Mad, man

Josh Beckett: Ah, I know, it's not really fair to fault him. Beckett pitched very well, just not quite as well as the other guy, which brings me to two points: 1) I miss the mortal lock from last October. 2) I remember snickering a few months back when Hank Steinbrenner referred to Chamberlain as "our Beckett." I'm loathe to give that buffoon credit, but he might have been right.

Jason Giambi: Oh, I see, his improbable rejuvenation at age 37 is due to the mustache. You know, a cynic might notice his slugging percentage is 100 points higher than it was a year ago and wonder if the 'stache is a actually a side effect to the real elixir.

Marty Foster: Is that his name? I'm not sure, because in my living room tonight, the home plate umpire was known as "That's A Ball, You Blind Bleepin' Moron." You know when mild-mannered Mike Lowell flips out at you over balls and strikes, you've probably missed a few.

Mariano Rivera: C'mon, man, you're 38. Will you please just get old already? Please?

Brian Cashman: The Yankees' squirrely GM gave his ballclub a second victory over the Sox tonight, acquiring lefty reliever Damaso Marte and outfielder Xavier Nady from Pittsburgh for a collection of minor leaguers, including top prospect Jose Tabata. I'm not sure the Sox should have paid the ransom the Yankees did, but there's no denying that Marte and Nady would have been welcome additions to the Sox, and the pressure is now on Theo to bolster his club. If New York ends up nosing out the Sox (and Tampa) in the AL East, tonight may be remembered as the turning point, and not only for what happened on the field.

Jim Rice: This falls under the "inanimate object" designation. When it's Sox-Yankees, I want Eck in the studio, and every other alleged analyst on the bench. I loved Jim Ed as a hitter, but I sometimes wonder if the last game he watched from beginning to end was one he played in.

Those who still squeal like little pink-hatted piggies for Jacoby Ellsbury when he drags his 81 OPS+ to the plate: Don't worry. He'll be just as precious in Pawtucket.

Me: One of these years, I'll smarten up and realize it's not wise to write off the Yankees when they look old and discombobulated in June. What can I say, I was convinced they didn't have the pitching this year, but Chamberlain's apparent emergence as a legitimate No. 1, as well as Mike Mussina's offseason visit to the fountain of youth, changes everything. The Yankees are a contender, and like two square-jawed strippers fighting over A-Rod, this one's going to be a dogfight, folks.