Monday, January 30, 2006

In A Relationship, Who Should Relocate?

Louise writes:

My byfriend and I have been dating for 2 years, but can't agree on who will relocate. Can you advise?

Dear Louise:

Thanks for the letter, Louise (though I wish you had supplied me with a bit more information so as to better help me provide an answer. In any event, I'll do my best to help you out). There are a number of factors to consider regarding a relationship relocation. First and foremost, you need to keep in mind that one of you will actually be moving, basically uprooting yourself/himself from all that is familiar, which, for most people, is a big deal. Accordingly, you guys really need to decide if the long-term prospects of the relationship warrant such a big step in the first place. If the answer to this question is no, well, the issue is pretty much over and done with right there. On the hand, if the both of you feel strong enough in your commitment to each other that having one of you go and live with the other makes sense, then financial and work related considerations undoubtedly come into play. For example, if relocating entails one of you having to look for another job, which one of you is currently better situated and earning a higher income employment wise? (In other words, if you have a great management level job, let's say, earing $100,000 a year, while your boyfriend works part-time as a telemarketer, well, you kind of get the picture as to who would be doing the moving in such a scenario--it wouldnt't by you, Louise.) Further, on which of you would moving to another city or state be the heavier financial burden? As you and your boyfriend go about thoughtfully and carefully addressing these issues, it will hopefully become clearer to the both of you as to who should be doing the leaving and who the staying.