Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

1. CNNSI's Jon Heyman speculates today that the Red Sox will consider pursuing Marco Scutaro in the offseason. All things considered, I'd rather have Gonzo back, even at his $6 million rate. At least you'd know what you were getting -- a graceful defender who occasionally surprises you at the plate. Scutaro has had the definition of a career year at age 35, batting .283 with 11 homers and 92 runs scored. But he's never had a career adjusted OPS higher than 96 until this year. (He's at 110 right now.) I have a feeling that if the Sox signed him, he'd sooner rather than later end up as more evidence that Theo has a fundamental flaw in identifying useful shortstops.

2. I've never seen a football player turn pure passion into overachieving performance quite the way Tedy Bruschi did. We're not underestimating his talent here, because it was vast, but more than anything else it was his uncommon and unrelenting desire for his profession that allowed him to go from a pass rushing defensive end in college to one of the most versatile and dependable big-play linebackers of his era. Kudos to Bruschi for knowing it was time for him to go, and for leaving so many wonderful memories behind.

3. Quick Pats predictions: Preseason All-Star BenJarvus Green-Ellis makes it as the fifth running back, Terrence Nunn gets cut and claimed before Belichick can stash him on the practice squad, Brandon McGowan makes it because of Matthew Slater's injury, A.J. Feeley is acquired before the end of the weekend for a mid-round pick, and Ben Watson beats out Alex Smith for the backup tight end job.

4. Joe Mauer is the American League Most Valuable Player, Zack Greinke deserves the Cy Young Award, and if you think otherwise, you're either from New York and/or have forgotten the Royals exist.

5. If Josh McDaniels decides the Brandon Marshall headache isn't worth it, here's hoping he does his former employer a favor and deals the childish wide receiver to the Jets. With blowhard Rex Ryan as the coach and a rookie at quarterback, he'll have no trouble demolishing the chemistry on that team quickly.

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Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

1. Listening to Red Sox player personnel director Mike Hazen discuss the future of last year's No. 1 pick, pitcher/shortstop Casey Kelly, during a radio interview with WJAB in Portland this weekend, I could help think back to a similar decision a previous regime had to make with Frankie Rodriguez. Like Kelly, Rodriguez was considered a premier prospect as a pitcher and as a shortstop. The Lou Gorman-era Red Sox chose to make him exclusively a pitcher. Based on his 5.53 ERA in parts of seven big-league seasons, it was not the correct choice. Kelly has been outstanding on the mound at two levels of Single A this season -- he's currently at Salem after going 6-1 with a Gibsonesque 1.12 ERA at Greenville -- but the Sox are intent on giving him a look at short after he reaches his innings limit. Not surprisingly, that's a more prudent approach to the pleasant dilemma than the one taken with Rodriguez 18 years ago.

2. I imagine Clay Buchholz is going to catch a lot of heat for his comments about his frustration at being with the PawSox, and maybe he should have kept his feelings to himself considering he is in Triple A because he was such a disaster during an extended stint with the Red Sox a season ago. But in another sense, I liked hearing that he's ticked, that he thinks he's "wasting bullets" in Triple A and should be in the big leagues. Not only because he's essentially right, but because he's going to be on a mission to prove he belongs once he gets to Boston -- and he will get to Boston well before the season is done. Just a little patience, kid.

3. All right, now that I'm officially aboard the Brad Penny bandwagon, here's my revised version regarding what the Sox should do with their pitching surplus once John Smoltz arrives: Put Daisuke Matsuzaka on the DL with any alleged injury that they can come up with. If he resists that, either bury him in the bullpen or work Smoltz in as a spot starter -- with those spots conveniently coming on days Dice-K is due to pitch. Actually, snark aside, I feel like the Sox will come up with a creative solution for this that doesn't involve a full six-man rotation (meaning Josh Beckett and Jon Lester will still pitch every fifth day), but one in which Smoltz, Penny, and Dice-K all get a decent share of work. How this can be done, I have no idea, but that's why they pay John Farrell the big bucks, right?

4. The coronation of King Kobe was too much for me last night -- I lunged for the clicker with about five minutes remaining before I could discover if he now gets a throne to match Phil Jackson's.

5. David Ortiz, over the last 14 days. Thirty-eight plate appearances, 33 at-bats, 3 homers, 11 RBIs, .303 batting average, 1.001 OPS. So I ask you: Is it too soon to say he's back? Because it is very tempting, particularly after his Papi Classic bomb off A.J. Burnett.

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Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

1. Love the thought of the Sox poking around to see if the Indians might be willing to deal Victor Martinez. While genuine interest in the 30-year-old C/1B/DH might be taken as a sign that the Sox don't believe David Ortiz is going to snap out of this, there's no denying that Martinez, a lifetime .304 hitter with a habit of torturing the Sox in the Joe Carter tradition, would be an excellent fit, particularly given his versatility. You have to figure it would take at least one of the Daniel Bard/Michael Bowden/Clay Buchholz triumvirate to make it happen, and you know what? I'd be thrilled if Theo could pull it off for Bowden and a lesser prospect or two. I suspect Mark Shapiro may have other ideas, though, given that they are apparently more reluctant to trade him than they are Cliff Lee. At the least, it's something to keep an eye on if the Indians continue to stumble.

