And you thought now that the Yankees have clinched that all the drama and intrigue was over with.
You simply do not have a pulse if you're not sitting at work today, unable to concentrate on anything, obsessed with the mystery that this afternoon holds. According to a Red Sox press release, a briefing will take place at Fenway Park at 3:15 to announce the signing of Coco Crisp as the spokesperson of a "prominent New England company."
"The agreement partners one of Boston's rising young stars with one of New England's most respected and well-known brands," it reads.
Can you stand the anticipation? It's like Gabbo all over again.
OK, calm down. We did the sleuthing for you. First off, Kellogg's is a Michigan company, so the obvious is out. But also present at today's "big announcement" will be the VIA Group public relations firm, which handles contracts for a large group of clients, many of which are New England-based.
Raytheon: The new Coco scud missile -- hitting its target…once in a while.
Maine College of Art: Did you see that catch Coco made? Capture it in an oil rendering.
Harvard Pilgrim Health Care: If he had us, he might not have missed a month.
American Ski Company: We won't go bankrupt again with values like Crisp.
The likely options, however, come down to either Hood introducing Crisp in yet another Red Sox-related ice cream brand -- the "Champions" line is now rather out of date, no? -- or Monster simply being proactive and hiring Crisp as the perfect high-profile model as to how to go about finding a new job. Which he might just be doing in a month or so.
I'd bet on Hood with a new "Coco Crisp Fudge" product that will probably have a longer shelf life in New England than its inspiration.
So, there. Go on with your day now as normally planned.