Face the problem as a family

At about 9 and 10 years old, many overweight youngsters drop out of team sports because they feel awkward and clumsy. This is prime time for weight to accumulate. Find an activity to do as a family: hiking, biking, walking.

Don't assume your school-age child isn't being teased just because she doesn't tell you. Young children often don't. They're ashamed, or they accept it as the way things are. Your job is to make the subject talkable. Ask about gym, where teasing most likely occurs, but also be pointed: ''Some kids who are heavy get teased. Has that ever happened to you?''

If you know teasing is happening, be objective enough to see if he's part of the problem. Is he good at reading social cues, for instance? Studies show that social inappropriateness for some overweight children can be traced to a lack of boundaries at home around food issues, such as being able to eat whenever they want rather than eating on a schedule.

Arm your young child with some practical coping skills to defend against teasing, such as self-statements (''I don't have to listen, I can walk away'') or mental imagery (''I'm like Superman. I can make these words bounce off my chest.'').

Starting when a child is young, it's as important to teach him how to eat (only when you are hungry, not just because it's there, and only at regularly scheduled times) as it is what to eat (a balance among the five food groups).

The overweight child who has the best shot of making healthy changes is one who achieves success in some area of life. That sense of confidence spills over: ''I'm someone who can get something done. I can be in control of my weight, too.''

Sometimes, well-meaning extended family members say hurtful things, like a grandparent who says in a stage whisper, ''I thought she was trying to lose weight...'' Stand up to it in front of your child: ''Dad, our whole family is trying to be more healthy. Saying things like that isn't helpful. Please don't.''

Tell your child explicitly, ''I love you no matter what size you are.'' Remind her periodically of her strengths.