How to voice concern about kids' diets
Dear Beth:
Last week I stopped to pick up a midmorning cup of coffee. Ahead of me in line was a noticeably overweight woman with her daughter. The daughter was nibbling from an open bag of jelly beans. To make conversation, I asked the young lady whether the jelly beans were left over from Easter. The mother responded by saying, ``No, they came from her breakfast." I was horrified. I left the store feeling guilty at not having said something.
SHOULD I HAVE COMMENTED?
Unless you had thought out a response that wouldn't sound critical, it's good you didn't. You probably felt a bit angry that this mother wasn't giving her daughter a nutritious breakfast. It's difficult to educate someone if you're angry or irritated with her. Most people are incredibly sensitive to criticism, particularly about parenting. If they feel accused, they almost always become hurt and then defensive: ``Where does she get off telling me how to feed my kid? What a know-it-all, busybody health nut!" Once you've elicited this kind of response, you inevitably create the opposite effect: ``I'll have two jelly-filled and two chocolate doughnuts!"
Consider your own intentions when trying to give feedback to a stranger (or acquaintance). What do you want to achieve and how can you be most effective? I assume you wanted to instruct this mother about how important a healthy breakfast is for her child and the dangers of too much sugar in her diet. But simply commenting on this would sound like criticism. You might have asked her, ``Oh, did you go out for breakfast?" She may have bought her a fast-food breakfast. If so, you could say, ``It makes me so mad these companies are pushing sugar on everyone by putting it into everything. I've heard that diabetes is increasing in younger and younger children because they are eating so much more candy and drinking so many more soft drinks than we did. Have you heard about that? A friend of mine is struggling with diabetes, and it is so difficult."
If the mother said she bribes her daughter to eat her breakfast with candy or that candy is all she'll eat, you could sympathize, ``It's so tough getting kids to eat a healthy breakfast. They see ads for candy and get it at school. And so many breakfast foods are chock-full of sugar, and they're almost always cheaper than healthier foods. I'm worried about the health of kids today." If she seems receptive, talk about the growing problem of diabetes among children, which is associated with obesity and lack of exercise.
It's great you cared enough to write. Communicate this to others -- not your indignation -- and your concerns will more likely be taken to heart. Get involved in helping your local schools get rid of soft drinks and junk snacks.
Beth can be reached at askbeth@globe.com.
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