Suddenly, the asterisk is the star of the show
These are crazy days for a quiet man with a small company.
"All of a sudden, everyone wants to buy one," said Aster Risk, the third-generation president and CEO of Asterisk Inc., which until recently was a company that sold its goods to publishers of dictionaries and encyclopedias. While far less emphatic than the exclamation point, less abundant than the comma, and less exotic than the ampersand, the asterisk has been part of the grammatical world since Noah Webster left Connecticut for the Berkshires.
Surprisingly, said Risk, the sports world is from where his orders are flowing.
"At one time, only the Roger Maris record for home runs in a season generated interest in the asterisk," said Risk. "But now, the folks in sports want to put an asterisk on everything."
The Barry Bonds career mark for home runs was the rage, of course, but now Don Shula has stirred things up by suggesting on Tuesday that if the Patriots complete an undefeated season, it should come with an asterisk. Though Shula two days later backed off slightly - thus adding an asterisk to his call for an asterisk - he had already sent the ball in play, so the debate rages.
"I don't pass judgment," said Risk. "I only sell the asterisks."
A package of 1,000 asterisks sells for $69.99 in three easy installments and Risk confirms that he's already taken 138 orders through an infomercial in which one can add a Veg-O-Matic for $9.99. You want the Pocket Fisherman? Add it for $19.99.
"My guess is NFL historians and book publishers are getting ready, just in case Shula's original plea is taken seriously. But the bigger picture is this," said Risk. "It has produced a ton of backlash. People either think Shula's a crybaby or an old football coach who forgets the stuff that went on in his era. Maybe they think his steaks are way overpriced, or perhaps they tried NutriSystem and are still fat. Whatever the explanation, football fans are demanding that asterisks be put everywhere."
For instance, there is a groundswell of support to attach one of the little stars next to Shula's coaching record of 347 wins. The asterisk, said Risk, would note that "he and the Dolphins were found guilty of breaking NFL rules back in 1970 - exactly what he condemns the Patriots for. Like the Patriots, Shula and the Dolphins were penalized by the forfeiture of a No. 1 draft pick."
The season record for sacks? "Oh, how people want an asterisk next to Michael Strahan's name," said Risk. "Brett Favre folded like an accordion that day, so flagrantly he should have been wearing a New York Giants uniform."
Another group would like an asterisk next to Adrian Peterson's 296-yard effort last Sunday, which established an NFL record. "They want it noted that San Diego's hapless defenders were constantly choreographing Shawne Merriman's 'Lights Out' dance instead of tackling," said Risk.
"Actually, there's one simmering debate going on among Dolphin fans," said Risk. "Their team could become the first in NFL history to go 0-16, but being proactive they have demanded an asterisk just in case."
Why?
"To note that only 15 of those losses came on US soil."
The picks
Dallas (-1 1/2) at New York Giants - The Giants are a far better team than the one the Cowboys dismantled in Week 1, and a big reason is defensive tackle Justin Tuck. He's no relation to Justin Time or Justin Case. Pick: Giants.Buffalo (-3) at Miami - There's talk of getting a bandwagon going up in Buffalo. Of course, Buffalo being Buffalo and it being November, the folks actually hop onto a train of snowmobiles. Pick: Dolphins.
Cleveland at Pittsburgh (-9 1/2) - Yesterday's word of the day on dictionary.com was ameliorate. It means "to make better, to improve." How fitting in the context of this game between teams that have improved and made life better for their fans. Pick: Browns.
Philadelphia at Washington (-3) - If you're looking for a word of the day that fits this game, may I offer odious. Pick: Redskins.
Detroit at Arizona (-1) - Wild stuff going on here. The Lions are 6-2, the Cardinals 3-5, and the last time these franchises combined for nine wins midway through a season, President Roosevelt's ire over the violence in the game led to the adoption of the forward pass. Pick: Cardinals.
Denver at Kansas City (-3) - The Broncos have placed Rod Smith, Jarvis Moss, Tom Nalen, Ben Hamilton, Warrick Holdman, Stephen Alexander, Nate Jackson, and Ebenezer Ekuban on injured reserve. That's the bad news. The good news is all the office visit co-pays have been squared away. Pick: Chiefs.
St. Louis at New Orleans (-11 1/2) - Go ahead and laugh, but after an 0-4 start, the Saints have won four in a row, and when February comes, they will be in the Super Bowl. Then again, I dip carrots in peanut butter and get goose bumps when I hear Robert John sing, "A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh . . ." Pick: Saints.
Chicago (-3 1/2) at Oakland - Sebastian Janikowski hit the upright with his 64-yard attempt and wants another try at a long one, even if it's 80 yards. "I'll want to attempt it. As long as I'm not short," he said. Short people immediately took umbrage. In fact, Sleepy, Doc, Bashful, and four of their colleagues have filed a lawsuit against the kicker for defamatory comments. Pick: Raiders.
Minnesota at Green Bay (-6) - We presume that the Packers' defensive game plan, unlike that of the Chargers last week, will include the key phrase, "Tackle Peterson, he'll have the ball." Pick: Vikings.
Jacksonville at Tennessee (-4) - Pacman Jones wanted his suspension lifted. Instead, commissioner Roger Goodell kept it at one year. Jones probably could sense the bad news when he had his meeting with Goodell and the commissioner said, "Pacman, to make you feel at home, why don't I read you the Miranda warning." Pick: Titans.
Atlanta at Carolina (-4) - The Falcons haven't won on the road and the Panthers haven't won at home. Sounds like a battle between the resistible farce and the movable subjects. Pick: Panthers.
Cincinnati at Baltimore (-4) - When the Ravens want to throw it deep, they go to Steve McNair. He averages 5.5 yards per completion. When they want to keep it short, they go to Kyle Boller, who averages 5.4. Pick: Ravens.
Indianapolis (-3 1/2) at San Diego - So, that extra-loud noise at the RCA Dome last Sunday came from a truck. Actually, several trucks, a Colts spokesman finally said. Well, OK, so there were 47 of them, but he added that they were just ice cream trucks, selling treats to the little tykes outside the building. It was a coincidence, that's all. Totally innocent. Right. And Don Corleone was in the olive oil business. Pick: Colts.
San Francisco at Seattle (-10) - Nice programming choice by the ESPN folks. What, they couldn't negotiate a deal to show "Topo Gigo's Greatest Visits to the Ed Sullivan Show?" Pick: Seahawks.
Last week: 8-6.
Season: 61-62-6.
Jim McCabe can be reached at jmccabe@globe.com. 