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And don't forget Len Barker

  July 10, 2008 01:35 AM

Cranking out a few Random Lists of Five while wondering if Dale Arnold got play-by-play tips from Glenn Geffner . . .

Five quality pitchers on the not-so-quality 1982 Cleveland Indians:
1. Bert Blyleven (3,701 career strikeouts)
2. Rick Sutcliffe (1984 NL Cy Young winner)
3. John Denny (1983 NL Cy Young winner)
4. Ed Whitson (126 career wins and an epic beatdown of Billy Martin)
5. Rick Waits (Welcome at all 1978 Red Sox reunions)

Five members of the "offensive juggernaut" 1978 Red Sox who had an OPS+ below 100:
1. Rick Burleson (70 OPS+, .295 OBP . . . just horrendous. And he led off.)
2. Jerry Remy (81 OPS+, .321 OBP . . . how did Rice knock in 139 runs with these two out-makers supposedly setting the table?)
3. George Scott (83 OPS+, 12 homers, .305 OBP . . . this is the end, my friend.)
4. Butch Hobson (92 OPS+ . . . he was hurt, okay? Geez, back off already. We don't diss Clell around here.)
5. Jack Brohamer (65 OPS+ . . . not a regular, but he did get 244 mostly worthless at-bats.)

Five conclusions drawn from the first half of the baseball season:
1. Erik Bedard doesn't really give a bleep.
2. If Lance Berkman isn't the game's most underrated great hitter, then Chipper Jones is.
3. Hank Steinbrenner is a joint gift from the the comedy and baseball gods.
4. Josh Hamilton has as much pure talent as any player I have ever seen, with the possible exception of Junior Griffey.
5. It's just not as much fun without Papi.


Five knuckleballers with Red Sox ties:
1. Tim Wakefield (Well, sure.)
2. Wilbur Wood (Won one game in parts of four seasons with Red Sox; won 20 or more four straight years with White Sox.)
3. Jared Fernandez (Former Duquette-era Sox farmhand has four wins in majors.)
4. Charlie Zink (Having a fine season at Pawtucket, he'll be a big-leaguer yet.)
5. Shea Hillenbrand (Whoops, this is knuckleballers, not knuckleheads. My bad.)

Five women muscle-fetishist A-Rod surely finds attractive:
1. Chynna (Not the one from Wilson Phillips.)
2. Debbie Clemens
3. The 100-meter breastroke specialist on the 1984 East German swim team. (Trust me, she had a mustache like Giambi's.)
4. These two dreadlocked vixens.
5. Suzyn Waldman, but only if she can improve her bench press.

Five 1986 Donruss Rated Rookies:
1. Jose Canseco (462 homers)
2. Fred McGriff (493 homers)
3. Andres Galarraga (399 homers)
4. Paul O'Neill (281 homers, and countless hissy fits. A true Yankee.)
5. Danny Tartabull (262 homers and a rapid flameout. Not a true Yankee.)

. . . and five more who didn't rate:
1. Dave Shipanoff
2. Johnny Abrego
3. Ty Gainey
4. Marty Clary
5. Juan Nieves (Not a total busto; he did throw a no-hitter before blowing out his arm.)

Five songs that the Corona-addled drunk at the local clam shack thinks Jimmy Buffett sings:
1. "Two Pina Coladas," Garth Brooks (A transparent attempt at duplicating the barroom success of "Friends In Low Places.)
2. "The Pina Colada Song," Rupert Holmes (An all-time abomination, and yet it's on my iPod. I have no explanation, just shame.)
3. "Key Largo," Bertie Higgins (With a rockin' name like that, how was he only a one-hit wonder.)
4. "Ten Rounds With Jose Cuervo," Tracy Byrd
5. Anything off Kenny Chesney's last three derivative albums.

