Wedding chat transcript

Wedding planner Alexis Eliopoulos O'Mara advised Boston.com readers Tuesday on where to have a wedding, how much it costs, and how to ask somebody else to pay for it.

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: Hi, my name is Alexis Eliopoulos O'Mara. I am the owner of Unique Weddings by Alexis in Boston. I will be chatting for the next hour about wedding planning. Please pardon my spelling and typos throughout this chat, I prefer to type quickly to answer as many questions as possible and not worry about spelling errors.

simplebride: I'm trying to plan a very small wedding -about 25 people. I would like to get married in a park and then go to a nice restaurant afterwards with everyone for an intimate dinner. I belong to a large Colombian community in Boston. I'm worried about offending anyone. How can I avoid this or approach the subject?

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: When you choose a venue that has a small capacity, this is always an excellent excuse as to why you need to limit your guest list.

JS: Is marriage the right move for my relationship?

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: This is a very important question that should be adddressed prior to any wedding plans. A wonderful person you could speak to about your feelings is Allison from Emotionally Engaged right here in the Greater Boston area. She specializes in helping brides-to-be with their emotions and mental state during the wedding plannign process.

funny_guy: Hi Alexis. I just got engaged. We're thinking of a summer '08 wedding, and we want to do it relatively cheaply but in the city. Any ideas/advice?

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: Congratulations! If you want to stick to a budget, that is the best thing to work on first. Sit down and decide what you can spend, who else is planning to help you (parents, etc.) and what items are priority for you....

simplebride: How much time is needed to prepare for smaller weddings? Mine is going to have about 25 people... so I'm wondering how far in advance do I need to book a restaurant?

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: Your largest expenses are always the catering and the venue. So keep this in mind when you are beginning to look for that perfect place to host your wedding. Do not overspend here thinking you can make up for it someplace else. I have seen too many couples start out over budget and want to cancel the wedding a few months beforehand from all the money-related stress.

Ricardo_Montalbon: I think I want way more grooms people than my fiance wants bridesmaids. How do we coordinate?

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: No problem, this is the trend now. Only asking the freinds/family you want to be a part of the special day, not the right number to fill spots. The only time this is really an issue is during the ceremony reccessional. Have the Best Man go first, then couple up the rest. Or have all the girls recess, then the guys.

Horatio: Any advice for getting married down the Cape?

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: The Cape is a wonderful area for a wedding, at anytime of the year. There are some wonderful venues on the Cape, but keep in mind that even though they often have a casual, beachy feel, they are not less expensive than city venues. There are many wonderful vendors on the Cape, you may be lucky enough to find the perfect photographer, caterer, videographer, hair stylists, etc. all over the bridge...

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: But if you are looking for live musicians (band) you many want to bring them in from Boston.

simplebride: How do I approach asking my parents and my soon to be in-laws for money for the wedding? I've been engaged for 13 months and they have not offered anything yet...

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: Suggest that you host a dinner to discuss wedding plans. Maybe invite each set of parents on a different night to have a more candid converstation with each. Let them know what your budget to spend is and tell your parents that the number of guests they would like to invite will have to be ket to a minimum b/c of your limited budget. You can also straight out ask if they are able to contribute to the wedding, the honeymoon or the dress, etc.

Kansas_City_Justin: Hey Al, my sister is getting married in NYC next month. her fiance's family is Russian and they don't speak much English. I will need to make a toast and want to show respect to his family. How is this best accomplished? Should I get my toast translated, or ask my brother-in-law to do it as I go along? Thanks, JS

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: Hiring an interpreter or enlistng the help of a relative that is fluent in both languages (other than groom) would be a wonderful and thoughtful gesture. It would be very appreciated by the B&G and the groom's family.

waiting: Any advice on hiring a planner for a wedding that will be held 1,300 miles away from where the engaged couple currently resides? I'm a very organized person, and not sure what "boundaries" this would place on my control.

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: I think the best way to hire a planner for a destination wedding is to find a planner local to the reception. They will have the best relationships with the local vendors and be able to do all the legwork that you cannot do since you are so far away...

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: Depending on where the destination is, there are also some wonderful planners that focus only on destination weddings that could be very helpful to you. Meeting the planner face-to-face at least once before the wedding would be very helpful. If you cannot meet the planner prior to hiring them, ask for a photo and bio before a long chat on the phone so at least you have a face with the name. And always visit the venue (and venue coordinator) at least once prior to the wedding weekend.

Bridesmaid4: I am not a fan of the old fashioned wording on invitations. How do you suggest wording the invitations so that all appropriate parties are included, but it doesn't appear that the bride is being "given away" to her soon-to-be husband?

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: One of my favorite sites has some great suggestions: VerseIt.com. Also check out wording options in the fron tof the wedding invitation books.

mainebride07: Any advice for affordable yet practical favors? We are having ~150 guests and want to keep this cost down.

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: Plant/flower seeds in custom made envelopes/packets are inexpensive and very thoughtful. A donation to your favorite charity instead of favors has become very popular.

flaBride: My fiance's father has no money for a rehearsal dinner. However, back when he did have money, he paid for the dinners for his older brothers and sisters. Is it tacky to ask the brothers and sisters to throw us a dinner?

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: Unfortunately, yes. Though he was very generous with his family, they would need to step up and offer. You could plan for a very small dinner, immediate family only and do not allow dates. If any of his sibilings ask if they can bring someone, you can explain how tight the budget is and unless they had some outside help, you would have to say no. Maybe they would get the hint.

paul: I'm getting married in Summer of '08. Any advice on some nice, cheap places for a summer wedding?

