Ghanaian Witch Doctor Says He Caused Cristiano Ronaldo’s Knee Injury, Because Soccer

Portugal's Cristiano Ronaldo jogs laps during training June 3, 2014 in Florham Park, New Jersey. The team will be training at the New York Jets training facility during a stop on their way to the World Cup in Brazil. AFP PHOTO/DON EMMERTDON EMMERT/AFP/Getty Images
Portugal's Cristiano Ronaldo jogs laps during training.
AFP/Getty Images

And people wonder why Americans don’t get soccer.

Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo is either the best or second-best player in the world, according to most pundits, but a knee injury is threatening his participation in next month’s World Cup. The cause of this injury? Witchcraft, of course.

A witch doctor from Ghana named Nana Kwaku Bonsam says the injury is his doing, the result of a special concoction of powder and leaves Bosnam placed around a statue of Ronaldo.

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"I said it four months ago that I will work on Cristiano Ronaldo seriously and rule him out of the World Cup or at least prevent him from playing against Ghana and the best thing I can do is to keep him out though injury,” Bonsam tells the Guardian. "This injury can never be cured by any medic, they can never see what is causing the injury because it is spiritual. Today, it is his knee, tomorrow it is his thigh, next day it is something else."

The best thing about this story is how seriously the Guardian takes it. The first five words of the piece are “Ghana’s most influential witch doctor”, as if they’ve ranked them. To be fair to the writer, though, a hex-induced injury is as believable as most of crap soccer players try to get away with.

Ghana will play Ronaldo’s Portugal team in their final match of Group G play. The United States and Germany are also in the group.