After 4½ hours of embarrassing questioning on Capitol Hill yesterday, here is what we learned.
Either Roger Clemens or Brian McNamee is lying.
We already knew that.
Our elected representatives proved to be a bunch of unprepared grandstanders, able to be influenced by fame and unable to push aside party politics in an effort to dig down to the truth.
We already knew that, too.
The Clemenses once had a hot nanny. Either that, or McNamee likes older women.
Really, other than discovering that Clemens has no idea what a vegan is, this is just about the only newsworthy item that emerged from yesterday's steroid hearing. How else are we to explain McNamee's vivid recollection of her being at Jose Canseco's cookout ("A barbeque in particular," reminds Clemens suckup Tom Davis) describing her in a peach bikini -- with a touch of green -- by the pool that afternoon. You could almost see the drool coming out of the man's mouth. Newsday reports the nanny is a grandmother, which makes you wonder if McNamee tried to peddle her the Fountain of Youth.
Still, Grantland Rice might not have an easy a time painting such a picture as that one. McNamee told the assembled boobs of Congress that Clemens was indeed at that party ("Barbeque in particular") and that Clemens is in fact the one misremembering aspects of the afternoon. Then came news of Clemens possibly tampering with the nanny witness, and all of a sudden we've got Rusty Hardin sneering at the committee like some sixth grader who was just told he had to stay after school to clean erasers.
Maybe after yesterday you still have reasonable doubt as to how guilty Clemens is. If you're nodding your head, then you are either a Republican member of Congress, a cousin of Debbie, or just plain naïve. It now all plays out like some Parker Brothers board game, Roger, Debbie, and the Nanny, in Jose's kitchen with the syringe. What do we win?
But that is neither here, nor there. The public is going to make their own opinions as to whom to believe in this sordid mess, even if the obvious finger-pointing should have already been done. On a more unanimous front, what came out of yesterday has to be the general and utter disgust that resulted after watching members of the Committee on Oversight and Government Reform utterly embarrass themselves.
Last November, the committee held a hearing asking if TSA security checkpoints have improved. Think about that for a second. These same imbeciles that asked Clemens about which uniform (not hat, uniform) he'll wear into the Hall of Fame and about his workout "regime" (Rep. Virginia Foxx, who chastised us about wasting tax dollars for this hearing, and then proceeded to waste even more, not to mention our time, with her inane Clemens body comparison) and told him that he would go to heaven one day (Rep. Eleanor Holmes Norton. She really said this) are the same people passing judgment on our airport security. I don't know about you, but that frightens me.
Dan Burton, who described Clemens as a "Titan of the game," with apparently not a shred of recourse that it would make him look like a fool, is on the same committee assessing the state of Iraqi corruption. That's more concerning than anything that might have bled onto Clemens's dress pants. According to USA Today, Foxx later said, "I thought Mr. Clemens made a very credible presentation here today. I have no reason to doubt him." That's something you'd expect a cartoon character to say, it's so ludicrous in the face of what's so obvious. Look for a photo of Roger and Virginia to don a certain office wall: "Dear Virginia, sweet gams. Love, The Rocket."
Davis' buddy-buddy "grilling" of Clemens was perhaps most embarrassing of all, particularly when Clemens seemed to admit he was indeed at the party ("Barbeque.") Writes Tom Verducci: "Tom Davis (R-Va.) has made it clear that he is in Clemens' corner. After the recess he opened by bringing up the nanny issue as it regarded the Canseco luncheon. Davis was treading lightly around the subject, but suddenly Clemens let it drop that maybe he did stop by Canseco's house. After all the denials, Clemens basically said, ‘Well, yeah, it's possible I could have stopped by Canseco's house, maybe dropped off the family, swung by after golf and before going to the ballpark....' Hmmm. How did Davis follow up on that admission? Well, he didn't."
Wonderful. Hey, guess who Clemens walked out of the room with after the proceedings were all over? None other than Rep. Tom Davis. Presumably, they went and hit the 18th Amendment together afterward for some celebratory cocktails and a toast to their pal, ol' crazy Burtie.
It was disgusting on the whole, and humiliating for the likes of Henry Waxman and Elijah Cummings, who genuinely seemed embarrassed of those that surrounded them.
Oh, good news, this committee is getting back together today to discuss "Innovative approaches to defeating Al Qaeda." So, that should be fun and productive.
More Clemens fallout from around the web:
- How this ordeal might have played out on "The Simpsons."
- The Houston Chronicle reports, expect perjury charges to be brought up.
- Joe Torre, sad for the game.
Where was Pettitte?
- The story of Debbie's shot in the master bedroom.
- A body language expert tells the New York Daily News that Clemens had something to hide.
- How Dan Burton has voted on key issues over the years
- Why does Virginia Foxx love Roger Clemens?