Five developments in the sports world I'm hoping for in July:
1. The Celtics re-sign James Posey.
2. Papi comes back with a vengeance.
3. The Packers tell Brett Favre that his services and hillbilly-brained interceptions are no longer needed, thanks, but if he really wants a job, Peter King might be looking for an assistant to help loofah his stretchmarks.
4. The Yankees fall apart after their recent resurgence, prompting more fun missives from Hank the Tank.
5. Rich Harden helps the Cubs before his inevitable injury.

Five members of the World Champeen 2004 Red Sox you probably forgot about:
1. Sandy Martinez (Good-field, no-hit catcher. Right, kind of like Varitek.)
2. Ricky Gutierrez (The Royce Clayton of that championship season.)
3. Andy Dominique (The prototype for Jeff Bailey.)
4. Jimmy Anderson (Overweight, underwhelming lefty.)
5. Bobby Jones (8 walks in 3.3 innings - yeah, you remember him now, don't you?)

Five still-active players I wrote off as finished when they played for the Sox years ago:
1. Tony Clark (Drew Bledsoe was more mobile.)
2. Alan Embree
3. Darren Oliver (This one really stuns me.)
4. Keith Foulke
5. Mike Timlin (Wait . . . he's still here?)


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39 comments so far...
  1. Geff grew on me in the end, and I like the Wednesday break from OB. Geff didn't sound tightly wound like OB did last year, and I thought OB stepped on Joe's toes a little. OB definitely fits better this year and has better chemistry, but Dale is fine and I like John Rish too. I can listen to any of them with Joe. I think they are all pretty good, and for homers they still feel like they watch the game fairly (as opposed to some other AL East announcers). Dale's only problem is I think he has a little issue of describing the action as it is happening, he seems to be in the past tense. Variety works for me.

    Posted by Pinko Punko July 10, 08 05:57 AM
  1. Agree with your Dale sentiments...waited a full 15 mins to get the score whilst listening in the car yesterday.

    Hey did you know (or care) that they scored all their runs while Dale was doing play-by-play? I sure don't. Care, that is.

    Posted by JP July 10, 08 07:57 AM
  1. "Modern-day country is pop music with a fiddle."
    - Tom Petty

    Posted by Stebe July 10, 08 08:32 AM
  1. Dale's stunningly amateurish: "The ball's hit to center, and . . . " Sounds like me calling one of my electronic football games in 1982, except my voice was more mature.

    Posted by CF July 10, 08 08:59 AM
  1. Dale, O'Brien, Rish, even Geffner...it's all the same, and that is: NOT TRUPIANO! Life has been good in Red Sox radio land since Trupe left. I'll admit Geffner was not very good at all, but by comparison to who he replaced, he was awesome.

    Posted by Dave B. July 10, 08 09:06 AM
  1. Sandy Martinez was on the Sox?! I used to have a game-worn Cubs jersey of his, which may or may not have been from the time he caught Kerry Wood's 20-strikeout game. Cannon of an arm. And thanks for throwing "before his inevitable injury" in there; what did I ever do to you?

    Posted by dburba July 10, 08 09:08 AM
  1. Don't forget Cesar Crespo from the '04 season- where would the Sox have been without his -4 OPS+?

    Posted by Brian July 10, 08 09:13 AM
  1. Dburba,

    Did you read Keith Law's take on the deal? Pretty interesting. Likes Gallagher, says the Class A catcher everyone is raving about has been horrible this year and needs to get it together or he'll fall of the prospect radar altogether.

    When he's on, Harden's as unhittable as any pitcher I've seen this year - not only does he throw 98, but his fastball has ridiculous downward movement. I LOVE the deal from Chicago's perspective. But you have to be a little suspicious about Beane's timing, especially with reports that Harden's velocity was down in his last start.