2. I just can't get myself worked up enough to gripe about the Celtics' no-show last night. Yeah, it's a bummer that the season -- not to mention the championship reign -- ended in such an anti-climactic manner. But time and again this postseason I've been impressed by the shorthanded Celtics' knack for delivering when the moment demanded it, whether it was Big Baby's buzzer-beater in Orlando, Ray Allen's string of big shots in the epic Chicago series, Rajon Rondo's triple-double binge, or a clearly weary Paul Pierce doing everything his legs would allow. These Celtics were true champions despite last night's conclusion, and they did their best to defend their crown despite losing their defensive fulcrum in Kevin Garnett and the admirable Leon Powe along the way. Yes, the ending was ugly, and it came a series short of where we expected them to bow out. But all things considered, I will remember this team with admiration. The better -- and healthier -- team won. No shame in that.

3. Words I'll probably regret writing: I want Stephon Marbury back with the Celtics next season. Seems to me we underestimated how long it would take for him to shake off the rust after roughly a year away from regular season NBA action. Provided he remains the same good and popular teammate he was this time around -- talk about your pleasant surprises -- I'd love to have him return as Rajon Rondo's caddy next year. Remember, the Celtics wouldn't have secured what ended up being their last victory of the season without his well-timed flashback. Maybe he has a few more in him.

4. You know shortstop remains the Bermuda Triangle for the Sox when Julio Lugo is the lesser of two evils. Nick Green did a nice job filling in early, but lately his true self has been revealed, at least defensively. He has eight errors in 23 games at short, which is almost enough to make one wonder if he's using a glove Edgar Renteria left behind.

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Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

1. I doubt this is the end for Gary Sheffield -- fading sluggers always seem to get a couple of extra chances to prove their bat speed is going, going, gone -- but if it is, it makes for an interesting Hall of Fame debate. Sheffield has 499 homers, so he'll have his supporters for his counting numbers alone. Yet he was tainted by the BALCO scandal -- though not as badly as his good old ex-friend Barry -- and more accomplished players will apparently be banished from Cooperstown for their involvement with PEDs. Ultimately, I don't think Sheffield gets in, but I haven't quite made up my mind yet if he deserves to. Give me five years. (By the way, raise your hand if you knew Sheffield and Terry Francona were teammates on the 1989 Brewers. I bet Tito could tell a story or two.)

2. The Rangers released longtime Red Sox killer Frank Catalanotto tonight, eating roughly $6 million in order to keep the bloated carcass of Andruw Jones. Can he get to Fort Myers by the morning? Okay, I suppose they'd need to wait a little longer -- I think he has to clear waivers first -- but Catalanotto, a .314 lifetime hitter against the Sox, would be a good fit here. He has more versatility than the sweet-swinging but positionless Chris Carter, and he's a better player at this point than Mark Kotsay, whose spot Carter is keeping warm. Better yet, by signing him, the Sox wouldn't have to face him anymore. (Keep in mind, I'm still waiting for the Sox to sign Joe Carter, who I'm pretty sure averaged two homers and five RBIs per game at Fenway in his career.)

3. Three revelations I thought I spotted between the lines during Danny Ainge's interview with WEEI today. 1) Garnett won't have surgery until the season ends, but he almost certainly will after the season. 2) It was driving Garnett crazy -- well, crazier -- to play such a limited (in every sense) role. 3) The Celtics have absolutely no idea what they will get from their leader once the playoffs tip off.

4. The Red Sox are doing the proper thing by sending Clay Buchholz to Pawtucket to start the season. Until yesterday, he had enjoyed a practically flawless spring, one in which he reestablished himself as one of the premier pitching prospects in the game. That is undeniably encouraging, but the mistake the Red Sox made with him in the first place was expecting too much too soon. It's a credit to them that they're not going to let it happen again.

5. How did I miss this? Guess I don't check The Onion as much as I should. And yes, I'll admit I snorted at the one revealing Schill's "main goal about fighting Lou Gehrig's disease." I don't think that makes me a bad person. But it might.

6. Shaq's hugely popular and hilarious Twitter feed -- not to mention some choice recent one-liners (“I heard what Chris Bosh said [about me]. Those are strong words coming from the RuPaul of big men.”) -- have gone a long way toward confirming something to the general public that Rick Reilly has been writing for years: Shaq gets it. He's one Goliath all of us should be rooting for.

7. As a Patriots fan, the one wish I want granted right now from the football gods is this: Jay Cutler, quarterback, New York Jets. He's like a baby Brett Favre, except with an iPod full of Dashboard Confessional songs. I suspect the Patriots had a healthy disrespect for Cutler's decision-making heading into last season's matchup with Denver, and nothing since has changed Josh McDaniels's mind.

8. Had Oklahoma winning it all. So much for that, though while my bracket was going up in flames, at least it was interesting to watch Blake Griffin give Tyler Hansbrough a preview of what he can expect should he make an NBA roster. While the Heels -- my new favorite to be cutting down the nets Monday night -- steamrolled the Sooners, those who wondered why NBA scouts consider Hansbrough little more than Mark Madsen with better dance moves finally got their answers.

