Teen is perplexed by her changing feelings
Dear Beth:
I am confused because last night when I was with my boyfriend I thought I loved him. Now I want to be as free as a bird. I was sitting at this computer doing a stupid matchmaker deal. Can you believe that? I don't understand my thoughts or feelings. I am lost!
ELEANOR I totally believe it. Sounds like you are an aware young person who is going through many normal changes, emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Scientists are discovering that your brain goes through its greatest period of growth during adolescence. The prefrontal cortex is like the director of the brain, which controls planning and organizing. It modulates your moods to help you reason better, so you have more control over your impulses and make better judgments. But it isn't fully developed until you are in your 20s. Teens probably process more information than adults with their amygdala, a part of the brain involved with emotional responses. Combined with hormonal surges, this may explain why teens, like you, experience intense changing emotions and don't always understand their feelings.
But what do you do about it? Exactly what you are doing -- being aware of how you feel and questioning yourself when you discover you're getting into a situation that may not have a positive outcome. This is also why you don't want to rush into new relationships. Teens' feelings change frequently. That's when it's a good idea to run things by a friend, reach out to an adult, or ask for help, as you did. (Please be careful about matchmaking ``deals," and never agree to meet a stranger without supervision.)
Of course you feel lost -- you are still learning to find your way. This is your job now, as you become an adult. Because it's scary, many kids try to ignore it or cover it up, so they don't learn as much. Keeping a journal and talking about what's on your mind will help you understand yourself better and feel less lost.
Dear Beth:
I missed the initial column about eating candy for breakfast but want to share a wonderful tradition begun by my friend Denise. Each summer our children were given a three-day ``Templeton's Holiday" where they shopped for anything they wanted to eat. Remember Templeton in ``Charlotte's Web"? ``A fair is a veritable smorgasbord." They usually chose treats. Our families followed sound nutritional principles the rest of the year, and this holiday gave busy at-home moms a vacation from cooking! Who's to say the woman giving her kid jellybeans isn't a friend of Denise? I try not to jump to conclusions about parental choices unless that parent is a very close friend.
BRAVO TEMPLETON! What a fun tradition.
Beth can be reached at askbeth@globe.com.
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