Risqué business

Why be a pirate for Halloween, when you can be a sexy pirate? Apparently, you can add ripped fishnets, skirt slits, and exposed red bra straps to any costume and – voila! – bring sexy back. It’s All Hallows Eve, not All Harlots Eve. Just saying.

Some costumes are meant to be truly seductive – Marilyn Monroe, flappers, etc. – but I’m over the whole sexing up of mundane outfits. A black tank top worn as a dress + boots with four-inch heels + furry ears do not make a cat. That’s just plain weak sauce.

I’m not 100% innocent. One indecent Halloween, I wrapped myself in a red pleather mini dress ($24.99) and stiletto boots ($30, obviously not leather) and stepped out as a sexy she-devil (priceless). Ugh, what was I thinking? Frankly, I thought I saw the last of the randy robots and sexpot sailors hanging around the fraternity beer pong table when I graduated college. But no. Perfectly sane women are still strutting down the street in next-to-nothing every Oct. 31.

And who could forget La Lohan's costume last year? She donned a full-body shiny leotard that left little to the imagination and a sweatband for Halloween last year. (Washed-up fitness instructor? A cry for help? Still not sure.)

Don’t get me wrong. I love Halloween and I’m no fun hater. But let’s see some creativity, people. The next person to dress like a Muppet wins my heart. No furry g-strings allowed.

[This rant brought to you by Courtney is Bitter After Visting the Garment District Last Night, Inc.]

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