9. Hope the Red Sox resist trading the apparently coveted Manny Delcarmen, unless they get a legitimate heir to Jason Varitek in return. Delcarmen has the maddening tendency to lose his command in tense situations, but there's no doubting his stuff, and he was effective in a surprising way last season -- the righthander held lefty hitters to a .190 average and a .544 OPS with no home runs in 142 plate appearances. That's extremely valuable, and looks like he's going to be in a comfortable role this season. He's not someone you give up for the likes of Miguel Montero.

10. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:

For the record, Win had three of 'em in his big league career.

1. I don't recall ever hearing of Marquis Cooper or Corey Smith on Sundays. But I can't stop thinking about them and their friend Will Bleakley now. The details of their doomed fishing trip off the coast of Florida become more chilling by the day. The Tampa Tribune reported that Nick Schuyler, the lone survivor barring a miracle, told the Coast Guard that Cooper and Smith, exhausted and most likely delusional after fighting the relentless waves, took off their life jackets and drifted away toward their fate. If you've seen the movie "Open Water," you probably have some idea of the mental and psychological regression the occurs when people have been in the frigid ocean for hours at a time, and why they might make such a decision. But whenever I read a reference to Cooper being married with a 3-year-old daughter, it only makes the whole thing more awful and, in a way, morbidly mysterious. As a dad myself, I simply can't fathom the physical and emotional horrors that would make me decide to choose another option besides fighting with all of my will and strength to see my kids again. It must have been a hell beyond our imaginations, and I wish I could stop thinking about it.

* * *

2. I remember reading somewhere this offseason -- way to be specific, eh? -- an anecdote about a current player who said he'd rather retire than play for a pittance of $2 million. (Pittance is my word, but the tone is all his.) Probably unfairly, a picture of Nomar Garciaparra popped into my head whenever I thought of that quote, and so I was happy to see that he'd decided to accept the A's offer of a one-year deal. It's been a long time since Nomar was a star, and the injuries and passing of the seasons seem to have made him cynical if not bitter. But I still fondly remember him as the toast of our corner of the world decade ago -- there are a lot of 10-year-old pets in New England named Nomar and Pedro -- and it's nice to still have him around. Especially if you don't have to deal with him.

3. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I don't believe A-Rod is seriously hurt. I figure it's either his transparent ploy to pull his roided-up butt out of the spotlight for a few weeks, or it's the Yankees' typically ham-handed way of getting Derek Jeter to move to third base five years after he should have when Single White A-Rod first arrived. And if you're not buying either of those suggestions, at least consider this: Had A-Rod been injured (or revealed his injury) a week ago, you've got to figure there's a good chance Nomar would be playing third base for the home team when the Yankees open their new ballpark. Of course, what they should have done in that scenario is sign Orlando Cabrera (who also became a Beane Bargain about a week ago) and move Jeter to third. But I'm pretty sure I already mentioned something like that.

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1. While I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story (sorry, Insider access required) that makes the case that Nomar Garciaparra might be a more valuable player than Derek Jeter at this point -- yes, you read that right -- I'm not sure I buy it, considering that some of the logic is based on Nomar playing shortstop on a regular basis, and we all know every tendon in his body would simultaneously rip to shreds if he had to play more than 10 games in a row there at this point. But like I said, it was a fun and thought-provoking read, especially this part:

For those who think Garciaparra is no longer a shortstop, he actually played 31 games there last season. Based on Baseball Prospectus' fielding rate metric, he was three runs below average per 100 games. That's a small sample size, but for his career he is two runs above average per 100 games, so he was right in line with that. In case you were wondering, Jeter was 13 runs below average per 100 games in 2008, and six below for his career.

In other words: Nomar can barely play the position adequately -- but he's classic Ozzie Smith compared to Jeter! Or at least that's how I choose to read it.

2. Oh, and Jetes? You're no Manny, either. And while you're at it, Captain, take your glove and move to center so we can sign a real shortstop. Like Orlando Cabrera. Or Nomar. Or Luis Rivera. (Jeter-bashing: My sport of choice.)

3. Three things I want from tonight's Celtics-Lakers showdown: At least five 3-pointers from Eddie House; uncontrollable tears from Sasha Vujacic; and victory by the home team by a margin similar to that of Game 6. I don't think that's too much to ask, though if I had to settle for the latter only, I'd certainly be cool with that. Man, this Lakers team is easy to loathe, isn't it?

4. Still can't believe the Monty Beisel who played so well for the Cardinals in the Super Bowl is the same overpursuing stiff who looked so lost for the Patriots three years ago. In a related note, I'm pretty sure I saw Duane Starks, another member of the Pioli Class of '05, trying futilely to cover Santonio Holmes on the Steelers' last drive, though I'm not sure why it said "Francisco" across the back of his jersey.

5. Can't help but think that when it's all said and done, the Patriots will get one first-round pick plus another useful draft pick in exchange for Matt Cassel. While there has to be at least some concern that a portion of his success is due to having Wes Welker and Randy Moss on the receiving end of his passes, he is a considerably safer bet for a rebuilding team than some unproven Big Man On Campus such as Mark Sanchez or Matt Stafford. The Patriots will be happy with their haul in the end, and I bet the team that eventually gets Cassel will also be satisfied. He's the real thing.

