It's your party!
Should it be a night of raucous debauchery or an intimate celebration with friends? While bachelor and bachelorette parties are traditionally celebrated with members of the same sex, some spouses-to-be are treating their "last night of freedom" as a chance to gather with friends of both sexes. Kate M. Jackson explores the idea of co ed bachelor/bachelorette parties in today's Style & Arts section. By including both sexes, some say, the original definition of a bachelor/ bachelorette party is blurred. Others contend the pre-wedding ritual is exclusionary. On a Boston.com message board, the topic generated a good amount of interest. The following are a few of the postings:
No way! Despite efforts to say differently, men and women are different. A bachelor/bachelorette party is about celebrating with your same sex and connecting over experiences you share as a member of that sex. If you have platonic opposite - sex friends, then have another party, but bachelor/bachelorette parties should be single-sex!
-- Heather Bain, Carver
When one of my college friends was getting married and the best man was not "planning to do anything special," I put together the bachelor party for him. The plan was to play a round of golf, drink at the clubhouse, move to another bar for more drinks , and then head out for some food. We were going to finish the night at a billiards parlor. . . . The bride got involved . . . and turned the entire thing into a bachelor/bachelorette party. This turned out to be the most pansy event I have ever been to. I tried like hell to derail her plans, but she managed to ruin all attempts. . . . I will always remember how awful the event turned out to be. The girls were yapping about God knows what, and the guys were huddled in the corner talking to each other. It was clear to the guys that this was not how it was supposed to be going down.
-- Joseph Russo, Maynard
I think the biggest problem with bachelor/bachelorette parties is the idea that this is your last night of freedom before the shackles of matrimony get slapped on. That may have been a reasonable idea when people lived at home with mommy and daddy until they were married, but in the present day most people live on their own for several years before they get married, or if they're smart live with the person for a while before jumping into a marriage blind. Perhaps the problem isn't so much with the ``tradition" of a crazy night out with your friends, but with the idea that once you're married everything you enjoyed about your previous life goes down the drain. . . . I'm getting married in the fall, and I'm not bothering to have a bachelor party . . . . Get a grip and marry someone who shares your dark side and make every night for the rest of your life a party.
-- David Marchione, Somerville
It really depends on what kind of party you're having. I have a bunch of guy friends from college that I would definitely invite to my bachelorette party because they are part of my group of close friends. You would have to have a fiancé who trusted you and felt secure enough in the relationship not to be threatened by guy friends . . . vice versa for men.
-- sukeyann
Depends on the people. I agree that a lot is celebrating with your same gender, but on the other hand, I myself (a heterosexual woman) went to a bachelor party! I've known the groom since kindergarten and the bride since sixth grade. The theme was ``where the men are men and so are the women"! My girlfriend (who was also invited) and I wore suits and ties and Groucho Marx glasses and m ustaches (an added plus since the groom was a big Marx Brothers fan), and the bride jumped out of the cake! It was a blast.
-- Ash
We didn't do either a bachelorette or bachelor party for a number of reasons. Instead we all partied at a bar after the wedding. Seriously, I almost never hang out with ``just the girls," so a bachelorette party would have just felt artificial. Many of my good friends are male, and many of his good friends are female.
-- ridley1
I got married about six months ago and was going to have a low-key bachelor party with just my best man. We were going to go out to eat, go to a strip club , and perhaps talk about our past. When my best man showed up at my fiancée's apartment . . . he invited her just out of common courtesy. . . . I didn't think she was going to say yes, but she did. We ended up going to a good restaurant, but we did not go to a strip club or talk about the things we would have talked about if my wife was not there. I would highly recommend not doing a coed bachelor party.
-- Tommy74
Have a co ed party if you'd like, but call it what it is -- a ``party" . . . not a bachelor(ette).
-- WickedHonest(itny_toy)
Too much liberal nonsense. Girls go one way, guys go the other way. That is the whole point, otherwise it is not a bachelor party, and it's a guy who caved in to his fiancé e . . . . Bachelor parties as we imagine them are a myth. They're never as good as you hope they will be, and you always end up disappointed.
-- bakala_2000
My husband and I had a joint bachelor/bachelorette party, a decision we made equally. We have a lot of couple friends and found this to be the easiest to include everyone. Also, with the stress of planning a wedding and sometimes the arguments that come out of bachelorette/bachelor parties gone wrong, it seemed easier to handle, rather than starting out a marriage with doubts of what happened at the parties. We went out to one establishment and the boys hung out, the girls hung out , and we ended the night together. . . . No regrets!
-- animalservant
