Teenager has questions about masturbation
Parental warning: Sexually explicit language follows.
Dear Beth:
This is something I am too embarrassed to ask or tell my parents about. They think that masturbating is wrong and that it hurts you both emotionally and physically. I, myself, masturbate often and find this hard to believe since I get pleasure out of it. The thing that bothers me is that I usually get intense orgasms. Is this supposed to happen? I'm 15.
WANTS TO KNOW
Yes, it is exactly what is supposed to happen. Pleasurable stimulation builds, causing muscle tension and the feeling of sexual excitement, until there is a sudden series of muscle contractions along the penis or through the vagina, clitoris, and pelvic area. It lasts about 10 seconds in most people. Orgasms are healthy and usually feel wonderful.
I'm sorry you can't talk to your parents about this. (Unfortunately, it sounds like you don't have comprehensive sex education at your school, either.) Masturbation is still a difficult topic to discuss because some adults, like your parents, believe it is wrong. Some religions preach against it. In addition, masturbation is about sexual enjoyment, an issue many are not comfortable talking about openly. But of all the sexual practices, masturbation is the safest and leads to the least amount of problems for young people.
Doctors and public health professionals agree that masturbation, when conducted in private, is completely normal and healthy. It's a way of giving yourself pleasure and relieving sexual tensions without a partner, which is particularly helpful for teenagers who often feel pressured to have sex. It helps young people wait until they are more mature and really ready for the responsibilities of sex.
Masturbation is also the best way to get to know your own body's sexual responses. Learning what you like and how your body responds will enhance your sexual experience later when you are with a partner. This is particularly important for females, who almost always need clitoral stimulation in order to have an orgasm. Although masturbation is private and people don't talk about it much, it is frequently a positive part of a person's relationship with himself or herself. Almost everybody masturbates at some point.
You are becoming an adult and making your own choices. Each person weighs his or her family's and his or her own experiences, beliefs, and education to determine his or her own practices. Ask your parents to explain their beliefs further -- you don't have to tell them yours, but just listen to their views. ''Changing Bodies, Changing Lives: A Book for Teens on Sex and Relationships" offers useful information without telling you what to do or how to feel.
Beth can be reached at askbeth@globe.com.
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