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Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

1. The news that Jonathan Papelbon has agreed to a one-year, $6.25 million deal struck me as a shrewd move for both sides, though I have to admit, I think he would be wise to give more consideration to pursuing a long-term deal now. I'm not sure the club is convinced that he has a long shelf-life -- it is at least somewhat alarming that he gave up 28 more hits in 11 more innings last season than in '07 -- but I bet they would take the risk and lock him up for the next four years or so if they considered the financial terms reasonably favorable.

2. I can't think of a quarterback who has had more peaks and valleys in his career than the remarkable Kurt Warner -- the closest comparison I could come up with was Jim Plunkett, who went from Heisman winner to battered and beleaguered Patriot to worn-out Niner before finally finding redemption with the Raiders. And you know what? If the Cardinals somehow steal this Super Bowl, go ahead and count me among those who think Warner has a very legitimate shot at Canton.

3. Rajon Rondo confirmed Monday night what I've thought for some time now: Steve Nash is the worst defensive player, bar none, to win a modern NBA Most Valuable Player award -- let alone multiple MVPs. He got Rondo'd so often, I was beginning to wonder if his ankles were somehow fused together.

4. Sure, it felt like the end of an era in a sense when Scott Pioli departed New England and ended his historically successful partnership with Bill Belichick to run his own operation in Kansas City. But in the end, I look at it this way: Other clubs can pilfer the Patriots' staff all they want, but as long the captain in the gray hoodie is steering the ship, the organization will not stray off course. Everyone -- everyone -- is replaceable but him.

5. Could the Cowboys really be interested in free-agent linebacker/narcissist Ray Lewis? Seriously? Is it Jerry Jones's mission to collect every disgraceful character currently active in the NFL? Or is this part of a dastardly plan to get rid of Terrell Owens? Word of advice, T.O.: Watch out for the shiv.

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Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

1. Every time I'm awed by what Kevin Faulk has become -- in essence, the running back version of Troy Brown, circa 2000 -- I flash back to 1999, when he arrived in New England during the frustrating Pete Carroll regime. Back then, Faulk looked like the second coming of Jon Vaughn, an outstanding kick returner who was too small and mistake-prone to ever be considered a long-term contributor as a running back. In his NFL youth, Faulk was anything but Mr. Reliable. But here he is, a versatile and valued role player juking his way through his 10th season, having outlasted such fellow '99 draft picks as Andy Katzenmoyer, Michael Bishop, and Tony George, among others. It's credit to both Faulk and the current Patriots' coaching staff that he has become such an important and dependable piece of the puzzle.

2. I suppose I could be talked into the thought of Matt Holliday on the Red Sox, if only because his Coors/road splits were a little more balanced this season than in the past and I think he's a good enough hitter to do some damage no matter where he plays. But about that other Colorado "slugger" the Sox are speculated to have interest in . . . well, let me put it this way: If Garrett Atkins -- he of the .328 on-base percentage in '08 -- is calling Fenway home next season, it's only because Mike Lowell didn't recover from his hip injury, Kevin Youkilis suffered a horrific beard malfunction, and about a half-dozen other superior alternatives at third base fell through for one reason or another.

3. Of all of the encouraging developments for the Patriots the past two weeks, the most important, other than perhaps Richard Seymour's return to Beasthood, is this: Matt Cassel is undeniably improving, not only at the big things (like, say, throwing game-winning touchdown passes), but the small things as well. When Cassel first took the reins when Tom Brady's knee was turned into Grade D lunch meat, he had the obvious flaws of inexperience. He was much too quick to give up on the play and scramble -- now he's definitely picking his spots better. He also has a better feel within the pocket as -- he deftly stepped into a couple of throws yesterday when the rush was coming from behind him, and he's no longer blindly scrambling into sacks. He's actually becoming poised and confident, two of his predecessor's greatest traits.

4. All right, you've convinced me, dear readers: The Red Sox should not be suckered in to the Jake Peavy sweepstakes. He's had elbow issues, he's benefited from playing half of his games at a pitchers' park, he's been awful in the postseason, and chances are the cost in terms of players and prospects would be much too high. Consider me corrected.

5. I have to admit, I'd have paid more attention to the World Series had I known Evan Longoria and Carlos Pena would be 0 for 29 to this point. They're the Canseco/Vaughn of their time, and I hope Cole Hamels keeps the oh-fer going tonight. Yup, I think you could say the Rays are officially the enemy now.

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Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

1. Recognize this guy? Nope, that's not Richie Sambora before he discovered booze. Look again, and picture this dude 30 years later, with a white buzz cut. Still nothing? Okay, try putting a pair of pretentious Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn classes on him. Got it now? I think you do. Yup, believe it or not, that's (here for the answer) . . .

