, at least on the surface, Carl Mayer's legal attack on the New England Patriots and coach Bill Belichick is being taken seriously by NFL officials.

"They have sent out a memo to all teams to be careful about deceptive tactics," said a source whose best friend's cousin lives next door to a guy who has a wicked good fantasy team and thus follows the league closely.

Mayer is the guy who is suing the Patriots and Belichick for $184 million.

"You can't deceive customers; they violated the integrity of the game," Mayer's attorney, Bruce Afran, said last week. "They were deceiving customers."

Of course, he was referring to the videotaping incident from Week 1 and the subsequent fines levied at Belichick ($500,000) and the Patriots ($250,000). Mayer and Afran think Jets fans are entitled to financial compensation and while it could be considered just a nuisance, league officials are proceeding cautiously. They began by asking coaches to refrain from faking punts and field goals. (Why they have never sued the Jets for passing themselves off as an NFL team all these years is a question for another day.)

"Talk about deceptive tactics," said a league official. "We need to curb that for now, at least until our lawyers get a look at things."

Play-action passes? Coaches have been asked to formulate game plans without them. Ditto end reverses, flea-flickers, calling timeouts right before last-second field goal tries, and linebackers moving over to offense in goal-line situations.

"There goes our key secret weapon, the sure-handed Mike Vrabel," moaned a Patriots coach.

For sure, it also means the end, at least temporarily, to the Statue of Liberty, the dropkick, the fumblerooski, and the hook and lateral. And players faking the blitz? None of that, either.

For now, until league attorneys can study the lawsuit, it will be a less-deceptive NFL.

The picks
Cleveland at New England (-16 1/2) - Rest assured, you'll have pregame and postgame handshakes between these head coaches. Pick: Patriots.

Jacksonville (-2) at Kansas City - At wideout for the Chiefs, No. 82, Dwayne Bowe, and tell me you don't want to sing out: "Somewhere, over the Dwayne Bowe, way up high, there's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby . . ." Pick: Chiefs.

Carolina at New Orleans (-3) - Following a humbling loss at home to the Bucs, the Panthers are hurt physically, and what's more, "Collectively, we have no heart," said defensive tackle Kris Jenkins. Fortunately, Dwayne Bowe has reminded me of the great and powerful Oz, so may I remind Jenkins in his time of reflection that Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man, that he didn't, didn't already have. Pick: Saints.

Detroit at Washington (-3 1/2) - The Lions have never won in Washington. That gives them something in common with Constitution, Green, Libertarian, Prohibition, and Socialist party members. Pick: Lions.

Miami at Houston (-5) - Am I the only one impressed with Nick Saban's loyalty and devotion to his new job? I mean, what is he, five weeks into his first season and he hasn't pursued another post yet? Pick: Texans.

Atlanta at Tennessee (-8 1/2) - Titans coach Jeff Fisher is 12-1 against teams from the NFC South. Big deal. Let's not forget that if the Washington Generals were a football team, they'd be in the NFC South. Pick: Titans.

Seattle at Pittsburgh (-6) - The Steelers have some injuries, so Ricardo Colclough may start in the defensive backfield, and just the mention of his name ignites a flood of memories of the late, great Jim Colclough (no relation). And for that, we are thankful. Pick: Seahawks.

New York Jets at New York Giants (-3 1/2) - Good luck to the Jets, because the Giants' Osi Umenyiora has it all: speed, strength, agility, British heritage, and, most importantly, the entire complement of vowels in his last name alone. Pick: Giants.

San Diego at Denver (-1) - Do you think Norv Turner should read anything into the team buses leaving without him this week? Pick: Broncos.

Arizona (-3 1/2) at St. Louis - The Cardinals seem sold on the two-quarterback offense, which doesn't exactly thrill Matt Leinart. "I know what I'm capable of doing. I know I can go out there and play," he said. I know you do, Matt. And you know that I know that you know. But you've got to be a big boy about it. Share the job with Kurt Warner. Get along with coach Ken Whisenhunt, because it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. (Certainly, we went off on a tangent there, but I always did love that part of the movie "Casablanca.") Pick: Rams.

Baltimore (-3 1/2) at San Francisco - The 49ers will turn to backup quarterback Trent Dilfer with Alex Smith sidelined for as long as a month. We'll have to do some double-checking, but we're sure Dilfer is actually the backup quarterback on five rosters this year. Pick: Ravens.

Tampa Bay at Indianapolis (-9 1/2) - The Colts have some sore spots. Linebacker Rob Morris is out for a while after tearing a tendon in his left knee, and running back Joseph Addai is suffering from a deep bruise in his left "d." Pick: Colts.

Chicago at Green Bay (-3) - Quickly approaching the desperation point, the Bears have one last option at quarterback. They can line up with Devin Hester 20 yards behind the line of scrimmage, hike him the ball, and let him run. Pick: Packers.

Dallas (-10) at Buffalo - Feel free to root for unheralded Bills quarterback Trent Edwards. Poor guy never played in a college bowl game while he was with Stanford. None. Zip. Nada. No Weedwacker. No Meineke. No Motor City or Papajohns.com, either. Not even the MPC Computers Bowl, and who could have fielded a better bunch of guys for that one than Stanford? There are 63,472 college players a year who play in bowl games, yet Edwards slipped through the cracks. Poor guy. Pick: Bills.

Last week: 8-6.

Season: 27-29-5.