Relationships

A Message For Nick Lachey

Dear Nick:

So sorry to hear about your split with Jessica, particularly since not only is she is a hottie, she also seems really nice and down to earth. I'm sending you this message because I think you're giving the rest of us guys a bad name. You see, Nick, real men don't expect the women in their lives to support them, regardless of how fabulously rich their soon to be exes happen to be. And while it's true that during your relatively short marriage Jessica's career kind of eclipsed your own, it's still not the case that you're anywhere near finding yourself in the poor house anytime soon.

Think about it this way, Nick. Can you imagine Clint Eastwood, say, or Bruce Willis seeking spousal support from an ex-wife? Of course not. Guys like that wouldn't dream of doing such a thing because if they did, it would forever alter the way we the public thinks of them. Look, you seem like a pretty okay guy, so I'll cut you some slack for succumbing to the initial temptation of maintaining the "lifestyle that you've been accustomed to" (as any good divorce lawyer would put it) off Jessica's hardworking bootie. But now that you've had some time to think about it, I strongly urge you to reconsider. After all, it's bad enough we've got Mr. Pitt--completely emasculated ever since he fell under the spell of Angelina--running around all over the world with an ever present diaper bag!

Do you agree or disagee with me about a man not being financially supported by a woman? Please go to my message board and let me know what you think.

Not To Worry

Charlottes Webb writes:

Just when I thought I'd heard everything... my 17-year-old son confided in me a terrible secret about his father. It seems my soon to be ex took our son out to a bar (where my son was served) and both got very drunk. If that wasn't bad enough my husband then brought someone back to his place and had sex with her while my son could hear everything. Hubby then told our son "don't tell your mother, blah blah blah." This poor kid has been carrying this burden on his shoulders for at least 4 months and told me today. My question is how do I handle this. I know what I want to do, but...

Dear Charlotte’s Webb:

Maybe it’s because I’m a guy, but I really think your characterization of your son’s overhearing your ex in a sexual interlude as a “burden,” is at the very least, a stretch. Granted, your ex (who sounds a lot like Danny Bonaduce) clearly used terrible judgment not only for that, but also for allowing your son to get drunk right along with him. However, if your son is a typical teen, he’s probably seen--not simply just heard--far more explicit stuff while watching MTV or playing the latest video game version of “Grand Theft Auto." In other words, if you’re worrying about him suffering any kind of permanent psychological scarring over this, you needn’t, he’s going to be just fine.

I'm Not Making This Up, I Swear

In a recent survey conducted by DatingDirect.com, 54% of UK women think that Marge and Homer Simpson (no relation, ha, ha) represent the "essence of perfect love." It would appear that even though Marge epitomizes long-suffering wifedom at the hands of her beer swilling, bald, fat, oafish and imbecilic husband, Homer, the fact that he never wavers in his adoration of her, in the end, trumps all. Charles and Camilla received 20% of the vote for most loving couple with Posh Spice and hubby David Beckham coming in at a lowly 5%. Those Brits, you gotta love 'em!

This Really Is A Tough One

QueenofHearts writes:

Here is my dilemma: while I would love to call him, I'm not entirely sure that I am ready to start dating again just yet. Would it be better to call him and maybe have to reject him later, or not to call at all? I would appreciate your input.

Dear QueenofHearts:

Let's see, you describe this guy as great and good-looking, he gave you his number and you say you would love to call him. Gee, this really is a tough one, especially since you broke up with your last real boyfriend six months ago! Give him a call, QueenofHearts, and worry about crossing the potential break-up bridge if and when you should come to it. (After all, the book you were reading couldn't have been that interesting.)

Tellin' It Like It Is

There is a general theme that runs through many of the letters that I get from people who have some sort of relationship issue or other. And that is they simply don't understand that being direct with a mate is often the easiest and best way to go as far as resolving the problem at hand. Think about it. How many times have you been in a situation where when you finally confronted your relationship partner about his/her--inconsiderate behavior, infidelity, lack of emotional support, intimacy shortcomings, incompatibility--the issue was either put to rest for good or at the very least compromised over to a point of mutual satisfaction.

To take but one example involving my girlfriend and me: We've been dating for over a year now. Early on in our relationship there was an issue of my not showing enough interest in her career. The problem was I didn't even realize that she was bothered by this. Apparently, however, it was the case that when we would both meet up after work for drinks or dinner, I would go on and on about my job, but didn't show nearly the same level of concern about her work. My girlfriend has a stressful, time consuming job in the legal sector, and she quickly got fed up with my seeming lack of curiosity about what exactly she did for a living and the difficulties she faced in trying to work her way up the corporate ladder each day.

Rather than let this fester inside of her for months before finally either dumping me or raising the matter so deep into our relationship as to be too little, too late, my girlfriend got in my face about it straight on. Without mincing words, she just came right out one day and said to me that when it came to our nightly conversations, I was a jerk in that I never made any attempt to listen to her when she tried to talk about her job, but that when it came to my work, she couldn't get me to shut up, not even for a minute.

Here's the thing. As soon as she confronted me about this, I knew she was 100% right. And therein lies the beauty of being direct with your partner: When you just come right out and tell it like it is--whatever it is--as long as you speak from the heart, openly and honestly, chances are that you'll get your point across in way that beating around the bush will never be able to match.

An Online Dating Site For Those Who Do

For those of you looking to meet someone new based on shared activiities rather than on personality traits, check out lifeknot.com The site lists over 900 activities by which you can seek out a mate. Categories include: Activism, Cultural Events, Music Genres, The Outdoors and Water Sports. Good luck!

