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Barbara F. Meltz writes the Globe's Child Caring column. She is author of "Put Yourself in Their Shoes, Understanding How Your Children See the World," and a frequent speaker to parent groups. Join her chat on the first and third Monday of the month at noon.
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March 31, 2007
What about biting?
Many women who nurse (and certainly observers of those moms) can't imagine nursing an older child because they have, well, teeth. Yes, a teething infant probably will clamp down on the nipple and, yes, it will hurt. If you handle it appropriately the first time or two, says Norma Jane Bumgarner, author of "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler," it likely won't happen again: Don't laugh, scream or cry. Pull the baby in toward the breast, to cause her to open her mouth wider and release, and say firmly, "No biting." The second time it happens, have a teething toy handy and tell her, "OK, I guess you're done now," or, "I guess you want to teethe." And give her the toy.
What does it mean to have a "code word"?
One way mothers avoid potentially uncomfortable scrutiny in public is to find some substitute way for a child to refer to nursing so strangers don't know he's asking for the breast. Three-year-old Sam calls it "Mi" (pronounced "me"). He's been known to tell his mother, "I want STAT Mi." His mom is a physician.
What's with that top hand?
Old habits die hard so if your infant starts off stroking your breast with his top hand, he may still be stroking in 2-years. What's cute on an infant may not be so cute on a toddler.....So: Once he's old enough to be distracted, guide his hand to something else, like a nursing necklace.
What if my older child gets teased?
Teasing is rare; young children typically don't go around sharing personal feeding habits. On the other hand, that doesn't mean it never happens. If a child tells you, "Brian says I'm a baby because I still nurse," ask her, "What do you think?" If she says yes, then say, "Well, maybe it's time for us to stop. What do you think?" If a child asks, "How come grandma doesn't like me to nurse?" a good answer might be, "Grandma did things differently when I was a baby. Every family is different. What do you think about nursing?"
Is it OK to nurse during pregnancy?
Yes, although pregnancy is often a time of weaning because the supply of milk decreases and the milk typically gets a little salty, prompting one preschooler to tell her mom, "It's yukky milk." Nursing during pregnancy can also be uncomfortable. On the other hand, some women report nursing straight through with no difficuilty.
What about nursing two children?
It's called tandem nursing and there's no reason not to if you want to and your child does, too. Be sure the newborn gets first dibs at each breast, however, so he is getting the colostrum, the most nutritious milk. The older child is generally nursing for comfort, not for nutrition. Mara Rest, who nursed through pregnancy, says her older son would hold the baby's hand while they nursed together. "It helped them bond," she says. Naomi Bar-Yam of the Mass. Breastfeeding Coalition recommends these books on tandem nursing: "Adventures on Tandem Nursing, Breastfeeding During Pregnancy and Beyond" by Hilary Flower; "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" by Norma Jane Bumgarner; and this website.
Comebacks for people who say things like, "You're still nursing?!"
Humor works well to deflect it: "Yes, just a few more minutes." If it's a family member, try not to be defensive. Remember, this person is asking out of genuine concern -- they love your child, too -- not because they want to hurt you or the child. Explain as much or as little as the person will listen to. It's also helpful to acknowledge that you understand if he/she doesn't know anyone who has nursed to this age, but it's been the norm in the past, and continues to be in much of the world.
Posted by Barbara Meltz at 12:03 AM
March 30, 2007
I wouldn't go so far as to say this is the beginning of the turning of the tide, but results of a study presented in Boston today at the biennial of the Society for Reseachers in Child Development suggest that watching videos might not be as bad for young children as researchers and practictioners up to now have insisited. The American Academy of Pediatrics maintains that children under 2 should not watch screens of any kind. One argument is that it decreases the interaction and the quality of the interaction between parent and child.
But researcher Tiffany Pempek of Georgetown University told an SRO audience that in laboratory conditions, at least -- which is to say, ideal conditions -- the quality of parent-child interaction benefits from viewing, as long as parent and child watch together. That's a big and important caveat because so often, parents use a video as a babysitter, not as an activity for them to do with their child.
Interestingly, benefits were more likely to accrue when they were watching Sesame Beginnings videos than Baby Einstein videos, because, she says, content of SB deals with parent-child interaction while BE doesn't. She also said that lots more research is needed.
That's a good thing, because get this: The study was funded in part by Children's Television Workshop, and one of the researchers on this study, Daniel Anderson of UMass/Amherst, consults to CTW. When an audience member asked whether that was a conflict of interest, the answer was that the funding "had no strings attached."
Posted by Barbara Meltz at 05:45 PM
March 29, 2007
The story earlier this week on a day care study linking day care to increased vocabularly as well as increased aggression in children in sixth grade has, of course, generated lots of conversation. One of the best discussions I've seen of the issue is here, at the e-newsletter published by Bright Horizons Day Care Centers. You might think this is not an objective source but I have consistently found it to be not only objective but also thought-out and clearly written. Must be a journalist on their payroll.
