Soap Net

You’ve got to give the Yankees this: They certainly do not disappoint.

Their fans may cry a different story, of course, their beloved, little juggernaut falling 14½ games behind the Red Sox in the AL East. But for the rest of us, they are a gold mine of dysfunction.

What do you like? Jason Giambi’s performance enhancement controversy? Predicting when Joe Torre gets the ax? Joining the search for George Steinbrenner?

How about Alex Rodriguez, busted by the New York Post in Toronto with a buxom blonde who doesn’t happen to be his wife? Oops.


“The cozy duo dined with two pals at a pricey steakhouse late Sunday night,” writes Dan Mangan, “then headed to a glitzy strip club before making their way to his hotel, where the pair ducked into an elevator and headed upstairs just after midnight.”
Then there’s the little matter of Roger Clemens, who appeared ornery in his postgame press conference the other night, partly because the man is pushing 45, partly because the realization is finally setting in that he signed up for this mess. Well, today Debbie Clemens tells the Post’s Kevin Kernan that we should all lay off Roger and the special treatment he gets.

“It would be better for him to get his rest than to be flying on a plane and getting in at 5 in the morning,” Debbie said. “You are not going to get the best performance out of him that way. It doesn’t make any sense. So it’s not really about giving him something special or anything like that. People don’t really know.
“It’s being smart. It’s being able to make the adjustments needed to be able to pitch,” she said. “It benefits everybody, not just Roger. The Astros didn’t mind at all. It was to benefit all; it was not just to benefit Roger Clemens, it’s to benefit everybody.”

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See, it’s not just about what’s best for Roger, it’s about what’s best for everybody. Why can’t we just understand this?
As if the Yankees needed to make their fall all the more enjoyable for everybody else, they keep finding ways. And for that, we certainly thank them.

  • I’m a bit confused by Gary “It was all made up, done for PR” Thorne’s latest column in the Bangor Daily News. Not only does the byline say, “Larry Mahoney,” (Edit: Pat Spekhardt at Maine’s WZON-AM alerts us that it is indeed Mahoney’s piece, not Thorne’s) but he… well, here’s the lede:

    Next time you go to the grocery store, take an empty bakery bag up to the register and when the cashier asks you what you have in the bag, say “doughnut holes.” (Wouldn’t a doughnut hole be just plain air?)
    Or when you take a gallon of milk up to the register and they ask you if you’d like your milk in a bag, say, “Heck no, wouldn’t it all run out?”
    Or stand in the aisle staring at the Scotch tape and say “I can’t find the invisible tape.”
    What do these grocery store pranks have to do with the Boston Red Sox and Cindy Blodgett?
    Absolutely nothing.

    OK. Well then, seems like the perfect launching point for this column, doesn’t it?

  • From the Worcester Telegram:

    Most New England baseball fans know about that invisible line just south of Hartford that divides Red Sox Nation from the dominion of the Evil Empire.
    But let’s be honest.
    There are pockets of rabid Yankee fans all over, and apparently the College of the Holy Cross has been flush with its share of pinstripe lovers.
    Locals have always perceived there’s been a New York-New Jersey connection to Mount St. James.
    That was made quite apparent at the school’s commencement exercises last Friday.
    In talking about shared experiences, valedictorian Patrick Gavin recalled that fateful night in October 2003 when students and faculty huddled around television sets on campus and watched two-bit Yankee hitter Aaron Boone sail an 11th-inning Tim Wakefield pitch out of the stadium, thus handing the Bronx Bombers the American League Championship.
    Incredibly, Mr. Gavin’s reference to the crushing Red Sox defeat drew thunderous applause from the 6,000 attending the ceremonies at Fitton Field.
    For a second or two, Mr. Gavin, a Norwood resident and apparent Sox fan who studied theater and history at the Cross, seemed taken aback.
    When he mentioned the Olde Towne Team coming back the next year to win its first World Series in 86 years, there was a smattering of applause and hollers.
    Well, now we know.

    And here I thought this had become part of the registration process.

  • Weren’t you just overly ecstatic witnessing the taping of “Sox Appeal” last night? I’m sure the folks sitting in that general area, who paid $100 for their tickets really must have enjoyed the intrusion of the cameras and such. And, forgive me, but wasn’t this supposed to be a dating show with Red Sox fans? What kind of fans show up to a game and sit with their back to the action? Am I alone in this general confusion? Call Roger Loge. Only he can save this. Maybe.
  • What’s more astounding in this fantastically retro commercial: How skinny Roger Clemens is, or the fact that the sorry excuse for a special effect actually made it past the NESN bosses?
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