Pro picks

Watch out: Moose and Goose are on the loose

DAVID CARUSO Or maybe ... the Seahawks will win

By Jim McBride

Globe Staff / December 26, 2008

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To those 68,756 souls who braved the elements and witnessed the Patriots' thorough thrashing of the Cardinals Sunday at Gillette Stadium, I salute you.

But you got off easy.

Sure, you had to brave snow, sleet, rain, wind, and freezing temperatures. Yes, you had to sit in traffic, pay an outrageous price to park, and trudge through ice to get to your seats.

That was nothing.

Those of us who didn't have tickets had to watch on TV and be subjected to the sideshow that is "Moose and Goose."

Oy vey.

After listening to Deion Sanders blather incessantly during the Ravens-Cowboys game Saturday night, I was ready for some real analysis. (Sorry, Prime Time, but gems such as, "Man, we got some football being played here tonight," are not particularly insightful to the viewer). However, instead of that real analysis, viewers got the "Moose and Goose Show."

Daryl "Moose" Johnston and Tony "Goose" Siragusa were dominant players in their prime. Johnston was a bruising Cowboys fullback from 1989-99 who helped clear paths for Emmitt Smith and collected three Super Bowl rings. The massive Siragusa was a space-eating, run-stuffing nose tackle and won a Super Bowl with the Ravens.

Their credentials are unquestioned. Their execution? That's another story.

Johnston is up in the booth providing color commentary alongside Kenny Albert, while Siragusa parks himself on the sideline to provide field updates.

A typical exchange between the two (and we're paraphrasing here):

Moose: "How's everything going down there, Goose?"

Goose: "It's cold, Moose."

Moose: "Looks it, Goose."

Goose: "Wish I was up in that warm booth with you, Moose."

Moose: "Yeah. Glad I'm not down there in the snow, Goose."

I think there are performance bonuses written into their contracts for mentioning each other's nicknames.

Meanwhile, Albert bobs and weaves through the conversation and actually tries to describe what's going on in the game. That usually doesn't last long, however.

Moose: "Hey Goose, is it still snowing?"

Goose: "No, Moose, it's raining now."

Moose: "Have the players told you anything about the traction, Goose?"

Goose: "Yeah, Moose, they said it's not good. S'cold out here, Moose."

Moose: "Looks it, Goose."

Alberts checks in with, "Matt Cassel hits Wes Welker and Welker weaves into the end zone. Now he's making a snow angel."

Moose: "Oh, that looks cold, Goose."

Goose: "Oh, it is, Moose. Trust me."

The picks

New England (-6 1/2) at Buffalo - It will be cold in Orchard Park, no doubt about that. Don't worry, the game's on CBS, so there'll be no Moose or Goose sightings. There will, however, be plenty of LaMont Jordan, Sammy Morris, and Russ Hochstein. Pick: Patriots.

Miami at NY Jets (-3) - Impressive win by the South Floridians in the bitter cold of Kansas City, Mo., last week. Can they win in the cold again? I don't know, but I can't get past the question, "When was the last time Chad Pennington won a big game in the Meadowlands?" Pick: Jets.

Jacksonville at Baltimore (-12 1/2) - The Jag-wires have been decimated by injuries, but something tells me Jack Del Rio is going to convince his club that this game is their Super Bowl and a lot of these guys are playing for jobs. Pick: Jaguars.

St. Louis at Atlanta (-14 1/2) - Marshall Faulk wants the Rams coaching job? Maybe he can make boothmate Deion Sanders his defensive coordinator. I can hear Neon's pregame speech: "Men, we got to stop the other team from scoring today so we can get paid. Let's go." Pick: Falcons.

Kansas City at Cincinnati (-3) - I'd rather stand in line at Wal-Mart for three hours to return the Chia Pet I found under my tree yesterday than watch this game. On second thought, the Chia's kind of growing on me. Pick: Bengals.

Detroit at Green Bay (-9 1/2) - You've got to love the resiliency of Lions fans. Especially the ones who brought "Hire Millen" signs to last week's game. Here's hoping the Lions lose today. At least then they will be a part of history. Pick: Packers.

Tennessee (-3) at Indianapolis - How is it that a team quarterbacked by Peyton Manning that has won eight straight games is flying under the radar? Something tells me they like it that way. Pick: Colts.

NY Giants at Minnesota (-6 1/2) - It's a shame this game is indoors. There's nothing more enjoyable than watching Tom Coughlin go from white to pink to red to blue on the sideline. Seriously, I thought the man's ears were going to fall off Sunday night. Pick: Vikings.

Carolina (-3) at New Orleans - Drew Brees needs 402 yards to break Dan Marino's season passing mark of 5,084 yards. Look for the Panthers to employ the rarely used 3-8 defense in an attempt to avoid becoming a footnote in history. Pick: Saints.

Cleveland at Pittsburgh (-10 1/2) - Nondescript defensive end Shaun Smith punched Brady Quinn in the face recently. Ah, Shaun, if you're going to punch a quarterback in the face, you might want to consider a third-stringer next time. Whom do you think the Browns will back in this battle? A quarterback they've invested millions in or a slow defender with 31 tackles this season? Pick: Steelers.

Oakland at Tampa Bay (-13) - The Swashbucklers Bowl? Al Davis would love nothing more than to beat one of his former coaches (and really, what team has more former coaches than the Raiders?) and keep him from reaching the playoffs. Pick: Buccaneers.

Chicago at Houston (-2 1/2) - Da Bears still have a shot at being invited to the dance. Da Texans are coming off a humiliating loss to the Raiders. I think Houston has more to prove. Pick: Texans.

Dallas at Philadelphia (-1 1/2) - Jerry Jones is telling anyone with a microphone that Wade Phillips will be back on the Cowboy sideline next season. Anyone else get the feeling his main duties will be passing out cups of Gatorade to the players? Pick: Eagles.

Washington at San Francisco (-3) - Redskins defensive coordinator Greg Blanche pumped up his squad for last week's win over the Eagles with a highlight video that had "Pick Up the Pieces" by the Average White Band as the soundtrack. This week he's going with "Theme from Shaft" by Isaac Hayes. Pick: 49ers.

Seattle at Arizona (-6) - I was really excited to watch this game, but there's a "CSI Miami" mini-marathon on A&E beginning at 6 p.m. and the only thing more guaranteed than David Caruso delivering a corny one-liner as he puts on his sunglasses is me sitting in my recliner with the clicker. Pick: Seahawks.

Denver at San Diego (-8) - The winner goes to the playoffs. The loser gets a new head coach. Pick: Broncos.

Last week: 7-9.

Season: 112-122-6.