    Posted by CF July 10, 08 09:21 AM
  1. Was Len Barker gone by the '82 season? He pitched a perfect game in '81. You forgot about Eddie Cicotte (pre-Black Sox) for the knuckleballers. You really should have included Bob Montgomery in the '78 Sox line. Granted, he only appeared in a few games, but how this guy managed to hang around for nearly a decade is a mystery to me, and he was as dull in the broadcast booth as he was with the bat...fortunately, he is not the worst former Sox catcher/commentator there has ever been. That honor goes to the only man in America who has ever purchased a bottle of Derek Jeter's "Driven".

    Posted by The Duke July 10, 08 10:07 AM
  1. Chicago's view is: If we get 10-15 starts out of Harden, win it all, and then he craps the bed, its OK for us.

    Beane's view is: Harden's value now is as high as its been in years. And since we dont think there's a likelihood he'll be consistently (175+ innings worth) healthy beyond this year (or this month), he's value will never be higher.

    Probably the right trade for both teams at this time.

    (FWIW-BP sugeests Beane's big mistake was giving up the 26y/o Gaudin)

    Posted by Cap'n Dunsel July 10, 08 11:03 AM
  1. And wasn't that Sandy Martinez the same guy who got into an Izzy Alcantara-style kick fight with someone?

    Posted by Cap'n Dunsel July 10, 08 11:05 AM
  1. I stand in the distinct minority of thinking Geff wasn't bad last year. I thought he was better than OB, who I felt was too detached, like every game was a national game and he didn't care. I don't want a cheerleader, but some emotion would be nice. He's much better now that he's relaxed more.

    Posted by Beantown July 10, 08 11:24 AM
  1. Based on the way Beane pulled the Cardinals' pants down with the Mulder deal (they got 1 good year), I'd imagine that when push comes to shove, the Cubs' will have their pants down on this deal as well. Only time Beane didn't win on a trade in recent memory was the dealing of Tim Hudson (who I miss seeing getting is butt whipped by the Sox) and the jury's still out on the Haren deal (how will those prospects he got turn out?). But if I'm a Cubs fan I'm scared that we just traded for Mark Prior, pre-season-ending injury.

    Posted by John July 10, 08 11:40 AM
  1. I turn the games off when I hear Dale, he is sad.

    Posted by Jay July 10, 08 12:46 PM
  1. If you want to hear real country music check out Wayne "The Train" Hancock.
    Close your eyes and you'd think it was Hank Williams - the original not the son.
    His music so beats almost everything that has come out of Nashville in years.

    Posted by David Muscio July 10, 08 12:57 PM
  1. wow, just looked at the '04 Sox roster on baseball-reference.com. I had completely forgotten about a lot of those horrible pitchers that we cycled through for the last few spots in the bullpen. Mark Malaska...Phil Seibel...Joe Nelson...Frank Castillo (!)...Anastacio Martinez...heck even David McCarty pitched!

    maybe our middle relief this year isnt as bad as we think ;)

    Posted by Jeff July 10, 08 01:16 PM
  1. A Yankees collapse, as suggested on Chad's wish list, is a decent possibility. Their August/September schedule is very tough.

    Posted by Maine Sox Fan July 10, 08 01:20 PM
  1. Barker was there in '82 - he won 15 games. They also had Lary Sorensen, who has apparently set some national drunk driving record. (Google him.)

    Blyleven made only four starts, though.

    Posted by CF July 10, 08 01:40 PM
  1. Who would have thought that 36 year old Curt Leskanic would turn out to be a savior after they picked him and his 8.05 ERA off of the KC Royal scrapheap?

    Posted by jim July 10, 08 02:02 PM
  1. "Leskanic, you son of a . . . "

    If only Hansen and Delcarmen had his stones.

    Posted by CF July 10, 08 02:43 PM
  1. Felix Martinez was the Martinez with the Izzy-style karate kick fight. He was playing for KC and I want to say he kicked a Tiger or Indian player.

    Posted by AllWorthIt July 10, 08 02:44 PM
  1. Chad, nice points about the '78 "offensive juggernaut" Red Sox.

    Remy's season was just OK.

