Keep your enemies closer

A few seasons ago, after a particularly aggravating loss to habitual Sox-killers Reed Johnson, Frank Catalanotto, and the Toronto Blue Jays, I pecked out my inaugural Enemies List, described then as "those subpar, non-descript and just plain lousy ballplayers who have tormented the Sox in recent years."

A season or two later, during Yankees slopballer Aaron Small's incomprehensibly successful stretch in which it was apparent he had sold his soul to the Steinbrenners, I updated the list.

Now, after a pair of frustrating losses to these apparently star-kissed Tampa Bay Rays, it seems the time has come again. Without further ado (or blabber), we'll start with a long overdue honoree . . .

Andy Sonnanstine: The definition of average in terms of stuff and statistics - his adjusted ERA is 100 - he somehow turns into the second coming of Mike Boddicker against the Sox. They haven't touched him for an earned run in 13 innings this season.

Dioner Navarro: They call Tuesday's hero "Little Pudge." I don't see it. Looks to me like the Rays' stumpy catcher is mostly made up of discarded parts from the Molina brothers.

Gabe Gross: Though he's had a couple of big hits and an occasional home run against the Sox this season, I've really got nothing against him. I just wanted to use the opportunity to point out that, since I've started working days and thus can listen to the early innings of the Sox game on the commute home, I've come to the realization that Joe Castiglione tells you the exact same facts about a player during every game of a series. I mean, not a word changes. For instance, after three days with the Rays, there is now a certain nasally voice in my head that tells me whenever I hear Gross's name that he was the starting quarterback at Auburn. I'm also all too aware that Sonnanstine pitched two summers for the Sanford Mainers of the NECBL, that Evan Longoria is from Long Beach State (where baseball is a priority), that Joe Maddon threw four touchdown passes in a game while a quarterback at Lafayette, and that Lafayette and Lehigh is the oldest continuous rivalry in college football. To borrow a line from Suzy Kolber: Thanks, Joe. Now please, put down the media guide.

Jonny Gomes: Prediction: The Rays' designated goon will be working the door at Thee Dollhouse within two years.