A Super Bowl in Foxborough? Worst. Idea. Ever.

Let’s play word association, shall we?

Foxborough. Red Wing Diner. Super Bowl.

Which word doesn’t belong?

OK, so technically the Red Wing is in Walpole, but like it would matter if Bob Kraft got his way and the National Football League’s annual tribute to itself graced this area. If Providence would have to swallow its pride to “Be Boston,” certainly the likes of Walpole, Norwood, Braintree, and….Hartford (?) could be part of “Super Bowl Boston.” Right?

Please.

All due respect to colleague Ben Volin’s argument as to why it work here, but the simple fact is that a Super Bowl here is on par with the stupidity of the folks who really (truly) believe the Olympics should spread their rings into Logan Airport. Such a venture would cripple the city from a traffic perspective (just what you want!), and ruin its reputation for being able to attract further events that the city could, you know, handle.

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The Super Bowl? It just can’t.

We’re not going to compare Jacksonville to Boston, of course, because that would be like trying to convince outsiders the capital of Massachusetts is Holyoke. But the Hub simply can’t handle this. Jacksonville is annually ridiculed as the worst place the NFL decided to hold its title game, and it’s a valid argument. Houston was worse, but that’s a discussion for a different time,

How Kraft and other rah rah’s can possibly think a Super Bowl is a good idea here is beyond me, Gillette Stadium can barely handle the rush of 70,000 fans on any given Sunday. Like it can handle the eyes of the world?

And let’s be frank; the criticism?

It’s not exactly like Kraft’s palace is on par with cold weather stadiums like MetLife in New Jersey and Heinz Field in Pittsburgh. Yes, he spared taxpayers the borderline illegal burden of having to support an arena, as many other suckers have succumbed to. But really, Gillette is a second-rate NFL stadium.

Oh, the area around is great. If you want to buy some duds at Old Navy and a burger at Five Guys. The stadium though? It kinda sucks.

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But that’s the least of concerns with a “Boston” Super Bowl. As Volin noted, 35,000 hotel rooms are the norm for any city under NFL consideration. To make that quota. the Super Bowl committee would have to convince the NFL that hotels would be available outside of 495 and into Providence, which would share the hosting duties without any of the credit.

Great. Like they already don’t hold Curt Schilling against us.

We can make an argument for the Winter Olympics in New England (fewer sports than the Summer Games; spread it out toward Maine, New Hampshire, and Vermont), but there’s nothing to be said about the dream of a Summer Games here sometime in the future. Boston simply does not have the infrastructure, the curse that you live with when you’re one of the birthplaces of this country. It’s too old. Too small. Too ornery. ‘

It would transpire into two weeks of traffic hell like you’ve never imagined, with media and athlete personnel receiving police escorts throughout the city. How’s that grab you? That might work for the greater good in whatever suckup city the NFL decides to take over (yes, even New York), but in Boston, it would go over as well as a Roberto Luongo fart at a funeral.

A Super Bowl might be a nuisance elsewhere. In Boston, it’d be show-stopper.

The show being your life.

If Kraft insists on showing off his privately-financed stadium to the world, then a Super Bowl will indeed happen here within the next two decades. One could argue that Gillette could undergo a major transformation by then, with escalators (gasp!) and a new avenue that eschews Route 1.

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It takes a Super Bowl to get that done?

No. No, no, no, no, no. A Super Bowl simply won’t work here, and would be a force-fed present to one of the NFL’s binkies in Kraft. To think it is a good idea is either sucking up or not possessing any idea of the lives south of Milton.

Boston will never host the Super Bowl. It will never welcome the Olympics.

Is there anything wrong with that?

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