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: Check out TheKnot.com for some great venue options. If you need to stick to a strict budget, spend a little money on a wedding consultant to have them put together a list for you that only suggests venues in your budget, with the right capacities and in your preferred geographic area. Planners do a lot of services a la carte and can often help couples that have tighter budgets.

simplebride: I'm looking for a small venue for 25-30 people... where do you suggest I look? I was thinking somewhere in the North End. How do I approach this search?

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: Restaurants with private rooms are a great place to start. Also consider what I just wrote for my last answer, work with a planner to get a list of recommended venues to you that fit exactly what you are looking for. Also look up places that advertise for rehearsal dinner venues, they would be the right size for your wedding, depending on if you want dancing or not.

Jen: Any thoughts/comments on interfaith ceremonies? I'm Catholic...he's Jewish

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: Have fun with it! I work on weddings like this all the time. Most decide to have the ceremony outside, under a tent, at the reception venue or in a chapel where all religions are welcome. You can find fantastic officiants in the Boston area that can combine certain aspects of both religious ceremonies to personalize one just for the two of you. Some couples do choose to do two ceremonies, one in each house of worship, but they do not always do both on the day of the wedding.

simplebride: What's a good wedding budget for a 25-30 person wedding? (including honeymoon and rings?)

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: This is tough to say not knowing if you want live music at the reception, will you travel overseas or in the US for your honeymoon, does the ring budget include the engagement ring? If I had to take a stab in the dark, I'd say $15,000.

simplebride: I'd like to get married in the Public Garden... but chairs and music are not allowed. Would it be okay if I had my 25-30 guests sit down? I was thinking about grabbing some large fancy pillows and putting down blankets - is this appropriate? How could I make this work?

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: I would suggest, if it is allowed, to do a very short 10 to 15 minute ceremony and just have all the guests stand.

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: In response to the question about how far in advance to plan for a small 25 person wedding- I would say 6 months. If in the middle of the summer in Boston, maybe even a little longer.

bostonbride: We are just starting to plan our wedding, and will be paying for it on our own. In your best estimate, what does a modest, but nice, wedding cost in the metro-Boston area for around 150 guests? Thanks!

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: I wrote a big long response to this question, but it doesn't look like it went through! Here it is again: This is tricky to answer. The national average is around $28,000 (for 125 guests), but Boston has a much higher cost of living than average USA. The average for Boston is more like $35,000 - $40,000 (for 125 guests). The modest, but elegant weddings I work on are in the range from $40,000 t0 $70,00 for 100 to 175 guests. You can easily spend upwards of $100,000 without going overboard if you had that kind of money to spend.

simplebride: $15,000?! Geez how much would a 150 person wedding be estimated to cost? My fiance and I are young professionals trying to do *something* for a wedding. How do people with a budget ever get married with estimates this high?

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: Honeymoons average $4,000 to $5,000 and that was included. If you take a car trip to someplace close and stay at a great B&B off-season, you can spend just a fraction of this. Also live music - bands are at minimum $2,500 for 4 hours, if you go with a DJ, then you could spend only $1,000 to $1,500 for entertainment. It's all in what you select. Dresses range for a few hundered to the national average of over $1,500. The national average for an engagemnt ring is $4,200. It all adds up quickly depending on what you select to do.

kmbr: how do you suggest picking where to have a wedding? my fiance and myself live in the south, which is where my fiance's family is from. I'm from MA, which is where my family all lives. I would love to get married in my church at home, but weddings are SO much cheaper in the south that I'm tempted to have it here. How should I pick?

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: Budget will play a huge factor. If you want what you want for certain things (live music, gourmet food, amazing photography, etc.) than you may have to select the city where you can get all those things without compromising your style or breaking the bank. If you want to have your ceremony in your church, but can live without TONS of flowers, the most expensive photographer, love casual fun food, and DJs, than have your wedding around your home church so you do not have to sacrifice one of the most important aspects of your wedding. It's all about what matters to you most. Planning long distance can be hard too, but help from your mom, sister or a planner could greatly ease that stress.

apples_and_veggies: What is considered too far in advance to start planning? We're engaged, but for time reasons, not saying "I dos" until 2009.

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: That is a little far out there, but you will have the best pick of dates at your first choice venue! I say go for the venue selection right away and then you can take a big break in the planning. Some photographers, bands, caterers, etc. Do not even have their 2009 prices ready for the public yet adn may not even what to book that far in advance. Start looking for your dress at 18 months out and order 9 to 12 months prior to the wedding. But don't look to much now, you may see a drastic change in styles over the next two years adn not love your selection as much if yo order that too early.

travelplanner: Hi- my future husband and I are lucky enough to have family paying for the wedding- we want to take a one in a life time honeymoon- any tips?

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: From my experience and feedback from the couples I work with: Greek Islands, Australia, Italy, Paris, Fiji, Virgin Islands, Barbados, Bermuda, Mexico and the always traditional, but universaly loved, Hawaii.

Robin: My daughter just got engaged and is planning on a wedding in summer/early fall of 2008. How soon should we try to book a restaurant?

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: Between now and June of 2007 would be the best timing. Venues are booking out on average 18 months in the Greater Boston area (Cape, Newport and other popular local destinations as well)

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: Time is up! I was enjoying the chat so much, I lost track of time. We should have ended 10 minutes ago! I hope I was able to help some of you with your questions. Best of luck to all you brides and grooms-to-be and your supportive families!

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: Thank you for your time today.

Alexis_Eliopoulos_O_Mara: Alexis