2. I wish the Sox had slotted Jon Lester in the No. 2 spot, with Josh Beckett pitching Game 3, if only because, should the Rays win in 6, the Sox' ace lefty will have pitched just once in the series, which would pretty much be inexcusable. But the way the rotation is set up makes for a very compelling matchup in Game 2: Josh Beckett versus Scott Kazmir. We know about Beckett's situation -- the most dominating postseason pitcher of his time struggled in the ALDS, and there's still some debate as to whether that was because of injury or rust. But Kazmir . .. well, he's the real mystery here. While he pitched decently in the ALDS, allowing two runs and eight hits in 5 1/3 innings in the Rays' Game 2 win, I can't forget Jerry Remy's words after the Rays' lefty melted down against the Red Sox Sept. 15: "He looked scared out there." Kazmir has as much raw stuff as any pitcher remaining in these playoffs, but sometimes I wonder if he's the second coming of Mark Langston. No, that's not a compliment.

3. Huge test for the Pats this week, no doubt, but I don't fear the Chargers quite the way I did, oh, entering last year's AFC title game. Injuries have taken a toll on Antonio Gates and, to a lesser extent, LaDainian Tomlinson, and perennial pest Chris Chambers is also hurt. I think the Pats win with relative ease if three things happen: 1) Matt Cassel is as steady as he was against the Niners last week. 2) Darren Sproles is contained on the return game. 3) Norv Turner shows up.

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Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

1. Anyone who labels Tuesday's loss as "devastating" simply has lost all perspective. Sure, it would have been nice to finally surpass the Rays and take over first place, and yes, the stirring victory probably will rejuvenate Tampa Bay to some extent. But the Sox still have 18 games to make up the 1 1/2-game deficit starting tonight, and considering that Terry Francona again has them playing their best baseball at the end of the season, I like their chances. Besides, I agree with the way they stack their priorities: Winning the wild card while periodically resting regulars and setting up their pitching for the postseason is far more logical than gunning for the division crown at any significant cost.

2. The easy comparison around here is to compare these never-say-die Rays to the "Impossible Dream" Red Sox of '67, though I suspect those who were actually born then and savored that franchise-defining summer would say it's not even close. But to me, this Tampa team is reminiscent of the worst-to-first Braves of '91, with three talented young starting pitchers blossoming at once, a couple of sage veterans (Carlos Pena is playing the role of Terry Pendleton), a young slugger (Evan Longoria = David Justice), and a well-cast collection of role players. I'm not sure who plays the lovely and talented Juan Berenguer, however.

3. All right, all you blindly loyal grunts in the Varitek Army. Let me hear how you justify that pathetic bunt attempt in the ninth inning last night. Was he too busy fretting about his pitchers? Did he do it deliberately because he knew that if he succeeded, the Rays would just walk the next batter, David Ortiz? Is he secretly an extremist Sabermatrician who doesn't believe in giving up outs under any circumstances? C'mon, tell me. I know it will be good.

4. A healthy, effective, playmaking Richard Seymour would go a long way toward making this Patriots season far more successful than the alleged experts currently believe it can be. Hard to believe, but he's only 28. If he's knees are okay, he should be able to dominate again, and I don't need to tell you how much a dominant Seymour means to the Patriots' defense.

5. According to the oddsmakers at Bodog.com, the Dallas Cowboys are the new favorites to win the Super Bowl with 4-1 odds. Having watched a "Hard Knocks" marathon on HBO last weekend, I can say with assurance that there's a better chance Wade Phillips will win a gold medal in racewalking than he will a Lombardi Trophy.

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1. Manny could save himself and his exasperated fans so much grief if he just called the media over to his locker and said, "Listen, guys. My knee is killing me despite what the MRI says, but I realize the Yankees are closing in on us, our offense is struggling, and the team needs me out there, so I'm going to try to play through it. Understood? Good. Now go ask Tito why he never pinch hits for Varitek in the late innings. That's the real crime against baseball around here."

2. As umpire Marty Foster was expanding the strike zone to Eric Gregg proportions Friday night, for the first time in a while I found myself wishing Sean McDonough was still calling Red Sox games rather than Don Orsillo. McDonough never hesitated to call out an incompetent umpire - yes, sometimes to the point of annoyance - while Orsillo seems to go out of his way not to be critical, even when the evidence is right there on the screen. I'll take the former over the latter every time.

(AP Photo)

3. Brett Favre to the J-E-T-S? Please, please, please, football gods, make this happen. If I may be so vindictive, I want this self-absorbed fraud's Namath-on-the-Rams moments to come against the Patriots.

4. I'm not saying the "Mad Men" marathon I zipped through this weekend has completely altered my view of the world, but I'm seriously considering taking up smoking Lucky Strikes and drinking scotch in the office, and from now on I'm going to openly refer to my wife and her friends as "the hens." Or maybe I'll go with "chickens." I'll be sure to let you know how it goes. (Seriously, this is a brilliant, if impossibly bleak, show. Thanks for the reluctant tip, Matthew Gilbert.)

5. Believe it or not, I'm actually glad the Celtics re-signed Tony Allen. He might be a numbskull, but he's our numbskull, and at least he can play defense. He was the best of an uninspiring collection of alternatives to replace James Posey. What, you'd prefer Darius Miles?

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Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

(MLB.com Photo)

1. I'm not saying the Yankees' pregame ceremony was a transparent attempt to duplicate the Red Sox's transcendent and still-unmatched festivities from the '99 All-Star Game, but the only thing missing from making it a complete ripoff was a hitter.net hat atop George Steinbrenner's head.

