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Barbara F. Meltz writes the Globe's Child Caring column. She is author of "Put Yourself in Their Shoes, Understanding How Your Children See the World," and a frequent speaker to parent groups. Join her chat on the first and third Monday of the month at noon.
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« May 13, 2007 - May 19, 2007 |
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| May 27, 2007 - June 2, 2007 »
May 23, 2007
Suffering recently from jet lag (no, I'm not whining, believe me!), I was reminded of how difficult it can be to travel with children when their sleep schedules are disrupted, whether you're going to a different time zone or just to grandma & grandpa's cottage in Maine. As adults, we long for the lazier days of summer when we can be a little more relaxed about sleep schedules. But kids thrive on routine so any disruption, including pleasurable ones, can be hard on them; just because it's summer doesn't mean they don't still need the same amount of sleep as they did from September through June.
Posted by Barbara Meltz at 10:37 AM
May 22, 2007
SG of Brookline writes:
"We have a dilemma regarding our high school sophomore
boy's weekend curefew. Currently, our son can have one night out til 11 pm, and one night out til midnight. This is considered conservative in our neighborhood as most kids his age can be out til midnight-12:30 pm both nights. He consistently comes home on time, but does grumble that he has to come in before his friends. Here is the problem: Unfortunately, I have a high sleep requirement. I need to be in bed by 10pm or I fall apart. I am unable to sleep late in the morning because I wake up at 5 am whether I want to or not. It
is extremely difficult for me to stay up to wait for my son to come home on those midnight nights, and I don't feel comfortable going to bed because I want to be sure he is in the house safely before I go to
sleep. I also feel the need to eyeball him to assess for any evidence of alcohol/pot. During the summer it will be even more of a problem as he will want to be out most nights, and next year he will likely ask for an extended curfew ( which isn't unreasonable ) My
husband I trade off the late shifts but it is a problem for both of us.
My son is frustrated that his very important social
time is limited by our high maintenence sleep needs,
and I really see his point. Do you have any ideas?"
Here are some suggestions:
Go to sleep. Have your son agree to wake you when he gets in. If he is going to be late, even by 5 minutes, then he calls. This is obviously a trust issue, and he knows it. Of course, the risk is that if something awful happens, you would have slept through it. The way around that is to set your alarm clock for, say, 15 or 20 minutes past his curfew. If it goes off, you obviously know he's late and it's time to worry. He also knows it's going to go off and that you will be tracking him down at that point, something he will want to avoid.
If he comes in on time, then he can either reset the alarm for you or just turn it off. Because you are right to want to eyeball him, you can either get out of bed and have a conversation or just have him sit on the bed with you and have a conversation. You can tell by his breath and the way he's talking whether something is amiss. (And if he's suddenly brushing his teeth, using mouthwash or chewing gum at this hour, it's a dead giveaway.)
The only problem with all of this is your ability to
a)fall asleep knowing he is out there somewhere; b) fall back to sleep
after he's home safely. This may be hard on the beginning, but it gets easier.
Posted by Barbara Meltz at 02:40 PM
May 21, 2007
Need proof that we have a whole new generation of parents? This book title alone tells it all...
The book goes on sale next week. OK, a brief review: it's way too chatty for me, in an I'm-so-cute, self-conscious kind of way that eclipses whatever information might be worthwhile. It does not knock my favorite toilet-training book, "Toilet Training the Brazelton Way" by T. Berry Brazelton & Joshua D. Sparrow, out of first place.
Posted by Barbara Meltz at 04:33 PM
May 21, 2007
How many grandparents do your children have? Don't laugh. If your parents are divorced and both remarried, and your spouse's are divorced and both remarried, and if you have a child from a previous marriage yourself as well as one from your current marriage....Well, you get the picture. If this describes your family (or even only comes close), I'd love to talk to you. Contact me at meltz@globe.com
And while I'm asking: Does your baby watch TV? That's a growing trend, too. I'm looking for parents whose 3-month-old or younger watches at least a little TV, especially if you feel it's necceasary boost your child's learning power.
Posted by Barbara Meltz at 03:19 PM
May 21, 2007
If you want a lift to your day, take the time to read this piece in the op-ed page of today's LA Times, "You're adopting who?
A couple's decision to take in an autistic child draws callous reactions." It's written by Ralph Savarese, author of the forthcoming, "Reasonable People, A Memoir of Autism and Adoption." Savarese will be signing books at Porter Square Books in Cambridge, May 29 at 7 pm.
Posted by Barbara Meltz at 02:10 PM
May 21, 2007
Did you notice that old refrain, "It's the parents, stupid," that ran through the DreamWorks comments in my story today, "Fighting obesity, but fronting for junk food"?
Obviously, there wasn't room for all of the interview in the story. Here's more of what DreamWorks Bob Feldman had to say:
"The premise that all of the food [Shrek is licensed for] is crap is nonsense. The premise is flawed. The issue is how much [junk food kids eat]. People know candy is a treat, and parents know to dole it out carefully."
It comes across as a back-handed compliment but it's really a gloved threat: It's your job, parents, to keep your kids safe from what we throw at them. If you aren't up to it, well, it's not our fault.
Here's another quote that didn't make it into the story, from Virginia Wesleyan College professor Kathy Merlock Jackson, a specialist in media and children's culture: "It's not as if DreamWorks isn't making a lot of profit from this movie as it is. This is a unique opportunity for them to set a precedent and withdraw the licensing for the [fast food] venues."
By its reponse, DreamWorks is giving up that golden opportunity to be the hero. Instead, it is throwing responsibility back to parents who literally would have to raise their kids in a bubble to keep them free from the ever-present reach of marketers.
Posted by Barbara Meltz at 10:53 AM
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