    Burleson was terrible that year, and worse yet, he browbeat Don Zimmer into letting him bat leadoff about six weeks into the season because he said he couldn't bat 2nd. So much for acquiring Remy that offseason for "speed in the leadoff spot."

    Hobson, Scott, Yaz and Fisk all had offensive seasons that were below, or even far below their 1977 production.

    Fred Lynn had a nice year, but he waited a year too long to start pounding the Nautilus machines, because the Sox could have used the 39 dingers he hit in 1979 more than the 22 he had in '78.

    Jim Rice, for all of the crap he took in this town for the double plays and for not being a "clutch" hitter, simply carried that team offensively more often than not. Designated Hitter or not, he was truly the MVP that year......406 total bases. I mean, my goodness.

    The fact remains that the '78 Sox were a better all-around team than the '77 version that won just 2 fewer games (97 wins in '77; 99 in '78), but the '77 team was the true offensive juggernaut. Had the '78 team received even 2/3 of the offensive production from guys like Scott, Fisk, Hobson, etc., that they received in '77, then Bucky Dent's middle name never becomes "bleeping", because the Yankees would have been buried by mid-August.


    Posted by Tony July 10, 08 03:04 PM
  1. another oft-mistaken for jimmy buffett song...."another saturday night" by cat stevens. can't tell you how many chicks think that's buffett.

    Posted by benjikaye22 July 10, 08 03:25 PM
  1. another oft-mistaken for jimmy buffett song...."another saturday night" by cat stevens. can't tell you how many chicks think that's buffett.

    Posted by benjikaye22 July 10, 08 03:26 PM
  1. I turned on the game in my car yesterday as Minnesota began the seventh inning. I was in Raymond, New Hampshire. It was a long first-half of the inning, with the Twins loading the bases, a pitching change, a commercial break. Not once...not once.....not once did Dale provide the score. Finally, at the end of the inning, he mentioned the Sox had a two-run lead. The half-inning ended and the broadcast went to commercial break....and I had hit the toll booths in Hampton...Dale did not mention the score until after the break. Inexcusable broadcasting.

    Posted by Michael July 10, 08 03:58 PM
  1. I could never figure out how Dale "ikiebaluki" Arnold got the Sox p/t broadcasting job. He''s the only one on radio who forces me to turn it off and listen to the TV. Embarassing in interviews with athletes since he's such a colossal suckup he should go back to the Bruuns - wait...they fired him didn't they.

    Posted by Bob July 10, 08 04:29 PM
  1. Dale has that just-happy-to-be-here radio demeanor and always sounds like he's calling the game from deep in the Right Field Grandstand, craning his neck and looking into the sun with a pair of binoculars. It's sort of unfair to judge him against Joe's almost otherworldly sense of timing, so I try not to, though it would be nice if he could upgrade his seats. He's a vast improvement over Geff, however, because anything would be; undeniable knowledge of the game aside, his voice is suitable only for Over-40 Men's Softball or any place that doesn't actually care about baseball, like Florida. Say what you will about Trupe's irrepressible corniness but the man's vocal chords were genetically engineered to call a game. I for one miss him. If OB deigns to stick around long enough to raise a generation of radio listeners, all will be forgiven.

    Posted by Jesse July 10, 08 04:50 PM
  1. Nothing wrong with the Pina Colada Song. That is quality right there. Don't hide your feelings, Chad! Just go with it.

    "It was my own lovely lady.." Always liked that part.

    Posted by Darren Banks Jr. July 10, 08 06:33 PM
  1. "She said, 'Aw, it's you."

    Uh-huh, right. Every woman on the planet, save for the one in that song, would have him spayed and neutered for trying to cheat on her through the classified ads. Even though she had the same notion, of course.

    "She said, "Aw, you're [expletive] dead, you son of a . . . HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, RUPERT?!!! AND PINA COLADAS?? REALLY? WHO ARE YOU, A-ROD????!! I'M GOING TO CUT YOU!!!

