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TSA looks to speed things up by color-coding airport lines

Posted by Paul Makishima, Globe Assistant Sunday Editor  February 26, 2008 01:30 PM

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Dude, it'll never work in Boston.
The TSA (it's like Pavlov: I feel like I should shed my shoes and empty my pockets) is testing a system in Denver and Salt Lake City in an effort to speed security lines at airports: color-coded lanes.
How does it work? Think skiing. Green circle for beginners (families or those needing special assistance), blue squares for intermediates (a casual traveler, perhaps, but one who's been around the block a couple of times -- although never without multiple carry-ons), and black diamonds for experts (Special Forces in Gray Flannel camo with limited carry-ons and the rules of engagement with liquids, gels, laptops. and footwear tattooed on the insides of eyelids).
Basically, you decide which lane is for you, and in theory it makes the process more efficient and less stressful.
Earl Morris of TSA says that the tests are working well and that they will be completed in about a week in Denver, but that Salt Lake City will continue for the foreseeable future. He says the agency will look at possibly expanding it.
But let me be on the record first: It will never work here. Know why? Because here everyone would queue up as black diamond until it filled up and then the wise guys would start trying to speed the green one like a breakdown lane on the Expressway at rush hour. While yammering on the Bluetooth. And cursing. Never mind the new hand gestures the kids would learn.

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