Short hops

Random finds while trying to imitate Tom Brady’s Internet habits…

  • Before last night’s dreadful 13-4 loss in Anaheim, Johnny Damon addressed the rumors that many of us started hearing yesterday afternoon, that he and Roger Clemens had tested positive for steroids.

    “Did he look at you and go, `I have never …'” Mike Timlin said as he pointed his finger, an obvious allusion to Rafael Palmeiro’s stern denial before Congress, writes the Hartford Courant’s David Heuschkel.

    No, but Damon did say he would be more than happy to take a test to prove his innocence. Baseball officials are unsure where the rumor started, but a number of e-mails were circulating in cyberspace yesterday with both names attached.

  • It’s a tad aggravating when the local morning sports show on WEEI, with Mike Adams and Steve DeOssie subbing in anticipation of the Rolling Stones’ show this weekend at Fenway Park, starts to discuss the best bands of all time, and mentions Journey, while calling The Grateful Dead one of the worst of all time. Wow. Not exactly your top candidates to be delving into such a discussion for sure. Might as well have Lindsey Lohan as a guest host on The Barefoot Contessa. Homer Simpson wants to know where Grand Funk Railroad fits into the equation.
  • The New York Daily News’ Mike Lupica looks at how the Yankees might say so long to manager Joe Torre if they don’t make the playoffs. If it happens it would be the worst baseball firing in the last 10 years at least. (Actually we have to go 13 since I still have a problem with the Joe Morgan for Butch Hobson swap.)

    Blame Torre for bringing in Jaret Wright and an ancient Randy Johnson. Blame Torre for throwing millions at Carl Pavano. Blame Torre for thinking that the bullpen as constituted would do just fine, no matter how badly it broke down last October. Blame Torre for the shell of a player that is Bernie Williams. Blame Torre for not having Carlos Beltran to replace him. Blame Torre for Kevin Brown. Blame Torre for Tim Redding. Blame Torre for Alan Embree.

    If anything, Torre should get an extension for what he’s done with these losers. It’s Brian Cashman that should go. We said it last October, and we’ll say it again. Cashman may very well succeed elsewhere, but it’s not going to be in New York any longer under George Steinbrenner’s watch. Especially not in this mess.

  • Humorous post on sportsfilter.com this week. “I wonder if Tara Reid will show up in a goat outfit now.”
  • With all due respect to Tecmo and the floating knuckler Bret Saberhagen wishes he had in real life, it’s NHL ’94. End of discussion.
  • My God, who are these people?

    “STEVE ERHARDT is a man in search of perfection. A virtual human ‘Ken’ doll, the celebrity hairstylist and makeup artist has undergone approximately 30 cosmetic surgeries and subsequent maintenance and has spent close to $250,000 out of his own pocket to achieve his current look.”

    Take a look at this guy’s mug. It’s hideous. In fact, I bet he could recoup his money by charging people NOT to look at it. We can only assume the anatomically ambiguous Ken dolls apply here as well. Or we hope before breeding crosses this freak’s mind.

  • The San Fran Chronicle’s Ray Ratto checks in to dispute our claim that he “laid into” Baltimore fans for saluting Rafael Palmeiro upon his return. In fact, what he said was that Oakland fans were even more gracious than Orioles fans when Baltimore played by the Bay earlier this week. Duly noted. (Not that there’s anything wrong with laying into Orioles fans though for their laissez faire welcome last weekend.) Ratto is one of the left coast’s best, and we regret the portrayal.
  • Sticking in the Bay Area, interesting Q&A with Oakland lefty Barry Zito in today’s Oakland Tribune:

    Q: You’re either doing less musically during the season, or it’s less publicized. Is that the case? And if so, is that intentional?

    A: A little. Nobody has really asked me about it, I guess. I would play the Ale House sometimes, maybe those things would happen, which I don’t do anymore. I don’t want to be the token ballplayer that has a guitar in his hands. I take it more serious than that. I like to pursue it more professionally. I’m still writing and learning a lot of jazz stuff lately. I just go inside my cave.

    Hmm. Et, tu, Mr. Arroyo?

  • And still sticking on the right side of the Bay, Susan Slusser of the Chronicle speaks with A’s outfielder Jay Payton, he of the hissy fit with Terry Francona. “People had no idea what I had to do to get here,” Payton told Slusser. “They thought I should shut up and be happy. But all I wanted to do was play.”

    Payton is playing well in Oakland (nine homers and 25 RBIs in just 28 games), and one can understand his desire to play every day. That being said, his exit from Boston was not handled with any discernable amount of grace on his part.

  • Perhaps it’s time to lighten up on the Todd Bertuzzi incident indeed, as even Steve Moore’s teammates on the Avalanche are saying it’s time to move on. Alex Tanguay even takes it further.

    “I wish he could be playing in Colorado with me,” he said.

    Those are some surprising words to be sure. If these guys are willing to forgive and forget, the fans probably should be, too. Moore, however, still has a civil suit pending against Bertuzzi, Brad May (now remarkably with Colorado), Canucks general manager Brian Burke, Canucks coach Marc Crawford, and the Vancouver organization.

  • The Globe’s Steve Morse gets some of the Red Sox’ reaction to the Stones playing on their home turf and asks them what the best tune by Mick and Co. is. Jerry Remy goes with “Satisfaction.” Larry Lucchino says it’s “Get Off of My Cloud,” while Trot Nixon and Johnny Damon admit they’re not too keen on the Stones.

    And, for the record, it’s “Gimmee Shelter.”

  • Frank Deford lets us know that kickball is back in vogue. Excellent. A well-deserved comeback. Let me slap on the Kangaroos and meet ya at the park.
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