2. James Posey wants four years? As far as I'm concerned, James Posey gets four years. I won't fault him if he ends up taking more money to join the Hornets, though. Byron Scott's smart, tough team would be an ideal fit for him.

3. Well, I think it's obvious now why few questioned Tampa Bay's decision to take Josh Hamilton over Spring, Texas phenom Josh Beckett in the 1999 MLB Draft. You know a kid has uncommon gifts when he takes off nearly four years to smoke crack, gets his life together, and somehow returns with his immense talent intact. His is a story even ESPN can't overdramatize, though bloviating Chris Berman sure tried his best.

4. With each new Melrose Place-style antic in the A-Rod divorce saga - seriously, he was spying on his wife? - I catch myself wondering how history would be different if he had ended up coming to the Red Sox in the winter of '03. For starters, there's a pretty good chance we'd be whining about a 93-year curse right about now, and it's also worth remembering that the admirable Jon Lester was the Single A pitcher the Sox were sending to Texas along with Manny in exchange for A-Rod. Sometimes the best deals . . .

5. Old friend Steve Solloway paid appropriate tribute to the Official Defunct Minor League Team of TATB with this well-written and melancholy piece on the Maine Guides. Hard to believe they've been gone 20 years. I'd also love to read Steve Buckley's take on the Guides at some point. Back in the day, he was the must-read beat writer for the Press Herald, and some of his best work still occupies a place in my keeper file.

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Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

1. While the Pink Hatters' relentless shrieks when he steps to the plate can get a little annoying in an eardrum-shredding sort of way, it's been nothing but a pleasure to watch Jacoby Ellsbury in his rookie season with the Red Sox. Even with his recent struggles, there's no doubt he's going to be a star here for years to come. But anyone who thinks he, and not Tampa Bay phenom Evan Longoria, is the frontrunner for the AL Rookie of the Year award needs to start watching "Baseball Tonight" once in a while, or at least something other than NESN propaganda. While Ellsbury's batting average is a point higher (.272 to .271) and he obviously blows him away in steals, Longoria has a huge edge in homers (15 to 5), OPS (.874 to .739) and OPS+ (134 to 94), among other categories. Frankly, as much as we admire Ellsbury, the competition and comparison isn't even close. Longoria, coming off a torrid June in which he had a 1.066 OPS, is the superior rookie. I just hope he doesn't show as much in the next few days.

2. The win total (216) is low, and the ERA (3.46) is probably too high, but in the end, yes, I think Curt Schilling will get into the Hall of Fame. He was a crucial-to-heroic contributor on three World Champions, won 11 of 13 postseason decisions, and will be remembered as one of the greatest big game pitchers in the annals of the sport. Thanks to the bloody sock, he may be one of those players whose legend and legacy continue to grow. And while Schilling plays it humble and says he doesn't belong in Cooperstown, I betcha he has a rough draft of his speech already written.

3. So Carlton Fisk is now doing radio spots for "Just For Men" hair color. Funny, after seeing him at RemDawgPalooza the other night, I was pretty sure his dye of choice is Valvoline. We should all look so good at 60, though. (Wait . . . Pudge is 60? Good heavens, where did the time go?)

4. I've long thought Lance Berkman was baseball's most underrated great hitter - his most similar player according to baseballreference.com is David Ortiz - and he only enhanced my opinion of him while tormenting Sox pitching this weekend. But he does have one stat this season that caught even a longtime fan by surprise, and it's not the .363 batting average. Berkman is third on the Astros, behind burner Michael Bourn and Kaz Matsui, with 12 stolen bases. He must be a hell of a savvy baserunner, because he doesn't look like he could take a one-legged Sean Casey in a footrace.

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Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

1. It's not possible to exaggerate it: tonight is set up to be the defining moment of Kevin Garnett's career. A strong individual performance in a Celtics victory would secure his legacy as a champion, as the player whose arrival revived Celtics Pride, and as one of the sport's 25 to 35 all-time greatest players . . . or, should he play as poorly as he did in Game 5, it would only enhance thearguments of those who say he swallows his tongue in the biggest moments, that he'll never be a true superstar because he habitually shrivels in the spotlight. I think I've made clear over the course of this wonderful season how much Garnett his admired around here, and while I'll agree that he does make curious decisions on occasion, I believe wholeheartedly that he will deliver one of his classic 24-point, 15-rebound performances in front of the home crowd tonight. Other than watching Paul Pierce celebrate as a champion, I can't think of another angle I'll enjoy more than the KG redemption.

2. I have to admit, I didn't think the Celtics would miss Kendrick Perkins as much as they did in Game 5, and it's reassuring that he's going to try to give it a go tonight. In his absence, and with KG in foul trouble, Pau Gasol actually asserted himself, which he hasn't done since his mother tried to talk him out of wearing his sister's leotard to school in fourth grade.

3. I guess this means the advertising was effective, because I'm actually curious to see how those NBA split-screen, talking-head commercials end once the Finals are over. Gotta figure it will be Garnett's mug alone, rhapsodizing about winning a championship, followed by Pierce and Ray Allen, right? Oh, and Scal, obviously. Just as long as Larry in a tank top doesn't make another appearance, we should be cool with whatever they come up with.