Posted by Barbara Meltz at 05:10 PM
March 28, 2007
I have to admit, I have yet to watch more than snippets of "Ugly Betty." In a body-conscious, beauty-driven society like ours, though, I know it's doing good things for the self esteem of young Latinas. The show, I've read, not only offers an alternative view of beauty, but also a view of a Latina who has a professional job and is not a cleavage-bearing, sexy babe. Can we have some more role-models like that, please? Before there was "Betty" to promote this more realistic and nuanced woman, there was Latinitas Magazine.
Started five years ago at the University of Texas in Austin, it's an online bilingual magazine that now reaches 10,000 plus
girls with readership not only in the US but also in South America and Europe.
Posted by Barbara Meltz at 09:04 PM
March 28, 2007
This story about so-called choking games, on page 1 of today's New York Times, is downright scary. Take the time to read it, hand it to your teens to read ("You wanna eat dinner? You gotta read this.") and then talk about it. Also check out the website, Games Adolescents Shouldn't Play.
Posted by Barbara Meltz at 02:32 PM
March 28, 2007
We all know our kids see a lot of food advertised on television, but a new study released today by the Kaiser Family Foundation details just how much and exactly what kind. It's not Fuji apples.
Perhaps the biggest surprise of the study is that it's preteens who see the most TV food ads: ads for candy and snacks, cereal and fast food, in that order. And you thought it was preschoolers? They see plenty, too, 12 food ads a day, but because parents have more control of the stations they view, like PBS, they are less exposed than preteens, who see 21 food ads a day. That's 7,600 a year. The study is the largest ever conducted of TV food advertising to children.
Considering that preteens already are at a stage of development where they tend to be aware of and unhappy about changes in their body; that they are developmentally most easily influenced by peer behaviors; that childhood obesity is on the rise; and that preteens are just beginning to have money of their own to spend, there's a lot of -- forgive the pun -- food for thought here. What's more, the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood points out that this is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg: "At the same time [that preteens are targeted by the food ads], food marketers market to children in school and increasingly use newer technologies – such as the Internet and cell phones – to maintain a constant presence in children’s lives," CCFC's Susan Linn says.
Posted by Barbara Meltz at 10:31 AM
March 27, 2007
Interfaith families always feel the heat of the kleig lights on them in December, when Hanukah and Christmas fall close together and sometimes overlap. There's even a name to describe it, the December Dilemma.
So why isn't there April Angst?
Easter and Passover always occur about the same time and both holidays carry considerable heft, religiously-speaking (unlike Hanukah). This year, the first Passover seder is next Monday, April 2, and Easter falls during Passover on the following Sunday, April 9. Children whose parents are able to talk openly and honestly in an age appropriate way about how all families are different are far less likely to be confused than children whose parents keep silent on the subject. Even if religion is a source of conflict between you and your spouse, it's better to agree to disagree -- in a respectful way, of course -- than to simmer in silence. For more information on any Jewish/Christian interfaith family issues, Interfaithfamily.org is a wonderful resource.
Easter eggs and matzoh brei anyone?
Posted by Barbara Meltz at 10:23 AM
March 26, 2007
With new websites for parents popping up as quickly as dandilions in spring, it's hard to know which ones to trust. Some are nothing more than glorified advertisements, others may have hidden philosophical agendas. I'll try now and then to screen websites with a sensitivity to objectivity and to what's developmentally appropriate. Here are two I like:
Lilaguide, launched last week, is hoping to be for parents what Zagat's is to restaurant-lovers by offering parent-generated reviews of products, services and retailers. You can search for your location (Boston) and then for subdivisions within that (western suburbs); so far, more than 5,000 neighborhoods are represented nation-wide. After than, you search by topic, from baby gear to zoos.
The Massachusetts Children's Trust Fund was created in 1988 as a public-private partnership whose goal is to prevent child abuse by supporting parents. Since then, it's become a national role model. So has its website which was launched last April and won a 2007 National Parenting Publications Award last week. Onetoughjob.org allows parents to enter a child's age and then scroll through a menu of issues typical to it. If your child is 9- to 11, for instance, you can choose from a range of topics such as, "I think my child is being bullied; what should I do," to, "I think my child IS a bully; what should I do?"
Posted by Barbara Meltz at 11:33 AM
March 26, 2007
Some parents are sure to be concerned about the new day care data released today of a long-term NIH study . I prefer to see it as yet more evidence that, as a society, we need to pay more than lip service to the quality of day care and to the quality of the training daycare providers receive. The newest data shows:
*Children who received higher quality child care before entering kindergarten scored better on vocabulary tests in fifth grade than children who received lower quality care.
*Children who spent more time in center-based care before kindergarten were more likely to be considered behavior problems by their sixth-grade teachers.
The study, published in the March/April issue of Child Development, is the largest, longest-running and most comprehensive study of child care in the US, tracking 1,364 children from birth in 1991.
So how are you supposed to know if your daycare is high or low quality? One sure tip-off is whether it is accredited by the National Association for the Education of Young Children. Another is to ask about the staff rate of turn-over; high turn-over typically indicates low pay, mediocre work conditions and poor quality day-care. And a third clue is to learn about the training of staff, including the opportunity for continuing professional opportunities.
Of course, every analysis comes with a caveat. The NIH researchers caution that the increase in vocabulary and in problem behaviors was "small," and that "parenting quality was a much more important predictor of child development."
To which I add, amen.
Posted by Barbara Meltz at 10:14 AM
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