    See, isn't that a better song?

    Posted by Cf July 10, 08 09:14 PM
  1. Ha ha ha! Both "Key Largo" and " Escape - The Pina Colada Song" made VH1's list of 40 Most Soft-sational Soft Rock Songs. What a cool crew we are discussing those tunes! When's the Air Supply or Manilow reference coming?

    I also am blown away that Darren Oliver still occupies a spot on a major league roster.

    Posted by KF July 10, 08 09:33 PM
  1. Chad.....good grief, I knew Brohammer was bad in 78, but 30 years later, it was really bad, and with all due respect to Darren Oliver, I am speechless....carry on carry on

    Posted by Redsox1975 July 11, 08 12:38 AM
  1. Dale Arnold is an embarrassment to baseball radio broadcasting, he has no timing when a ball is hit, he tries to interject "humor" at the wrong times, he doesn't give the score, he makes ill timed comments like he is on his talk show,he doesn't know baseball,he thinks he is funny and interesting. He is trying to reinvent himself after getting fired by the Bruins. We in Boston deserve more,Why is Sox management treating the radio broadcasts like a weekly tryout game, we have a rich tradition of great broadcasters here. Dale Arnold is not a baseball broadcaster, stop the charade. He is a company man which is what Lucchino wants, no bad words said, everyone is "happy" Sox radio listeners be damned.

    Posted by Dan Moroney July 11, 08 01:33 AM
  1. Does Air Supply have a single song without the word "Love" in it?

    Posted by The Duke July 11, 08 10:38 AM
  1. @ Duke: "The Air That I Breathe".

    Posted by DaveR July 11, 08 11:45 AM
  1. I agree that Dale isn't the man for the job - but, regarding the game score, it's entirely possible that it is a mandate from the radio stations, themselves. Don't announce the score = more listeners staying tuned.

    In today's money-grubbing world, I wouldn't doubt it.

    Posted by Ed Sweeney July 11, 08 01:09 PM
  1. DaveR, "The Air That I Breathe" is by the Hollies, not Air Supply.

    Fear not. Despite my best attempts to purge these horrific train wrecks of songs from my memory, the magic of wikipedia produced to me the following hits of Air Supply without the word "love" in the title:

    "Every Woman In the World" and "Even The Nights Are Better"

    Dale Arnold strikes me as an Air Supply kind of guy.


    Posted by KF July 11, 08 02:14 PM
  1. I have a friend who, last I knew, had been to two concerts in his life:

    Air Supply.

    Manilow.

    I imagine he'll show up here in the comments to defend himself.

    Posted by cf July 11, 08 05:10 PM
  1. I'm surprised you didn't put in the 1 day wonder known as Brandon Puffer who was one day in uniform but never got in the game and was gone the next day. Also, wasn't Jimmy Anderson traded for himself? I could've sworn he was.

    Posted by Mysterious Lurker July 11, 08 05:34 PM
  1. 1. Dale Arnold is a smug, self-satisfied no-talent! It is painful listening to him--for the first time ever, I won't listen to the Sox on radio when he does the games. There, I said it.

    2. On a happier note, I would add Todd Jones to the list of ex-Sox that looked finished years ago.

    Posted by rclemens July 12, 08 07:43 AM
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Irreverence and insight from Chad Finn, a Globe/Boston.com sports writer and lifelong and incurable sports nut. Yes, he realizes how lucky he is. You can e-mail him at chadfinn4@yahoo.com.
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contributor Chad is the founder and sole writer of the TATB blog, which launched in December 2004. Before joining the Globe in 2003, he was the assistant sports editor at the Concord (N.H.) Monitor for nine years, where he won several state, regional and national writing awards, including an Associated Press Sports Editors award for column writing in 2000. He lives in Wells, Maine, with his wife Jennifer, children Leah and Alex, and a cat named after Otis Nixon.
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