4. In case you ever catch me offering fantasy baseball advice in this space again, please, remind me that I recommended and coveted these three players at the start of this season: Justin Verlander, Troy Tulowitzki, and Aaron Hill. Yikes - even Bill Bavasi wasn't that inept. I'm just grateful I didn't get any of them, and stumbled into Brandon Webb after Verlander went a few picks earlier.

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Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

1. Because I enjoyed this piece so much, I'm kicking off this post with this week's discovery from the addictive and potentially life-altering SI Vault: A February 5, 1979 story, titled "Flying to the Top," on a certain painfully shy basketball star for Indiana State who was just then arriving on the brink of fame. While the one and only Larry Joe Bird eventually became comfortable in his superstar's skin, revealing a dry, biting sense of humor and proving the son of French Lick was far from a dumb hick, he refused to be interviewed for this story - in fact, he was so media-phobic then that he refused to be interviewed for nearly every story. But even without fresh quotes from the subject, this piece was fascinating. Not only was it frank about part of Bird's appeal having to do with his skin color, but it also revealed some petty jealousies among his less gifted teammates. (Where have you gone, Carl Nicks?) I also got a kick out of this paragraph breaking down his skills:

Southern Illinois Coach Joe Gottfried has said somewhat facetiously of Bird, "If this guy has a weakness, it's that he can't shoot the 20-foot jumper lefthanded." But most pro scouts agree that Bird is not particularly quick, is only so-so on defense and is a bit too reluctant to dribble under pressure. Still, Laker General Manager Bill Sharman calls Bird "one of the best college forwards I have ever seen." And Slick Leonard, coach and general manager of the Pacers, says, "I've seen two great passing forwards in my time. Rick Barry is one, and Larry Bird is the other. Bird seems to see guys before he even gets the ball."

Rick Barry passed? Have to admit, I thought of him as merely a chucker. Anyway, if you're not going to click on the link for the Bird story, then maybe I can entice you with this: Christie Brinkley was on the cover.

2. If I wasn't convinced after his first start, you know I am now: Justin Masterson is going to be a significant factor for this team before the season is through, possibly as the seventh-inning setup man. My only concern with him - and it's a fairly minor one at that - is that his stuff moves so much that it's often out of the strike zone by the time it finds the catcher's mitt.

3. David Ortiz, the last 28 days: .319 average, 1.080 OPS, 8 homers, 21 RBIs in 91 at-bats. Yup, I think it's safe to declare his mystifying season-opening slump officially dead.

4. Last season, Josh Beckett allowed 17 home runs in 200.2 innings. This season, he's coughed up nine already in 54 innings. Should we be worried that he's reverting to his '06 form, when he allowed a league-high 36 in 204.2 innings? Nah, not so soon. Beckett gets a lot of leeway here as a repeatedly proven Legitimate Ace, and I'm still chalking up any mistakes he makes to his delayed start to the season. I'll leave the shrieking to the WEEI crowd for now.

5. My apologies for failing to crank out the usual Starting Five post after the Celtics' Game 1 win over the Pistons Tuesday night. I was in the office, saw the game only in bits and pieces, and returned home to discover I forgot to DVR the thing. I get stupider by the day. Anyway, for once I'm not going to pretend to have any sort of expert take on the game, other than to say I'm more confident than ever that Rajon Rondo can hold his own and then some against the overrated, arrogant, and ailing Chauncey Billups. If Rondo plays the rest of the series like he did Sunday - and I realize that's a major if given how inconsistent he has been in the postseason - the Celtics will have an easier time finishing off schizophrenic Detroit than they did LeBron and the Cavs.

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1. I'll admit, I bought the hype about the new-look Tigers in the offseason, but after catching their act the past few days, I'm beginning to think they're a classic looks-good-on-paper ballclub that has too many crucial flaws to succeed consistently. Jeremy Bonderman (career ERA+: 93) is sadly miscast as a No. 2 starter, the infield defense is brutal, Gary Sheffield (.202) and Pudge Rodriguez (.252) are showing their age, and the bullpen is such a disaster that I expect an infuriated Jim Leyland to put out his cigarette on a relief pitcher's forehead one of these days.

2. I hope Jonathan Papelbon was appropriately scolded for taking out his frustrations last night on the water cooler. If he wants to kick something, he should know to start with Julio Lugo and go from there. Sometimes I can't believe the Sox won a World Series with that high-strung, scatter-armed mediocrity playing shortstop. You'd think he'd have screwed it up along the way.

3. All right, Dice-K, I give up. Just when I think he's on the verge of establishing himself as a legitimate, consistent No. 2 starter, he goes out and coughs up an excruciating five-inning, 109-pitch, eight-walk hairball, ends up with the win anyway, and I end up as perplexed as usual with this ridiculously enigmatic pitcher. And enigmatic is the right word - just look at his stats this season: 5 wins, 0 losses, just 22 hits in 40 innings, a 2.43 ERA, and a 1.20 WHIP. Outstanding, right? Yup . . . until you notice the 33/27 K/BB ratio, which is both alarming and inexcusable. Like I said, I give up. I can't solve this mystery. I'll leave that to John Farrell.

