By Norman Chad, Globe Correspondent, 2/1/2002

eah, we're looking at the Rams beating the Patriots, 401/2-151/2, in Super Bowl XXXVI - I'll explain this score a bit later - but other than that, how can one not celebrate the improbable AFC champions? I'm not a Robert Kraft guy, I'm not jumping on any Bill Belichick bandwagon, I don't get misty-eyed over Foxboro Stadium.

But, like, wow.

You've got Tom Brady, who's a cross between Kurt Warner and Forrest Gump. You've got Drew Bledsoe, who's a cross between Earl Morrall and Lazarus. And you've got Belichick, who's a cross between Bill Parcells and a footstool.

Boy oh boy, how did the Patriots go 5-11 in 2000, begin 0-2 in 2001 and make it to Super Sunday under Belichick? Could I have been more wrong about this guy? I never thought Belichick could take a team to a Super Bowl; heck, I never even thought Belichick could take the trash to a receptacle.

And, to think, when I got the laser eye surgery last summer, the doctors told me I'd see better.

Anyway, as is our custom this time of year, we must forge on and address the most compelling inquiries about the Super Bowl:

Q. Where does the Super Bowl stand in terms of cultural importance in America?

A. Just ahead of the Bill of Rights and right turn on red, just behind 7-Eleven and air conditioning.

Q. Who's singing the ''The Star-Spangled Banner'' this year?

A. Mariah Carey, somewhat clothed. (Note: For the 12th straight year, the NFL declined my request that the national anthem be performed by Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute.)

Q. Are you going to rant about instant replay again this week?

A. No. Replay simply has become an inevitable reality of American life, like SUVs and cellphones and bankruptcy lawyers.

Q. Do you think there should be any changes to the replay system?

A. I love the current system. However, there should be an appeals process - like a Court of Appeals - that would allow the other coach to appeal up to two replay decisions per game. In addition, in the postseason, on really, really, really big plays, if your first appeal is denied, you should be allowed to appeal one more time to a higher authority - like a football Supreme Court, or Paul Tagliabue or Ron Jaworski or Bill Walsh, or somebody like that.

Q. Will security at the Superdome in New Orleans be unusually tight?

A. Yes. Among the items banned from the premises are umbrellas, coolers, backpacks, strollers, large cameras, binocular cases, and Jerry Glanville.

Q. Do you have any inside dope on the Patriots' game plan?

A. They've named Walt Coleman as honorary team captain.

Q. Is it true that Belichick spends dozens of hours a week breaking down film?

A. Just last Tuesday, he spent all morning trying to figure out what went wrong with ''Waterworld.''

Q. With Brian Billick coaching the Ravens and Steve Spurrier now coaching the Redskins, is Maryland large enough to accommodate both super egos?

A. Maryland actually has two sprawling metropolitan areas, farmland, and mountain ranges, plus the Atlantic Ocean and the Chesapeake Bay. Still, my advice to all Maryland residents in terms of the Billick-Spurrier infestation: Stay indoors and only watch The Weather Channel.

Q. Anything bother you about the Rams?

A. I don't mind St. Louis rolling up all these points, but I draw the line at Kurt Warner whistling ''Sweet Georgia Brown'' as he's lining up under center.

Q. Can you give us a real NFL historical fact?

A. When Cleveland was awarded one of the eight franchises in the newly formed All-America Football Conference in 1946, there was a contest to name the team. The most popular entry was ''Browns,'' in honor of Paul Brown, who had been hired as head coach. Thus, the Cleveland Browns were born. It's a good thing the team's first coach wasn't Marty Schottenheimer.

Q. Any early tips for the 2002 season?

A. I kind of like Jon Kitna for an interception in Week 3 or 4.

Q. Is The Man really retiring?

A. Next season, we're getting expansion and realignment. It's just gotten too difficult for me to absorb and analyze it all. Anyway, to paraphrase General MacArthur from his farewell speech to Congress: Old prognosticators never die, they just owe people money. I am proof of this.

Q. So what's The Man going to do now?

A. It's time for me to move on to greener pastures - that's right, the suburbs. I'll just concentrate on my first love, a career as a one-handed concert pianist. But remember: Ali, Jordan, Parcells, LaToya Jackson - all of them came back. So I would not rule out my return.

Q. Who exactly does The Man like in Super Bowl XXXVI?

A. Well, New England - a 14-point underdog - has been in two previous Super Bowls, losing by scores of 46-10 and 35-21. By taking the average result of those two games, that's how I've arrived at Rams 401/2, Patriots 151/2. I'm not sure how the half-points will be scored, but I'm sure the NFL rule book covers it. Anyway, take the Rams and meet me in Latrobe.

Last week: 0-2.

Season record: 113-130-13.

Norman Chad's e-mail address is nchadnfl@aol.com. Note: Chad's season total does not include Thursday games, which he doesn't predict for the Globe.