Bringing Up Baby

My girlfriend babysat her sister’s 6-month-old daughter yesterday, and I’ve got say watching her with that baby was really special. Should we ever decide to get married and have children of our own, I know she’d be a terrific mother. She’s one of those people who’s great with kids. I’d like to think that I am too, but sometimes when I consider all the responsibility that goes into being a parent, I have to admit, I get freaked out. I mean it just seems so overwhelming.

Then again, with someone like my girlfriend sharing with me the joys of bringing up a child, the prospect doesn’t seem quite as daunting. I already know what kind of parents we would be. I'd be the overprotective, disciplinarian dad, she the ever indulgent mom. Such a complimentary basis for childrearing is ideal; too much in one direction or the other and you run the risk of having either a spoiled brat or a kid with absolutely no personality!

To me, there is no greater relationship bond than that which produces a child. Bringing a new life into this world is the ultimate test of a couple’s love; from that point forward, your needs and those of your partner are forever secondary to those of your child. All manner of sacrifice and concession must be made, which is something that any parent already knows, but for young couples in particular is often a rude awakening.

Some of my previous girlfriends were great in their own way, but many of them were not, in my opinion, parent material. Perhaps when I was dating them, I wasn’t either. Maybe it’s because the current love of my life brings out the best in me that I now believe, if the circumstances were right, I would be able to tackle the prospect of being a father. I guess seeing her holding that baby really hit home with me!

A Man Of Few Words

He’s a 28-year old handsome guy, single (at least he says so). We’ve been seeing each other for 3 months. Nearly from our first meeting I hear from him things like: “I walk slowly – so get used to it” or “I never eat cold food – remember it” or “You need 7 hours of sleep a day? I wonder how you, my poor girl, are going to sleep your fill?” – and so on and so forth. Every time when we talk, he ends up our conversation with “Say hi to your mom!” though he’s never met her. He seems to be one of those guys who doesn’t like talking about his feelings and his life. And why should he? He prefers asking me about mine, sending text messages like “Do you love me?” or “I know that you love me”. And when I’m trying to figure out what his heart tells him about me, he says that he knows what he feels and that I should better try to make out my own feelings. We don’t see each other often and - too sad- I don’t know much of him, I do want to, but he doesn’t want to talk about his life (or maybe he’s hiding something ?). As I’ve already mentioned, we don’t see each other often. He says he’s busy working. When I ask him if there is really lack of time or there is something or somebody else, he says categorically it’s the first variant. On the other hand when I tell him if he’s not interested in me or has another girlfriend he can just tell me about it and I leave - but he doesn’t let me go. The other day being angry I sent him a text message saying it’s all over between us- he didn’t take it seriously! We haven’t had sex yet/ Actually I’m still a virgin (I'm 23 and as they say – pretty). He knows about it. He doesn’t see anything wrong in it, he says it’s just my way, although something definitely should be done about it.

Waiting for your reply.

Dear Maya:

In sounds like things are pretty much up to you at this point as far as continuing to see this guy--he is obviously not in a rush to leave you. The question then becomes, is he worth it? I say this because from your letter I take it that you really want to get to know him for who he really is even though this may ultimately prove rather difficult because: a. he apparently has a tendency to speak in aphorisms and b. even when he does, he is clearly a man of few words, who may never in fact feel comfortable opening up to you. In deciding want you want to do, keep in mind that at 23, you are still relatively young, and have many dating/relationship experiences ahead of you. In other words, it's not like this is necessarily the "be all and all" guy for you. As for your virginity, this is a matter of personal choice, one which you should never feel pressured to change according to anyone else's dictates but your own.

A Relationship Do Over

Lillyflower writes:

I met this guy through somebody that my sister knew. He had wanted to meet me for quite some time. We hit it off very well and unfortunantly advanced too quickly. He asked me out again and we went to dinner 2 nights later. When he stated that he was taking me out on a "date," I freaked out and said something utterly stupid. He dismissed it and we still had a wonderful time. I did not hear from him until 2 days later and and he seemed eager to see me again. We tried to make plans but they fell through. Days went by and I did not hear from him so I called him. We saw each other again and this time I opened my big mouth and perhaps said something to hurt his ego. Again, this did not seem to affect him THAT much because I ran into him while I was with a friend and he seemed concerned about who I was with. He said he would call me to make plans to go to dinner that night and never did. We did not speak all weekend. I called him the following week and we were supposed to see each other and he flaked on me again. I emailed him because he has a possesion of mine and he became offended and rather defensive in the email asking why I had not called him and he apologized that he did not call me. I responded that I needed my belongings and to please mail them to me and to call when he was not busy. No reply. I still need my things but the problem is that I still want him as well.

Dear Lillyflower:

I had to read your letter several times before I could really get a grip on just what's up with you and this guy; it's almost as if the two of you are doing everything possible to irritate each other and sabotage what has the makings of a relationship. The weird/funny part is it sounds like, for all the miscommunication, you guys are actually really into each other!! Here's what I would do: Forget the phone calls and emails. Go to him in person. Tell him that you think you guys got off on the wrong foot, and that you basically want to start over with him, but this time without all of the playing hard to get stuff, which has clearly backfired on the both of you and only works in Kate Hudson movies anyway. Hopefully he'll feel the same way, and you guys can make the most of a much needed second chance at being together.

10 Celebrity Couples You Will Never See

1. Mick Jagger & Meg Ryan

2. Chow Yun-Fat & Carmen Electra

3. Regis Philbin & Sarah Michelle Gellar

4. Russell Crowe & Rachel Ray

5. Oprah Winfrey & Ray Romano

6. Tommy Lee Jomes & Paris Hilton

7. Al Roker & Condaleeza Rice

8. Fifty Cent & Gwenyth Paltrow

9. Al Franken & Ann Coulter

10. Tom Cruise & Janeane Garafolo