4. I almost feel sorry for Matt Walsh, who it seems to me is about to be exposed as an insecure, scorned braggart who simply wanted to feel more important than he is or ever will be. (The key word there is "almost.") I hope all the Easterbrooks and Kings who have been reveling in this controversy, often at the expense of logic and facts, have their mea culpas ready now that it's apparent that Walsh didn't have anything more than what the Patriots already divulged.

5. The early scouting report on NESN newcomer Heidi Watney: Certainly easier on the eyes than, say, Eric Frede, but in terms of baseball knowledge I suspect she's going to make Tina Cervasio look like Buster Olney. And that's no easy feat.

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(Scout.com photo)

1. We all know it's good policy to give it at least two or three years before ultimately judging an team's draft class - it helps to actually see them play an NFL game first - but at the moment it's easy to be encouraged by the Patriots' picks for two reasons. 1) They added youthful talent at two positions on defense (cornerback, linebacker) where they needed it most. 2) Bill Belichick seemed absolutely giddy - well, for him - during his press conferences the last couple of days, and it's pretty obvious he thinks Jerod Mayo could be a special player.

2. I admire Al Horford's relentless style of play, and if I had a rookie of the year vote, he'd probably get it over inefficient Seattle scorer Kevin Durant. And I don't blame him for getting in Paul Pierce's face at the end of Game 3 - don't you want your young players to play the game with such passion and confidence? That said, I have a feeling he's going to learn a lesson in humility from ol' No. 34 and the rest of the Celtics in Game 4 tonight. Horford may have the game to back up the talk, but I'm fairly certain he picked the wrong hornets' nest to whack with a stick.

3. Call me a Tito Apologist if you must, but I don't blame him at all for leaving Clay Buchholz in during the eighth inning Saturday night, when his spectacular performance was spoiled by Akinori Iwamura's two-run homer. Seems to me the same people who were charbroiling Francona for leaving Buchholz in are the same ones who would be yowling if he pulled him and either Hideki Okajima or Jonathan Papelbon had coughed up the game. The kid was cruising, and he was beaten when a good hitter hit a good pitch. Sometimes that happens.

4. Felger pointed this out on his radio show the other day, and frankly, it terrifies me: According to baseball-reference.com's Similarity Scores, the player most like David Ortiz at ages 25, 29, 30, as well as tied for the most similar through age 31, is Maurice Samuel Vaughn. Now, provided Papi's knee problems aren't worse than we are led to believe, he should have a longer career than Mo, who was doomed at 35 by injuries, his addiction to bacon, and his Foxy Lady lifestyle. But just the thought of Papi suffering a similarly rapid decline is almost enough to make you pop in "Faith Rewarded," just to catch a glimpse of him when all was well.

5. Right about now I'm missing the punchline Devil Rays of Victor Zambrano, Ryan Rupe, Tanyon Sturtze, and 12-3 losses to the Red Sox. This sweep was not a fluke, folks. The Rays are stacked with young talent - the long-term signing of rookie Evan Longoria was brilliant and progressive - and while the Sox should still beat them more often than not, I'm convinced they're the third-best team in the AL East right now. And they'll only get better as their young pitching arrives and develops.

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Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

(AP Photo)

1. Wonder if Pistons fans are aware that Kevin Garnett's good buddy Chauncey Billups advised him, when KG was uncertain if Boston was the right fit, that accepting a deal here would be a wise career move, in part because it would be "easier to win." You have to give Billups credit for being a loyal friend, though should the Celtics bounce the Pistons from the postseason, I wouldn't blame Detroit fans for questioning his loyalty to them.

2. Sure, I admit it. I've hopped aboard the Bruins' playoff bandwagon much in the same way noted college hoops aficionado Bill Simmons suddenly thinks he's some sage combination of Jay Bilas and Pat Forde every March. So take my opinion on this with a whole shaker of salt, but from my mildly informed perspective, it seems like Claude Julien has handled his team brilliantly in this series. Consider: After a gruesome Game 1, he decides his team's only chance of making this a series is to emphasize smart aggression and discipline, so he sits talented softie Phil Kessel. That strategy works for the most part and the Bruins scrap to make it a series, yet they struggle to put the puck in the net, so Julien brings back a clearly motivated Kessel for Game 5. Not only does Kessel (who looks like a young Gary Busey) score a goal, but he tries to do all the little things that he usually avoids. Pretty astute coaching and knowledge of your personnel, I'd say.

3. One more Bruins item: Got a kick out of watching the Montreal "faithful" stream out of Le Ribbit Centre Thursday night after the Bruins took a two-goal lead with about 10 minutes remaining. Who knew those little towels they like to wave were actually white flags? In that sense, the Canadiens fans reminded me quite a bit of Yankees fans, except with a much better command of English.

4. Just can't imagine the Falcons will spend that No. 3 overall pick on BC quarterback Matt Ryan. They've already had Joey Harrington once.

5. Manny's turning Mike Mussina into his personal batting-practice pitcher while crushing the ball like he's 28 again. Papi's hitting like he's possessed by the ghost of Calvin Pickering (until last night, thank goodness). And strangely enough, both developments have left me with the same thought: Man, we've been so lucky to watch these two phenomenal hitters do their thing all these years. Savor it while it lasts, because, damn, is it ever going to be a bummer when it ends.

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