Cut it out, now

The hair.

You can’t escape it, like a daily, pestering Sam-I-Am that refuses to go away.

I do not, could not, will not care. I do not care about Tom Brady’s hair.

I know it’s crazy, but I really don’t give a flying Vidal Sassoon about Brady’s hair. The man has long locks that have become the pivotal subject during this NFL season, ripe material for any hackneyed quip artist to make a remark (I’m looking at you, Leno), and now they’re back in our lives after news “broke” that Brady visited a hair specialist. Boston.com has a 17-page photo slideshow of the man’s evolving hairstyles. As of this morning, 120 people “liked” this on Facebook. These are 120 people I never want to meet.

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“Fox and Friends” just did a segment this morning about whether or not the hair was real. Mark Nov. 30, 2010 in your calendar as the day America officially got dumber, which is quite the feat in the shadow of Black Friday. Reporters in New York, in preparation for Monday’s huge showdown between the Jets and Patriots, actually asked players about Brady’s hair. Next thing you know, “60 Minutes” will interview the hair.

I just did a Twitter search for “Tom Brady hair” and discovered some disturbing results. First, do you realize just how many handles use Bieber as their profile picture? Second, every teenybopper in range of a laptop is tweeting about Brady’s hair, particularly with this latest controversy that has landed upon us. I then hopped over to the message boards on PatsFans.com, where there was some interesting analytical discussion about the Patriots’ offense comparative to 2007. It was like walking into a heated lodge on a bitter winter morning.

But hey, that’s just me. If you’e into the whole hair thing, please accept my apology with images of puppies in Patriots jerseys.